Thursday Thirteen: Candy Hearts

Thirteen Candy Hearts for Valentine's Day

Created here.

1

2
3*
4
5*
6*
7
8
9*

10
11
12*
13

* indicates that the heart is not my original creation




Links to other Thursday Thirteens!

1. (leave your link in comments)


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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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My children voted for cupcakey goodness over my will power.

I put it up for a vote. The kids voted to make cupcakes today as long as we didn't eat them all. We made 24. How many survived, I know not.

're wonderful. Red Velvet cake with pink vanilla frosting and sprinkles. The girls were in charge of the sprinkles. They took great pride in their job. They did much of the mixing and some of the icing as well, but the sprinkles were what it's all about. I should point out that we don't do much junk food and we certainly don't do sprinkles. So this was a huge event for the wee ones.

And a yummy event for all involved (and the little napping brother and big working daddy who were not involved, but benefited from the fruits of our labor).

On Jews and Valentine's Day

Rabbi Ginsburg talks about Jews and Valentine's Day.



He also has this great entry on the topic at his blog.

Although, I must say I agree in a large part with the Orthodox rabbis. After years of boycotting it, we're now trying to create our own celebration that focuses on telling our family we love them. No shiny jewelry. No boxes of chocolates. No flowers will be sacrificed in our honor. Instead, we just want to see the day the way we (or at least I) did back in first grade.

It's not questionable Christian saints and diamond rings. It's coloring pages and cupcakes.

And yes, the cupcakes still exist (in their pre-baked form). My willpower has thus far, won out in the battle for the cup cakes. :-)

A letter to Senator Hillary Clinton

This letter says much of what I've been thinking, so I simply must share.

Dear Senator Hillary Clinton, Please Step Down

Go and read.

The cupcakes are calling me.

We don't usually do anything for Valentine's Day. First of all, it's really a Christian thing and we, very much, are not. Secondly, ever since high school, I have felt like it's a scam created by the greeting card industry in an attempt to coerce us into buying shiny, red, and/or sparkly crap we don't really need. Because nothing says, "I love you," like an armful of dead flowers. Besides, we should tell our nearest and dearest we love them all the time, not just on one anointed day simply because Hallmark told us to.

Ever since I had children, though, that has started to change. We're no longer bound to the Hallmarkian idea that the day is about showing off your love in some grand fashion. Instead, it's about hand-colored cards for your friends and cutting out heart decorations for the house.

In addition to all this, for some unknown reason, I've had cupcakes on the brain lately. And so, today, we headed to Target to grab some cake mix, frosting and those little paper cupcake cups so that the kids and I can make cupcakes for Valentine's Day.

Completely OT, but would someone please explain to me why Target brand Jello is kosher, but Wal-Mart's is not even though the majority of Wal-Mart's store brand items are?

So a cake mix, frilly paper cups, and pink vanilla frosting (with sprinkles) are all playing nicely in my kitchen. The problem is, we got them for Valentine's Day. That would be Thursday. Today is only Monday. My stomach, however, pays no heed to calendars. I want those freaking cupcakes.

This is going to prove to be very very difficult.

If you should find me covered in pink frosting and sprinkles, please don't tell my kids. Shhhhh. If you keep my secret, I promise to share the love in cupcake form.

On moms and blogging

I found these blog entry through Ima on (and off) the bima and I thought they were very interesting.

Wonder Woman Is Just A Chick In Tights

She has a fabulous point for everyone, not just women and certainly not just moms.

Although, I disagree with her title. I can throw on a pair of tights, but that will not give me super powers nor will it give me that super cool yet oh so stupid invisible plane.

You Know Your Wife's A Blogger When...

We should all work together to come up with the "You know your mom's a blogger when..." list.

I want these

I'm trying to resist the urge to buy these, but I love this idea.

Designer Diner mats
I especially like this one and this one.

They're mats the roll up where one side is a chalk board and the other is laminated cloth. Those could be very useful in restaurants and for long drives in the car.

Thursday Thirteen: useful super powers

Thirteen very useful superpowers




1…. The ability to stop time.

When I had a matching set of colicky babies and a husband who worked nights, I often had the urge to touch the tips of my pointer fingers together in an attempt to stop time so that I could get some FREAKING SLEEP. Yes, I admit to trying it once or twice. It never worked, but oh how I wish that it did!

2....an extra set of arms

I believe that with each child under 6, you should get an extra set of arms. As a child, I had an irrational fear of having my hands amputated (don't ask. I have no idea), so when I was very young, I taught myself to pick things up with my toes. After having twins, that little trick turned out to be very useful. Of course, not everyone was as bizarre of a child as I was, so the extra set of arms would probably be more useful.

3....Teleportation

Have you ever tried to fly 2000 miles with small children? Yeah, not fun. Have you ever had to endure a 2-week long visit from your in-laws who feel the need to respond to all of your parenting practices with the mantra, "We didn't do that and our kids turned out just fine?"

Just think, if we were our own Scotties who could beam us up, we could travel to distant places without the fear of high prices for plane tickets; tiny bathrooms with no space in which to change diapered bums; 20 minutes in which to race to your connecting flight which takes off from the gate that is the farthest possible distance from where you are; and without the need to pack 12 bags of snacks and 3 bags of toys to keep the children quiet enough so as not to piss off your fellow passengers. Also, we would not need to endure long visits from others because they could pick up their freaking toys and go the hell home on a moment's notice.

Yes, I see the potential for this to be abused and I do have very Harry Potterish visions of my in-laws using the floo powder and showing up in my fireplace unannounced, but shhhhhh, it's my fantasy.

4.... Silent stare (aka STFU stare)

I want the ability to quiet anyone down simply by glaring at them. One ticked off glance would leave my victim....um...er...child or the idiot at Wal-Mart in utter silence.

5....Force fields

I want the ability to create a force field around the baby's room which no noise, no child, no light, no animals could penetrate without my permission. One of those would also be useful around our room during, "GO THE HELL AWAY," time.

6....Instant replay

I want a random screen on which I can instantly replay actions/words. That way, when kids insist, "But SHHHEEEEE did it, not me," there would be no discussion. We would go to the tape and that would settle that. When the husband insists, "But you never told me that, " I could whip out the board, scroll through a transcript of our conversation and highlight the exact moment at which I did, in fact, tell him that.


7....the Force

How useful would that be? You sit there nursing the baby and have that book/phone/steak dinner fly to you. Don't have enough hands to carry all those bowls? No problem, just use the Force to get them on the table. While at the office, your child's preschool calls because you forgot your child's lunch. No problem. From the comfort of your own desk, you can use the force to snatch that Spiderman lunch box right off the counter and have it waft into his cubby. Are those annoying kids at your front door again trying to get you to buy magazines? Use the force to throw stuff at them without even having to open the front door. You stay comfortable. They go the fuck away. It's a win-win situation for all.

That Darth Vader choking people from a distance thing could prove useful for the same situation.

8....Mind reading

I cannot tell you how many times dh and I have asked, "WTF were they thinking?" If I could read their minds, I wouldn't have to wonder, I would know.

9....A search feature for my brain

When I can't remember where I left the kids' school work/my keys/our library books/my youngest child, it would be great to have a little drop-down search feature which would retrieve that information without me having to backtrack through my entire freaking day in an attempt to find where we left our things/family members.

10....Invisibility cloak

I realize that's more of an enchanted item of clothing rather than a super power and I can see the potential for problems (see #9), but damn it, sometimes, I just want to be invisible.

11....Romantic gravitational pull

I want some sort of power that elicits love and sweetness from those around me. From my kids, it could be hugs, kisses and cute works of art just for me. From my husband, it could be back rubs and candle-light baths. From my friends, it would be words of encouragement, boxes of chocolate, and offers to watch my children.

12....Rewind

When I say/do something stupid, I want the ability to go back and try again.

13....The ability to make yummy (calorie and fat-free) Chinese food instantly appear

The kids are currently doing worksheets about the Chinese New Year, so I have that on my mind, but I love Chinese food regardless.




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Partisan Politics

Over at Out in Left Field, there's a new post to which I want to draw your attention: You Want To Be A Republican.

This particular one rings so very true in our house:
f. The best way to improve military morale is to praise our troops on television while slashing veterans' benefits and combat pay.


I would also like to direct your attention to this fabulous post about what the politicians plan on doing for families.

Skip This One if You've Got an Elephant Bumper Sticker on the SUV

Mom-101 did a fabulous job with that one.

And in her latest post, I found this which I think is pretty cool (the idea, execution, and final results).

My very unscientific poll

In an attempt to explain the primaries to first-graders, we had our own primaries. We split the 4 of us into Democrats (Girl2 and TheBoy) and Republicans (Girl1 and me). Then we all voted (it had to be an open primary or else we would have been screwed).

Here's the cast of characters:

Dem
Girl2: Hilary Clinton
TheBoy: Barack Obama

Rep
Me: John McCain
Girl1: Ron Paul

Yes, I realize our Republican candidates sort of alter the results, but blame it on my kids. Girl 1 was adamant that she did not want to be John McCain. When asked who she should portray, Girl1 insisted, "Ron Paul." That's what you get when some of your closest friends are Ron Paul supporters.

Our results were as follows:
Hillary Clinton (D)
John McCain (R)

From there, we went on to a presidential election. Clinton beat McCain by a vote of 2:1 (literally), although there was one write-in vote for a 3rd party candidate (when asked for whom he wanted to vote, TheBoy raised his hand and yelled his own name).

Of course, all 3 of them later went off and had another secret election wherein they voted for a candidate who is apparently able to bridge the gap between the two parties. He won with a unanimous vote from all voters regardless of political affiliation.

And so, I would like to introduce the new President of the United States of America, our cat.

Original photo by Paul Morse found at the Republican National Convention Blog

Please note, that at the insistance of my children, I added a horribly drawn green kipah to the bald man bottom right. Every time I try to alter an image, they're forever asking me to add a kipah. And so, I did.

Why oh why do I share these things with you?

Over at the Rocking Pony, she's having a neat giveaway from her super-cute Etsy store.

The twist is that in order to enter, you have to share your most embarassing moment.

Here is mine.

Warning: This contains a potty-training story. I know there are some folks who run screaming from the room when the topic comes up, so I'm pausing here to give you fair warning.

When the big kids were just shy of 2, they were potty trained, dh was deployed and I was working towards a position I wanted dearly. All these bits of information play a role in this little tale.

As part of obtaining that position, I met with a friend who was in charge of the process. We both had kids (hers were a bit older than mine), so we met in the children's section of a library where we could pull up a seat, discuss work and our kids could play.

At that point, I was trying to teach myself not to watch the kids like a hawk. They were secure independent little things and I wanted to help foster that independence. Problem is, I also wanted to follow them around making sure they didn't destroy anything. I was in the process of finding a healthy balance. Girl2, however, was in the process of exploiting those moments when my eyes weren't on her.

At one point, I turned around to find that my youngest daughter had apparently pulled her underwear aside (she was wearing a dress), squated and pooped...on the floor...the CARPETED floor...in the middle of the library. She couldn't leave it at that. Oh no! She had to WALK THROUGH IT over and over again tracking poop EVERYWHERE and grinding it into the carpet. Did I mention she was wearing sandals? So it was also all over her little feet.

I was MORTIFIED. After lots of expletives, I scooped her up and ran to the bathroom. There was no way to clean her sandals. No amount of scrubbing helped. I managed to sit her in the sink and wash her off as best as I could, but wouldn't you know it, the bathroom there had ditched paper towels in favor of one of those blowers. I needed the towels to scrub and to dry her little bum. I'm not putting my baby's bum up to a hot dryer even if she did just track poop all over the library's carpeted floor.

G-d bless that friend I was meeting with. She checked on us and then brought us some paper towels. She watched Girl1 along with her kids so that I could focus on (aka scrub) Girl2. And I will never ever be able to thank her enough for making the library staff aware of the problem. The thought of having to go up to them and announce, "My child pooped on your floor. Yeah and then stomped through it. It's everywhere," made me want to cry. The fact that she did it for me leaves me forever in her debt.

Of course this library didn't own a carpet cleaner. I had planned on cleaning up the mess, assuming they had some device with which to shampoo it. Nope. What they had was some sort of powder and more paper towels. I offered to clean it, but they refused.

At that point, I was ready to cry. My husband had been away for months, this position I wanted was on the line and my daughter went and pooped on the floor. And then walked through it and went for a walk in the wild wild world thereby tracking it EVERYWHERE.

Mortified really isn't a strong enough word. I have never been back to that children's area since and I don't know if I ever could. Well, maybe when she's a teenager, if she drives me nuts, I'll pack her and some of her friends up and head out there where I can tell them this story. :-)

Stomping through my archives in an attempt to provide you with more information than you ever thought necessary.

I've seen this meme on other blogs, but Robin left it open so that one need not wait to be tagged. Since I still have nothing new of substance to share with you, I figured I'd go back and give this a shot.

Here's the deal, you stumble through your archives and find posts that fit these 5 qualifications:

Link 1 must be about family.
Link 2 must be about friends.
Link 3 must be about yourself, who you are… what you’re all about.
Link 4 must be about something you love.
Link 5 can be anything you choose.


Here are mine:

Link 1: Milk, it does a soul good (family)

Link 2: (friends)
My deep thought for the day And let me add, I no longer see that particular friend, but I think of her often. She was the FABULOUS one who planned this surprise party for me just after dh deployed. If you're still out there and still reading, I miss you, we all do.


Link 3: I'm going to cheat and post two

a) Shove it up your... (me) Yes, my children are the topic of it, but I don't think you can read that and NOT learn something about me.

b)The Truth is Out There (Those are the answers to a true/false game I played)

Link 4: (something I love) I'm cheating yet again and posting 2.
a)Another benefit of breastfeeding: Breastmilk contains sanity

b) Feel the love

Link 5: Restoring my faith in humanity (anything)

I'm adding a random bonus post just because I can. While looking through the archives, I found this which I had completely forgotten about: I fought the curb and the curb won. That's why I was on crutches in 4b. I think that one tells you a bit more about me.

There ya go. Hopefully, that helped you all learn something new about me. It was fun (and sometimes painful) to look through my archives.

I'm tagging Giselle (who needs to get her butt back and blog), Kamrin and Suzie

I haven't posted anything of substance in a while and that trend will continue

I have nothing to say, but I know I need to update, so here's a random comment that Girl1 made the other day.

Do you know what lives in there? Monkeys and zebras and Punky Brewster.

I'm abusing my public diary in an attempt to win free stuff--AGAIN

Yeah, yeah, "sold out," "the man" "blah blah blah." I get it.

“Beauty is not in the face; beauty is a light in the heart”-Kahlil Gibran

I've always thought my kids were cute. I'm their mom. I'm supposed to. It's natural.

Every once in a while, though, I'm struck by how stunningly beautiful they are.

There were times when I nursed TheBoy that I stared into his gorgeous eyes and just got lost. There I was nourishing his body, his soul and those wonderful trusting eyes stared up at me with such innocence and such love.

I had similar moments with my girls. Babies are at their most beautiful when they're at the breast. You see those sweet chubby cheeks bouncing and those big gorgeous eyes staring up at you brimming with contentment and love. With my twins, though, their first interactions with each other were at the breast. For the longest time, they didn't seem to realize they were separate beings. They never showed a conscious awareness of the other one. Then, one day, while I nursed them both on either side, one reached over and grabbed the other one's hand. Their gazes shifted from me to each other. While they continued to nurse, they flailed their little arms reaching out for the other.

Over the past few days, I've been overwhelmed by my children's beauty.

I recently got some pictures of them that I just adore. I looked at the photographs and was shocked by how gorgeous they are. I always thought they were cute, but I've gotten lost in those pictures and I've been left wondering, "When did you grow into such beautiful beings?"

Today, we went to story time and I was struck by it once again. The big kids made such a point of helping their little brother without ever being asked. They treated him so gently and so motherly. I have two sisters who have spent their entirely lives trying to physically injure each other, so I'm particularly thankful for and in awe of the connections I see between my children.

Earlier this morning, TheBoy took something that belongs to Girl1. I held my breath and waited for the eruption, but rather than scream at him, she spoke very sweetly to him and she let him have it without a fight.

I've made a point of pulling the big kids aside today to tell them how proud I am of them. And I am. They're absolutely gorgeous, both inside and out. I'm so very grateful for and so much in awe of them.

Anxiously awaiting this evening's Daily Show

Last night, after the State of the Union wrapped up, I turned to dh and said, "I can't wait to see Jon Stewart's commentary on tomorrow's Daily Show."

FTR, we actually had the speech on last night. I haven't done that since the State of the Union in '03, when dh was deployed to the Middle East for the first time. I found myself screaming and crying at the out-right lies.

This time, I made it through by basically having it on as background noise. Although, I did have a few choice words for the president, especially when he insisted he wants more funding for the military. Um...you got it, now where's that safety gear they were promised years ago? My very quiet dh even chastised Bush a few times and my husband is not one to do that.

Sometimes, I forget how very angry and insulted this administration makes him feel. He's quiet about it. He doesn't complain. Although, the fact that he gave up his career, job security, and retirement as a result of the current administration should really have clued me in.

The only thing better than great friends are great friends with cool socks.

I have the coolest friends in the world.

Recently, I had to have a scary procedure done. While getting ready to head out, I purposely reached for a pair of Fragle Rock socks a friend once sent me. During the procedure, I glanced down and saw my bright yellow socks. They made me grin to myself and feel a little more at ease.

Today, a package came from that same friend. In this package was a handmade card, some stickers for the kids and another pack of cool socks.

I will be changing into a pair of them today.

I like funky socks. Even when you need to be dressed professionally, you can usually wear a pair of unusual socks. So even if the rest of the world thinks you're conforming to the norm, you know that your bright green monster socks would beg to differ.

I like odd socks, but I LOVE my friends. If you are a friend bearing socks, then you rock my world.

After opening that package today, I'm now inspired to do more little things like that for my friends. There are lots of people I want to make/buy things for just to let them know I'm thinking of them. I think I just got the kick in the pants I needed to do that.

Just when you're about to throttle them, they do something like this.

Girl1 has had her third loose tooth for a while now. We actually found it was loose not long after the first one popped out, but it's holding firm and refuses to be yanked, twisted, or coerced out.

There's a carousel at a local mall. The kids have ridden on it a grand sum total of once and that was because my parents were out and they paid for it.

I would love to be a more spontaneous parent and let them do more fun stuff every once in a while, but their memories astound me and their expectations exhaust me. You let them do something once and they ask for it every single time after that.

That has been the case with that carousel. They last time they bugged me about it, I explained that they were more than welcome to use their own money to buy tickets.

Then, not long ago, Girl1 started putting more effort into freeing that loose tooth. While wiggling said tooth, she came up and asked me, "Do you tink da toof fahee ill ive ee ore oney if I ass?" Mispronunciations courtesy of the little fingers busy messing with the tooth. When I asked her why, she told me wanted enough money so that she could buy tickets for herself and her sister since her sister has yet to loose a tooth and it doesn't appear as though she will any time soon.

Awwwww.

Oh and today, we watched a kids' show about money. It focused on different ways in which we acquire money (work, gifts, allowance, loans, etc). When it was over, Girl1 came up to me and we had this conversation:

Girl1: They forgot one.
Me: One what?
Girl1: One way of getting money.
Me: And what would that be?
Girl1: The tooth fairy.

Thursday Thirteen: Random Early Edition

I'm only a little early.

I'm at a complete loss right now, so this week, my Thursday Thirteen will feature a random list of thoughts fresh from my stream of consciousness.




Thirteen Thoughts Rampaging Through My Mind Right Now



1…. I really really REALLY hope the military doesn't reactivate my husband.

2.....The speed of light is 186,000 miles/sec

3.....I memorized #2 when I was in the 7th grade on a field trip. It has actually proven to be very useful.

4.... Bamboo can grow 15 feet in 7 days.

5.....I learned that bit of information when the big kids and I were studying Tu B'Shevat for school.

6....Starbucks actually offers the Peppermint Mocha Frappacino year round, but they only put it up on the menu in December. Although, after December, you can't get those nifty little pink peppermint sprinkles on it.

7....The same is true of the Java Chip Frappacino. It may not always be on the menu, but you can get it anyway.

8....That last bit of information came in very handy after my sister had her baby (a homebirth, btw). I headed out to see her and asked what I could bring. Her only request was Starbucks, but she lamented the fact that the Java Chip Frappacino was not on their current menu. I was able to provide her with her chocolaty coffee goodness despite what the menu proclaimed.

9....I've never understood why Kermit sang, "Why are there so many songs about rainbows?" There aren't. There's ONE.

10....Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring banana phone. Although, in my head, it was the dead-pan talking version of the song, but I can't find that right now.

11....Long after our kids stopped watching Caillou, my sister and I will still randomly bust into the theme-song.

12....The Muppet Show is the kids' show that I think had the best theme.

13....I wish surfaces were all self-dusting.




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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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Oh hell!

Dh has gotten a few suspicious letters from the military in recent weeks. The short cryptic version of the story is that we now fear that, due to a series of unfortunate events, dh may be reactivated and sent to fight.

We very much do NOT want that to happen.

Oh hell!

Next on my list of craftiness

I love these work of art clips for holding children's artwork. That would be ridiculously easy to make from things we already have lying around (although I'd probably buy some more clothes pins which are endlessly useful anyway). I do believe that will be next on my list of things to make. Hmm...that could make a great Valentine's Day gift for the big kids.

I also wonder about making one right here for the office. We already have a cork board, but that clothesline could be useful for paperwork we need and having it in plain sight would be a great reminder so that I don't completely forget it. Right now, that would be a great way to keep track of our paperwork for taxes.

One could also be useful in the entryway. It could hold the mail and maybe then I could find my dining room table from under Mail Mountain.

The possiblities are endless.

Blog for Choice

I know several of my readers disagree with me here, but this is something about which I feel strongly.

I was reminded about the day by Kol Ra'ash Gadol.

I couldn't figure exactly what to write, but then I found the Smirking Cat's post. It's well-written and covers many of my thoughts, so I'll share that with you. Blog for Choice 2008

I will also direct you to Julia's heartbreaking story. I've known a number of people who were adamantly anti-choice, but reading her story gave them pause. She provides additional information here: Painful. Please read about her and her family.

The dream lives.

On Today's episode of Oprah, they featured people keeping Dr. King's dream alive. One story was about two unlikely cousins.

Vy, An African-American artist from Harlem found she and Marion, a white elderly cattle rancher from Missouri were cousins. When he first contacted her, he did not know she was African-American. It's unclear from the show or the article whether he was made aware of that, but there's footage of them meeting at the airport for the first time and it appears that's when he first learns of their differences. He throws down his coat, gives her a big bear hug and says in an astonished tone, "Cousins? Isn't that beautiful!"

That left me breathless and in tears. Their differences could have been startling or shocking or even disconcerting, but no, he found their differences and their ties beautiful. How wonderful!

In My Garden Grows a Tree

In my garden
grows a tree,
Dances day
And night for me,
Four in a bar
Or sometimes three
To music secret
As can be
Nightly to
Its hidden tune
I watch it move
Against the moon,
Dancing to
A silent sound,
One foot planted
In the ground.
Dancing tree,
When may I hear
Day or night
Your music clear?
What the note
And what the song
That you sing
The seasons long?
It is written
Said the tree,
On the pages
Of the sea;
It is there
At every hand
On the pages
Of the land;
Whether waking
Or in dream:
Voice of meadow-grass
And stream,
And out of
The ringing air
Voice of sun
And moon and star.
It is there
For all to know
As tides shall turn
And wildflowers grow:
There for you
And there for me,
Said the glancing
Dancing tree.
From Collected Poems for Children by Charles Causley

Ima on and off the bima's recent post inspired me to post this.

It's Tu B'shevat. We went to a Tu B'Shevat seder yesterday and it was lovely. As part of the seder, we read a slightly different version of the story Ima posted.

Honi came across an elderly man planting a carob tree with his grandson. Honi laughed at the man and said, "Silly old man, do you really think you'll live long enough to enjoy the fruit of your labor?" The man replied, "I eat today from my grandfather's tree." Honi then fell into a deep sleep. 70 years later, he awoke to find a huge carob tree and an elderly man tending it. Honi asked, "Are you the same man I saw planting this tree long ago?" The man replied, "No, that was my grandfather."

And now, I'll share two stories about trees.



With our ice storms last year, many trees were lost. One of my friends lost this tree in her back yard. That was the tree she, her husband and their son planted 8 years ago in honor of the baby daughter they lost. She was still born.

Here's a happier story for you.
This is why I love the Honi story so very much. I have lived it.

My grandfather was plant crazy. He planted trees all over the property. I was lucky enough to grow up in the same house where he had lived. So even though he died just before my 7th birthday, I grew up with evidence of him all around me. Time and weather have destroyed all but the one that stands in front of my parents' house. I played under the shade of all of those trees, but especially that one in the front. As a child, I studied its branches from my parents' bedroom window. I remember the times I tried in vain to climb that trunk. It has grown over the years, so now, when I visit, I can see the bright green leaves from the front door. That tree has been there through my father's childhood, mine and now, my children's. I have a deep affection for that tree. Its roots and mine are intertwined.

This guy should be a tourist attraction.

I want to head to Australia just to meet that guy.


No Headline Could Improve Upon This.
Conductor, as train comes in: Ahem: Quack-quack-quack, quack-quack, quack, quack, quack-quack... A-whoo-whoo!

Eltham
Australia

via Overheard Everywhere, Jan 21, 2008

Sit right back and you'll hear a tail.

This is an interaction between myself and my son from earlier today.

TheBoy is playing with a stuffed animal and pointing out different body parts.

TheBoy: Eyes. Two eyes. One. Two. Ears. Nose. Tail.
He then grabs at his behind and says in a questioning voice,
"TheBoy tail?"
Me: No. People don't have tails.
He then grabbed at his penis, pulling it and announced, "Penis. Tail."

Um...no. Good try, though.

Going green and begging for stuff

Yet again, I'm trying to win something. Although, you can't say I've sold out to the man because a woman is responsible for this give away. :-)

Tu B'Shevat is coming up. Robin had a fabulous Thursday Thirteen dedicated to it and she does a great job of explaining it. Why re-invent the wheel when you could just link to someone instead? You can also follow the pretty colored button up there to Ima on the Bima and read her haiku about it.

After Sunday school tomorrow, the whole family will be partaking in a Tu B'Shevat seder (see Robin's blog for more). We've actually never been to one before. I'm really looking forward to it.

Thus far, our Tu B'Shevat celebrations have included replanting items which make fabulous cat food. The big kids decorated planters and took home some plants after a family service last week, but unfortunately, one of the cats found the plants and thought they were awfully tasty.

Why does Johnny come marching homeless?

The lasting effects of the "war," are a favorite topic of mine (as we've survived them and are continuing to do so), so when I saw Erin McClam's recent article on the topic, I knew I'd have to share with you.

Why does Johnny come marching homeless?

Support our troops by sending good vibes

My friend over at Halfway Hip (with whom I have found over the years that I have far too much in common) is getting ready for her family to transition from military to civilian. Been there, done that, it's a surreal experience. We are not civilians. We've survived deployments and so very many other things exclusive to the military culture. There is no way we can completely separate ourselves from what we have endured and for most of us, no way we would want to do that.

It's such a weird and profound experience. Heck, it even prompted me to rename my blog. As Kristin Henderson wrote, it truly is like stepping off the spaceship. I blogged about it at the very beginning, so I'll just direct you to this post: Notes From A Former Military Wife.

Now a friend of mine is about to embark on that strange trip. Yet again, I want to remind people that the oddity and hardships do not end with the homecoming. That's just the end of your participation in the conflict over there for the time being. There are many conflicts still to be endured here at home. So pretty pretty please keep her and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Thursday Thirteen: Fortune Cookies

Thirteen fortunes I have saved over the years
Any spelling/grammatical mistakes are intentional. These are copied exactly.


1…. Something on 4 wheels will soon be a fun investment for you!
TheBoy actually got that one earlier this week and it cracked me up given his interest in all things with wheels.

2. You have a deep understanding of other people's needs and feelings.

3. Don't underestimate yourself. Your social skills are needed by others at this time.

4. No one conquers who doesn't fight.

5. Accept no others definition of your life, accept only your own.

6. The secret of getting ahead is getting started
Oh boy did I need to reread that one right about now!

7. Others appreciate your expressive qualities.

8. You will be unusually successful in an entertainment career.

9. You will be sharing great news with the people you love.

10. You discover treasures where others see nothing unusual.

11. Buy things because you need them, not because they are on sale.

12. You are a bundle of energy, always on the go.
Girl2 got that one once and oh boy was it the truth!

13. When the moment comes, take the last one from the left.
That is my very favorite fortune of all time.

And just FTR, I can't stand the taste of fortune cookies. I am, however, addicted to fortunes.


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The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others comments. It’s easy, and fun! Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

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I can't sleep, but I want to win stuff and I want to save the world too.

Ima on the Bima is giving away a really neat reusable bag and I want it.

So I'm blogging, commenting, and hoping for the best.

Completely random link

Someone sent this link on rounds and I like it, so I'm sharing.

21 Ways to Use Old Coffee Grounds

Britain has much cooler people than we do.

Screw this. I'm moving.

This is hysterical. It absolutely made my day. My niece sent me a version of this and I cracked up.



And this little girl (from the same show) is absolutely phenomenal.



While she didn't win, she did get a record deal.

Why I love my husband (#1347)

As part of my determination to be more organized, we made a trip to Target earlier this week. We bought several things to help with my quest. When we grabbed the plastic under-the-bed drawer, dh stuck it on the bottom of the shopping cart. After we paid, I noticed the drawer and asked if he had paid for it. He hadn't.

So I asked, "What do we do now?" To which he replied, "We get back in line and pay for it."

Whereas others screech and scream about the decline of morals in America, my husband quietly does the right thing. I think that is far more effective in teaching our children and far more telling about him and his beliefs.

Thank you for striking.

FTR, I support the writers' strike.

Last night, I was actually thrilled that there's a strike. The lack of anything new/decent on television lead me to search the dial. I found the latest installment of the PBS documentary, The Jewish Americans. It's fascinating.

Something else I found fascinating is that one of the historians (sorry, but I didn't catch her name) sounds so very much like my MIL. The historian's inflection and tone are so very similar to my MIL's. I'm assuming it's a NY Jew born to immigrants thing, but I just find it so fascinating that they have that in common. There are bridges between Jews all over the world. Our common thread extends from things like diet, experience, history, literature, music, etc. It's striking (pardon the unintentional pun) to find that connection in something so seemingly small as tone of voice.

Although, last night, when I mentioned to dh that the historian in the documentary sounded just like his mother, my husband's reply was, "Oh great! That's just what the world needs." You could hear the eyeroll in his tone of voice. :-)

You are NOT Suzanne Vega. Cut that out!

My life is a musical composed entirely by a set of first grade twins. They will not, however, win any Tony Awards for their lyrical wonders.

Girl2 is currently in the process of singing a song about her day where the lyrics are a jumble of those from various Signing Time DVDs (when she runs out of ideas, she yells out, "L,M,N,O") and other made-up lyrics wherein she describes what she is doing.

My whole life is like this now. It never stops. I'm all for creativity, but damn it, how the hell am I gonna survive their creativity?

The other day, Girl1 followed me around the kitchen singing about her day. "I'm walking in the kitchen. I'm looking out the window, but no one's there. I'm going to run to the back door..."

I turned to her and announced, "Hun, you are not Suzanne Vega. Please cut that out."

Contemporary Christian Music Scares Me,but not nearly as much as big corporations

Thanks to late night commercials, this Jew recognizes far too many of the songs referenced here:



I often complain about corporations taking over the world. The PapaJohns.com Bowl? Seriously? WTF?

When I was a kid, the local sports arena was just known as "The Arena." It was actually named for a corrupt dead politician, but no one referred to it as such. When I was a teenager, it became "Big Corporation Arena." Just recently, when we went to visit, I found it's now "Another Corporation I Never Realized Was Large Enough to Buy a Sports Complex Arena."

Now, American landmarks are no longer named for their location or historical context. They've been prostituted to large corporations. The South West Airlines Grand Canon or the Liberty Mutual Liberty Bell probably aren't far away.

File under "I want."

We're planning for a move in the next year or so. The girls have made both my husband and me aware of what they do/don't want in their new bedroom in their new house. One thing they want is their bedroom the same color. Um...not gonna happen. I regretted painting their room light blue from the moment I did it. We knew I would paint a mural and thought blue would be the best backdrop. We were wrong.

Regardless, I'm adding Chalkals to my wishlist for the girls' new room. They may look like ordinary wall decals, but they can actually be written on with chalk.

Do they still make chalkboard paint? If so, I could do something like that with stencils. Still, I thought those owls were awfully cute. And given the name of this blog, wouldn't these be perfect for my office?

This message was not approved by Mike Huckabee

Special thanks are extended to Giselle for bringing this to light.

Stooopid resolutions.

Damn it! I swore I wasn't going to make a resolution in honor of the new year. I think they're stupid and pointless. It's rare that someone sticks with theirs.

Still, without me even trying, I have stepped right into the pit of a resolution.

I am going to be more organized.

My mother is the type of person who has everything organized. She has covers on the couches. If there's even a speck of dirt on the floor, it gives her heart palpitations. My father is a pack rat. He keeps anything and everything. I know you're supposed to inherit 1/2 your chromosomes from each parent. It would appear I am a biological anomaly. It seems that I got all of mine from my father.

When I stayed with my brother, I found his pantry to be startling. Everything is in order, stacked nice and neatly with all the labels facing out. You would think it was a sign of a disturbed mind, but it's not. Whereas my mother's absolute need for cleanliness sometimes makes it difficult to function (no, I'm not being sarcastic), my brother is a brilliant well adjusted person with lots of friends. How is it that he got such a wonderful balance? I want that.

Since I was not born with the neatness gene, I need to over-compensate. I have got to find some way to make up for my failings. I started following Kamrin's lead by simplifying, but that has come to a halt. We did get rid of some clutter, but there's much more to do. It has gotten worse since Chanukah.

Today, we took the first step. We reorganized our bedroom and we're going to move a piece of furniture out of the office and into our room. Once we do that, it should be an avalanche of organization. That will give us room to add book cases wherein we can store lots of the school clutter plus I can take my craft supplies and photographs out of the giant plastic boxes which take up far too much room, sort them into smaller boxes and put them on the shelves.

We've been stuck in a holding pattern. We can't clear out one room because first we need to do something with another room, but we can't start that room because it has things that need to go somewhere else.

Here's hoping that we don't lose momentum and that we wind up with a straightened relatively clutter-free home in the not-too distant future.

ETA: I'm going to try to commit to this monthly checklist. I can do one thing a day.

Politics as a sport

An old friend of mine recently posted a blog entry wherein he mentions his contempt for those who treat politics as a sport. He refers to it as an entertaining way that those who are passionate use to escape.

I agree with a point he made about the disturbing obsession that some folks seem to have with their candidates (No, Giselle, I don't mean you and the Ron Paul-mobile) and I do see where he's coming from with the politics as a sport concept, but I think there are a group of us that he doesn't recognize.

We are a military family. I have posted over and over again about how a large part of the reason we are so passionate about politics is because it's a life or death situation for us--literally. Since I have ranted about that in the past, I won't do it again. I'll just get the point out there.

Yes, I feel strongly that I do NOT want certain people in office under any circumstances. While I'm not sold on any particular candidate just yet, I do feel strongly that there are some who would do a better job than others. I may very well be willing to go to political rallies. I may be willing to be an active part of a campaign. I may be willing to wear a cleverly-written t-shirt in support of a candidate or slap such a bumper sticker on my vehicle (since I can do that now. Woo hoo to no incumbent and a husband who is no longer active-duty).

Although we are passionate about the presidential race, there is no way in hell anyone could so much as suggest that it's "escapist entertainment" for us. And if they did make that suggestion, I can't promise that I would resist the urge to beat them over the head with a sign proclaiming my support for a particular candidate.

Kosher fo shure

Last night, we attended a family get together at the mall thrown by the shul we plan on joining (it's a higher level of observance than the one where we currently belong). Our big kids go to Sunday School there, so we already knew most of the families. My girls are great friends with a set of sisters who are 5.5 and 7. Their family has belonged to that synagogue for generations. I love the family. They're so sweet.

After we did Havdallah (the sun was long gone, so Shabbat was technically already over before we got there), I bought bottles of water for the kids. Girl1 examined her label closely and announced that her water was kosher.

The second-grader was with us as we walked out. She asked me, "What's kosher?" Wa wa WHAT? I know they don't keep kosher, but how on earth does the child--the JEWISH child who belongs to the more observant synagogue; whose family has belonged there forever not know what kosher is?

I was just floored. I think I said something like, "It means a rabbi says it's okay." And she asked, "Well what does that mean?" I told her, "It means we can eat it." Yeah, my explanation leaves much to be desired, but I was caught completely off guard.

On the drive home, I realized that the other sister had shared her candy with my girls. I normally don't let them have candy, but I figured this was a special event, so I'd let them have some. Since we were there with fellow Yids, I let my guard down. It was only then that I realized if that family shared them, there's a good chance the candy wasn't kosher.

Argh! I let my guard down with that group. I felt like it was one place where I didn't have to worry about some of the issues that concern me in the big big world.

Argh! Sometimes, I really feel like we just can't find our place in the world. I don't need the nirvana of synagogues. I just need somewhere where we can fit in, relax, put our feet up, saying a blessing together, and not have to worry that our snacks may contain pig corpse.

A tutorial from my son

Many of the craft blogs I frequent provide wonderful tutorials. From gourmet dinners to paper crafts, they provide their readers with step-by-step instructions.

Today, my son made it abundantly clear that he has something he would like to teach the world. I will let TheBoy take over and provide such information.

DISCLAIMER: Inspired by actual events.

Taking A Bath: A Tutorial

Step 1. Make certain you have some "Alone time." One fabulous opportunity is when your mother is otherwise occupied in another room, say in the office showing your sisters something on the computer.

Step 2. Occasionally saunter in and out of the room occupied by your mother so as to provide her with a false sense of security.

Step 3. Use the potty.

Step 4. Even if your normal routine is to loudly shout, "Pee," after such an event in return for much applause, do not do that now. It is imperative that you abandon that routine. Instead, remain silent.

Step 5. Stick your head in the potty chair. Your success depends on two things: the amount of hair you have and how saturated you get it.

Step 6. When your mother comes out and sees you, proudly announce, "Bath." Be forewarned that she will look horrified. Her reaction is directly related to how many other children have come before you. If you are a first-born, be prepared for absolute shock and disgust. If others have come before you and had the chance to try out this trick, you can expect your mother to react in a far more rational manner. If you are not the first-born, you will most likely move on to step 7 quicker and with much less fuss. Oldest/only children should be prepared for far more screaching. Please remember to be patient.

Step 7. Sit back and relax while you're carried to the bath. Resist the urge to sit back too far, though, because doing so may result in a wet mother. A urine-soaked mother is NOT a happy mother. This may increase the amount of screaming and will therefore delay the conclusion of this plan.

Step 8. Enjoy your bath.

DISCLAIMER: Please be advised that this bath may come at a great cost. Enjoy yourself now, but note that parents and older siblings reserve the right to retell horrifying stories from your childhood at the most inopportune times. What may seem like a fabulous idea when you're 2-years-old could prove to be an excruciating story-telling experience for you in 15 years. The likelihood that this event will be retold is directly related to whether or not you bring a date to dinner.

Thursday Thirteen: Relatives

Since some holidays have just passed and lots of people spent time with family, I thought I should blog about 13 different family personalities. A local radio station asked callers to give examples a few weeks ago and some of them were hilarious. While these were not taken from those answers, this was inspired by the concept. These are not all from my life. I'm using examples from friends as well.

In no particular order:

1. The high-haired leopard-print-wearing 70-year-old aunt

2. The competitive one who is only "In it to win it" even if the "in it" is a rousing game of Uno and the "win it" is nothing more than bragging rights over a 7-year-old.

3. The pre-teen 2nd cousin who just loves playing with the other kids for hours (and you include her on your "I'm thankful list" every single year)

4. She who can't cook, but insists on doing it anyway

5. The cousin/sister/brother/husband in whom you find solace because he/she is often the only sane one at the table and understands your subtle (or not so subtle) signs of exasperation when #1 tells yet another embarassing story about how, as a child, your toilet always over-flowed and it was always your fault.

6. Whoever brings the good wine (another one to add to the thankful list)

7. The kid/kids who eat everything and therefore make others feel inferior

8. The kid/kids who not only don't eat anything, but who spit out whatever is forced into their mouths, therefore causing other family members to gush even louder about #7.

9. The grandmother who must ask embarassing questions loudly and repeatedly.

10. The poor sucker (whether that is you or someone else) who #9 sets her sights on above all others.

11. The brooding emo teenager/young adult who refuses to speak to anyone if it can be avoided (and sometimes when it can't) and who you're fairly certain was the inspiration behind the brother in Little Miss Sunshine, just minus the part about him really being sweet and sensitive underneath it all.

12. Whoever CAN cook and provides a beautiful spread of gourmet food in order to make up for #4.

13. The family member/members with whom you can laughingly share stories (and sometimes scars) from your youth. It's even better if these are related to events in which you both/all took part and which no one outside your family knows/believes.

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Do you realize you said that out loud?

I wrote this a few years ago for a different blog, but a recent post at Dirty Little Secret about comments to pregnant women inspired me to resurrect this little gem.

For some folks, twins are an excuse to make stupid comments. Just because I have a set of kids who arrived as a pair does NOT mean you have a right to consequence-free stupidity. If you make an asinine comment, I reserve the right to mock you mercilessly.

When my twins were tiny, it was much worse. As they've gotten older, they look less and less alike, so people often don't realize they're twins (which leads to all sorts of other stupid questions), but we still get stupid twin comments on occasion. Complete strangers have said things like:

They don't look like twins.

Lady, they ARE twins and this is how they look. Therefore, based on definition, they do in fact, look like twins.

Oh a boy and a girl?

We got this one all the time when they were babies and even through toddlerhood. People said this when they were both wearing traditional "girl" colors. People asked this when they were in matching frilly pink dresses. People said this when they were both in pink shirts with the word, "GIRL" in large font (which, coincidentally are the same shirts I wore as an infant and people still insisted I was a boy too).

One woman even asked that when they were tiny and they were both in onesies. One was pink and the other's was white with a ballet slipper print all over it. When dh corrected her, the woman said, "Oh, but that one's in pink." To which I replied, "Yes, and the other one's in pink ballet slippers."

Let's not forget the countless people who, upon being told they were both girls, would say, "Oh but she/they is/are in blue." To which dh would reply, "Yes and so is my wife."

And it's so very difficult to top one man we met at McDonalds when the kids were about 15 months old. They were both wearing coordinating white frilly dresses with flowers embroidery. The man asked if the kids were a boy and a girl. When I answered him, the man said in reference to Girl2, "That's an awfully butch haircut on that one."

He's mad because he has to wear an outfit that matches his sister.

No, she's a girl and she loves her outfit. She's just mad that we have to take the time to deal with idiots like you instead of just paying and leaving. I swear Volde-Mart breeds these morons. The next comment came from a Wal-Mart cashier as well.


I'd kill myself if I was having twins.

Wow. That was the worst comment we ever got. How on earth do you reply to that? I think my mouth just fell open. And for me to be speechless, it's gotta be bad. Hopefully, you'll never reproduce and the world will be spared from the possibility of you spawning equally stupid off-spring.

I couldn't have handled twins at 16.

That was said to me when we were all out with my sister and niece. My daughters were maybe 6 months old at the time. The woman who uttered it was a sales clerk who then proceeded to follow us around and stare at us. Come on, lady. I know I tend to look younger than I actually am. It's a curse that has befallen my sister as well. But give us a break. 16? I was not, by any stretch of the imagination, 16 at the time. Are you so old that you have long since forgotten what 16 looks like? This was yet another one that left me speechless for a second, but when I recovered, I simply said, "Oh my! I couldn't have handled them that young either. I couldn't have handled one baby at 16." It didn't seem to help. The cashier didn't get it and continued to believe I was both a teenager and apparently a thief as well.

Well, I guess you're done.

No. we weren't done. We wanted more children (and have since had one). But what gives you the right to make such an intimate statement? Many twins today are a result of fertility treatment. So how the hell are you going to make someone feel whose twins are a result of clomid or IVF? While they may want more children, their physical issues may make that impossible. Now they have to deal not only with how that makes them feel, but with stupid comments from people like you. I came up with the best response, though. When people made this stupid comment, I said, "No, we're trying for at least 6." That always shut them up. I didn't really want 6 kids, but I did want to silence the stupidity.

They're awfully close in age, aren't they? or How far apart are they?

This one is usually said in a judgmental tone because people assume we are teenagers who don't know how to use birth control. It's a bit different now because we don't look quite as young as we used to (it helps that dh can have facial hair now that he's out of the military). This ticks me off to no end. We prefer to get the second question because then we can simply reply, "One minute." That usually stops them dead in their tracks. Mind you, the girls are only 1/2 an inch different in height and 3 lbs off from each other. So how far apart could they possibly be? Come on. They may not be identical, but they're obviously not far enough apart in age to be anything but twins.

Let's not forget one woman at Target who thought they weren't twins and then felt compelled to tell my sister and me (both complete strangers to her) that she conceived her second child on her first's birthday. AHHHHHHHHH. Too much information! We don't want to know that. No one does.

Often, in the same day, we'll have people who ask if they're identical and then someone will insist,
They don't look a bit alike.

AHHHHHHHHHH again.

One of my sisters actually made this stupid comment. Girl1 and TheBoy share many of the same facial features. They both favor their father. Girl2 favors me. When I sent pictures to family showing the resemblance between Girl1 and TheBoy, one of my sisters wrote back,

You need to have another one so Girl2 has a twin.

Um...she already has a twin. She came with one.

This conversation baffled me. Here's the scene; we're at the portrait studio. The girls are about 2. They're dressed in matching dresses.

Random lady: Are they sisters?
Me: They're twins.
Random lady: But are they sisters?

Um...as opposed to what?


And please note that if someone is rushing through the store with two babies roughly the same size in a double stroller, you can pretty much assume the babies are twins. No need to ask any questions. If said woman is rushing with two tiny screaming babies, you should avoid, at all costs, jumping in front of her and trying to ask questions about the babies. It should be obvious not only that the babies are twins, but also that this woman desperately needs to restock her fridge and she's trying her damnest to deal with the colicky babies in an attempt to go food shopping and YOU AREN'T HELPING.

I've blogged about the topic of stupid comments about kids once before, so I'll direct you there as well: FAQs For Morons

I know stupid comments are not reserved just for twin moms. Feel free to leave a comment and share other stupid comments you've had the "Pleasure" of having stupid people throw at you.

Indian food on Xmas

I mentioned the Jewish tradition of having Chinese food on Xmas and I ranted because the Chinese food places around here are closed on Xmas.

Well, then we found out that an Indian place I've been to, but dh always wanted to try was open. We later found out the Chinese food place near our house and my very favorite Chinese buffet were also open, but we still went with Indian.

My friends know me better than I do. When I mentioned to a friend that we were going to that Indian place, she said, "But you don't like that place." I insisted that it wasn't my favorite, but it was okay. Yeah, she was right. I was wrong. I don't like that place. It wasn't awful, but not great. I'm glad I went so dh got a chance to try it (he really liked it), but it's not somewhere I'll be going to voluntarily again. My friends, they rock. I need to listen to them more often.

Oh and how's this for a bizarre Xmas moment: there we are, the Jewish family, in an Indian restaurant on Xmas where they're playing a Barry Manilow Xmas DVD complete with him singing Copacabana and a handful of carols including one with Cindi Lauper who was donning bleached blonde high preacher's wife hair all while Manilow and guests had fake snow dumped on them on their indoor set.

Who needs fiction?

Adjective Cat is not amused.

I found the Wikipedia entry for lolcat to be, at times, as funny as the lolcats themselves.

It contains such gems as the quotation I used in the title along with these:

"[adjective] cat has run out of [adjective]"

and

"I has a noun" pictures show a cat in possession of an object while "Invisible noun" show pictures of cats apparently interacting with said invisible object.

Long story short: THIS SUCKS.

In fact, partners of the depressed commonly find themselves developing their own symptoms of depression, anxiety or phobias. Susan Anderson, author of The Journey From Abandonment to Healing (Berkley, 2000) says that such individuals "feel a real sense of loss, because although their loved one is still physically present, their partners are no longer emotionally available, which creates feelings of rejection, disappointment, hurt and abandonment."
from How to Help a Loved One Who's Depressed

My Xmas gift to you.

And by, "You," I mean my readers who are either Christian or those agnostics who celebrate Christmas as a secular holiday.

I found the funniest gift tags at Angry Chicken. And so, I am sharing them with you all (via a link to her fabulous creations).

Go forth and celebrate. For those of you who actually bought/made real gifts, head here for funny gift tags.

If you celebrate Xmas, have a good one. If not, come over to my place and we'll do something completely not Jesus-related together. :-) Unfortunately, the Chinese food places in our neck of the woods are closed on Christmas because they're all Christian. Dude, that's not fair! Stop Christian missionaries now before the Jewish tradition of Chinese food and a movie is destroyed. No movie for us either because we have a toddler who won't sit through one.

Now excuse me while I sigh loudly.

For those of you who celebrate, have a great Xmas.

For those of you who don't, please send some chicken and broccoli my way.

Another word from my kids

My children have been making gifts for friends. I suggested they might want to try personalizing each for the recipient. While making one for a friend's new baby daughter (yes, you), Girl1 had some questions.

Girl1: She's a baby. What would a baby like? Is she breastfed?
Me: Yes.
Girl1: Hmm...then maybe nursing bras? No, moms like those more than babies. I know. Babies like nipples. I can draw nipples.
Me: giggling quietly to myself

Keyword analysis

Just checked my stats and saw one of the searches that directed people here.


my husband got me a stupid gift

Oh, you poor thing. How stupid? Golf clubs when you don't play golf stupid or a cat shaped pot-holder stupid?

army of dicks

I've got no words for ya, just lots and lots of laughter.

spaceship christmas songs

If such a thing exists, this is probably the last place you'll find it.

pic of my sister topless

This is not the first time someone has found their way here with that one. My only consolation is that when they get here, they find the story of how my pregnant sister threw up on herself.

quote: have fun storming the castle

Whoever you are, you rock.

too many stupid people

How true!

adjusting to mother in laws

I've been married for nearly a decade and haven't mastered that. If you find a way to do that, come back and let me know.

save me from my mother

Yes, please.

And perhaps I never should have posted this post because a whole slew of people have found their way there by using some very "interesting" search phrases.

Thursday Thirteen: Names for Toys

Thirteen Awesome Toy Names 1....YourNuts The Dog had a stuffed bear that he got after we had him fixed. Dh thought it would be funny to name the bear YourNuts. He was right. That way, we could throw the toy and ask, "Where's YourNuts?" This was particularly hilarious when you remember the dog had just been neutered. What was even better was when the dog tore a hole in the bear while dh was on the phone with his father. Girl1 ran in and yelled, "The Dog destroyed HisNuts." My father-in-law was horribly confused, but we were amused beyond words. 2....MyNuts Aka the rabbit we gave the dog to replace YourNuts. 3....Seizure Bear When my daughters were tiny babies, my parents gave them these horrible bears that laughed maniacally and shook like crazy when you pushed their stomachs (ala Tickle Me Elmo). We donated one and took to calling the other one Seizure Bear. 4....Hello Mr. Zebra The girls had this Zebra toy. I named it Hello Mr Zebra in honor of a Tori Amos song. I also call TheBoy's bedtime toy by the same name. Original? Maybe not. Addicted to Tori Amos? Hell yeah! 5....NoDoubt The girls have an anatomically correct stuffed boy doll. When asked what they wanted to name him, they insisted we name him Nodoubt. At the time, we had just gotten a copy of No Doubt's greatest hits collection and we spent much time dancing around the house to it, so I assume that's where they got that from. 6....Bob Girl2 just loves that name. Not sure why. I find a stuffed animal named Bob to be amusing. 7....Jew Bear This menorah-holding (formerly) music-playing bear wearing a kipah. He's from my parents. All the really annoying toys are. I joke that he's Pooh Bear's second cousin. You know they're related because they have the same last name. 8....Dopeadope When the girls were about 18 months old, they were given their first real doll. My mom and I asked them what they wanted to name her. Girl2 said, "Dopeadopeadope." And so, Dopeadope it was. 9....Ungodlyketchup Girl2 (the queen of odd names) decided one of her dolls' was named Ungodlyketchup. I still don't know why. 10....Notacat That's the middle name of one of Girl2's favorite toys. She insisted she wanted to name him Cat. I pointed out that he was not a cat. She then declared that would be his middle name. 11....Made In China My brother gave the girls plastic fairies last year for their birthday. When they flipped them over, they saw writing on the bottom. Girl1 asked, "What's that?" Girl2 insisted, "That's her name." It said "Made in China" and so, that was her name as per my daughter's decree. FTR, I unfortunately had to throw Made In China and her winged sisters away the other day because of the lead paint concerns. 12....Jesus When I was 5, I got a baby doll which I insisted on naming Jesus. My mother tried to talk me out of it, but I was persistent. 13....Treif While not exactly a toy name, the girls once had an animal picture book. As babies, I never taught them "Pig." Instead, I taught them that the cute little smiling picture was "Treif (not kosher)." They didn't learn the word "Pig," until they were 3 or so, but from the time they were a year old, if you asked them, "Where's the treif," they would point to the picture of the pig and smile proudly. As they got older, when you pointed to the picture, they would proudly announce in their little voices, "Treif." My mother got annoyed and said, "That's awful," to which I replied, "But accurate."

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Quotation Wednesday continued: Celebrity WTF edition

I just read an article about Jamie Lynn Spears' pregnancy that had a few gems that were so awe-inspiring that, for the first time ever, I had to do TWO Quotation Wednesday posts.


Jamie Lynn Spears Says She's Pregnant

This is why it's bad that Louisiana provides no sex education at all in school (and, as a result, they have the highest teen pregnancy rate):

"It was a shock for both of us, so unexpected," she said. "I was in complete and total shock and so was he."

Really, it was a shock? Is it also a shock that 2+2 equals 4? So this is how abstinence only programs work.

What message does she want to send to other teens about premarital sex? "I definitely don't think it's something you should do; it's better to wait," she told the magazine. "But I can't be judgmental because it's a position I put myself in."

Insert your own joke.


Jamie Lynn plans to raise the baby in her home state of Louisiana - "so it can have a normal family life."
No offense intended to the fine state of Louisiana, but I have a few things to add.
#1. Define "normal."
#2. Yeah, that worked SO well for the Spears family.
#3. Let me remind you that one definition of "Insanity" is "Repeating the same behavior expecting different results." Of course, if grandma doesn't sell this baby out, it won't be the same behavior, so I suppose it could lead to a different result. I doubt that'll be an option, though.


Nickelodeon released a statement: "We respect Jamie Lynn's decision to take responsibility in this sensitive and personal situation...."
(my ad-lib) Although we at Nickelodeon really would have preferred it if the young Ms. Spears had taken responsibility about 12 weeks ago.

How wrong is this?

How wrong is it that last night, for a bed time story, dh opted to tell the girls the condensed version of the story behind Star Wars. That's not the wrong part. The wrong part is that, when the girls didn't understand dh's description of the Emperor, dh explained that he was like Bush and only then did the girls understand.