Proof of the existance of a higher being.

My youngest daughter is napping, in some place other than the swing or sling and has been doing so for an hour and a half.

Traditionally, this is a time where the clouds part and angels sing.

This child does not nap well. She never has. She usually naps in the swing, but not for very long. When we're out, you can guarantee that she'll nap in the sling, but at home, she's not a big nap fan. Sometimes, I'll take her to bed with me, nurse her and we'll both nap, but she doesn't nap very long that way (which is so strange because we cosleep).

Today, she's in the playpen (with the basinet attachment) in the other room and she's snoozing away. I keep checking on her, but yes, she is breathing and yes, she is sleeping.

There is a G-d and He likes me.

The wee one took pity on me and decided enough was enough. No more torture for the mama. Instead, WE HAVE A BABY.

She (yes SHE) was born last week. It's a girl--a gorgeous chubby little girl with wisps of hair and bright blue eyes.

She was born at home. No cutting me open this time. My body did it on its own. I pushed her out myself (with the midwife's help) and then reached down and grabbed her to pull her up to my chest. That was something I desperately wanted--to have my baby on my chest. Every other time, my babies were whisked away from me either in a rush to the NICU or just to another room so I could be put back together. I have never even held my children in their first hours. In that time, I was always lying flat on a table while doctors sewed or stapled me back together. This time, I wanted to know what it was like to have the baby immediately come from inside me and rest on my chest from the outside. I got just that and it was amazing.

Dh cut the cord. That's something he has never done before and something I always hoped he would. This time, he did.

There were many recitations of the Shehecheyanu. I said it over and over again. I can't tell you how many times I said, "Oh thank G-d." As has been the case with all my children, the first words I spoke to my daughter were the first few verses of the Sh'ma.

When it was over, dh and I went to bed--OUR bed together, the same bed where our youngest was born. I was on my side, he on his, the baby sleeping between us and we held hands and stared at her completely fixated and in love (with her, with each other, with life).

Our baby is here. She is healthy. She had the best possible entrance into the world. She helped fullfill so many dreams and hopes.

In all my life, I have never felt so powerful. I have never felt so in awe. I have never felt so thankful. I have never felt so close to G-d.

Stomping through my archives in an attempt to provide you with more information than you ever thought necessary.

I've seen this meme on other blogs, but Robin left it open so that one need not wait to be tagged. Since I still have nothing new of substance to share with you, I figured I'd go back and give this a shot.

Here's the deal, you stumble through your archives and find posts that fit these 5 qualifications:

Link 1 must be about family.
Link 2 must be about friends.
Link 3 must be about yourself, who you are… what you’re all about.
Link 4 must be about something you love.
Link 5 can be anything you choose.


Here are mine:

Link 1: Milk, it does a soul good (family)

Link 2: (friends)
My deep thought for the day And let me add, I no longer see that particular friend, but I think of her often. She was the FABULOUS one who planned this surprise party for me just after dh deployed. If you're still out there and still reading, I miss you, we all do.


Link 3: I'm going to cheat and post two

a) Shove it up your... (me) Yes, my children are the topic of it, but I don't think you can read that and NOT learn something about me.

b)The Truth is Out There (Those are the answers to a true/false game I played)

Link 4: (something I love) I'm cheating yet again and posting 2.
a)Another benefit of breastfeeding: Breastmilk contains sanity

b) Feel the love

Link 5: Restoring my faith in humanity (anything)

I'm adding a random bonus post just because I can. While looking through the archives, I found this which I had completely forgotten about: I fought the curb and the curb won. That's why I was on crutches in 4b. I think that one tells you a bit more about me.

There ya go. Hopefully, that helped you all learn something new about me. It was fun (and sometimes painful) to look through my archives.

I'm tagging Giselle (who needs to get her butt back and blog), Kamrin and Suzie

Oh hell!

Dh has gotten a few suspicious letters from the military in recent weeks. The short cryptic version of the story is that we now fear that, due to a series of unfortunate events, dh may be reactivated and sent to fight.

We very much do NOT want that to happen.

Oh hell!

Another benefit of breastfeeding: Breastmilk contains sanity

I've been feeling kind of numb. I haven't left the house. Haven't been to the gym in over a week (remember, I was there every day, 6 days a week and I usually go nuts if I have to miss even one day). I haven't felt much like dealing with the kids. I haven't done any school work with them (although, in an attempt to shut the bigger ones up, I gave them some work sheets to do by themselves yesterday).

So, today, I am especially grateful to be a breastfeeding mom.

When I got The Boy this morning, he immediately signed, "Milk please." I sighed because I really didn't want to. Reluctantly, I sat down on the couch, turned on the t.v. and nursed the baby. I was initially ignoring him and just flipping through news channels (I don't like Larry King in the evening hours. Why the hell does Headline News think I want to see him and his outdated guests in the morning? Dude, your channel is called "Headline NEWS." News is right there in the title. Quit showing all these idiotic commentators and their ridiculous shows and just give me my freaking news).

Then, I happened to get a whiff of the top of the baby's head. Luckily, he had a bath last night, so instead of that day-old spaghetti smell, it was that sweet baby scent. I closed my eyes and breathed him in. I noticed it calmed me down and made me feel better.

I turned off the t.v. and continued to sit there and sniff my son. For some reason, he wanted to nurse for a while and he asked to switch sides a few times. Normally, I would have been annoyed, but today, I didn't mind at all.

While nursing him, I noticed his sisters were playing pretend with their stuffed animals. So I started asking questions and talking to them about their pretend ice cream party with the 4-year-old panda bear and the 19-year-old giraffe who is training to be an astronaut.

When The Boy was done, he got down off the couch, flashed me a big grin and walked away.

A little while later, I said the Sheheheyanu quietly to myself so as to thank G-d for giving me the gift of breastfeeding and for allowing me to recognize the quiet beauty and serenity in the moment, in the act, in the children, and in myself.

Thank G-d for the sane ones.

We have established that my family is nucking futs. This is not news. I've been aware of this fact pretty much from birth.

Sometimes, all the dysfunction sucks the energy right out of you. You just want to bury your head in the pillow and scream or better yet, shake the screw-up in question and scream directly at them...loudly....with speech full of expletives.

So, thank G-d, every once in a while, you get a little beacon of hope. On occasion, you're reminded that there are family members who posses both sanity and common freaking sense.

It gives you hope for humanity. Maybe tikkun olam is possible. Not everyone is cruel and idiotic. Some people are genuinely nice and smart and sweet. And you know what? They actually give a damn about others and live their lives to reflect that.

I was reminded today that I have someone like that. That helps pull me out of the funk that is my family drama and say, "Hey, we're not all certifiably insane." That gives me hope. It also makes me think, "There must be a G-d and He must like me. We've got a fairly normal one. That's a miracle if ever I saw it."

I love my family. Even if I don't agree with the decisions, I try to be there for them to the best of my ability. Knowing that there's a drama-free zone, though, is a lovely thing. Knowing that someone came out of this primordial ooze that is our family as a genuinely good person gives me hope.

Feel the love.

I must take this moment to rave about just how very much I love my husband and my kids.

I wound up going to the ER as soon as dh came home last Thursday. What started out as a bothersome ankle became very painful. It got to the point where I couldn't walk on it at all. So we all headed to the ER. No broken bones (woo hoo), but I had soft tissue damage in my ankle and in my foot. I went home with an oh so fashionable orthopedic shoe and a pair of crutches oh and some pain medication. Can't forget the pain medication. I tend to scorn much of Western medicine, but bless them and their pain meds.

My husband is the most wonderful man in the world. Our house is designed for tiny little people (I'm not just talking about the kids), so trying to get crutches to fit through doorways, hallways, and around furniture was not fun. My amazing dh not only brought me whatever I needed, but he wrangled all three kids. Without being asked, he took off from work on Friday because he realized (long before I did) that I couldn't take care of the kids when I couldn't even pick The Boy (who isn't yet walking) up. Dh didn't complain once. I adore my husband.

And now we move on to my kids. I must say thank you, Irim, for your lovely compliment the other day. That really made me step back and realize that even though my kids have a tendency to drive me nuts, they are very sweet and very polite. We went out the other day and dh got annoyed with them over something. I told him, "Someone on the blog commented on how polite they are and you know what? They really are. We need to remember that." He agreed and wasn't nearly as annoyed with them as he had been.

Yesterday, they came home from Sunday school with a note from their teacher. The girls have homework. They discussed the things you find in a Jewish home. So we're to take them on a tour of the Jewish items in our home and they're to bring one in to class next week. We went on a tour and they have some ideas for what they want to bring (I'm going to cheat. In addition to whatever they pick, I'm sending them with their Mizpah necklaces. The Mizpah means "Watch-tower." It's taken from Genesis: May the L-rd watch between me and thee when we are apart from another." I said that prayer when dh was gone before we had kids, I said it when the girls were in the NICU and I taught it to the girls and we said it every night in dh's absence. They got their necklaces at their naming ceremony when they were tiny).

After our tour, I asked them, "What is the most important thing in a Jewish home? What is in our house that REALLY lets people know we're Jewish?" Girl1 blew me away when she answered, "G-d." I was thinking, "The people," but you know what, I like her answer even better. I made sure to tell her that and then we discussed how the people are important too and how our behavior is important because we reflect G-d.

Oh and on that note, I want to share this discussion with you. The girls left me a struggling a bit the other day. In the car, they asked, "How do we hear G-d? Because we can't hear what He's saying." I was taken aback, but I told them that we don't really need to hear Him with our ears. His words are in the Torah and by learning Torah, we can learn what He wants us to do. Then, we can hear him in our hearts because we know how He wants us to behave. Girl2 protested, "But I can't read Hebrew. So I can't read the Torah. Then I can't hear G-d." I explained that they're learning Torah every day. When they share and play nicely, they're learning Torah because they're learning that's what G-d wants them to do. When they go to Sunday school and they learn about shul, Hebrew, and our ancestors, all those things are found in Torah. When we say prayers, those are all from the Torah. Once I explained that, they were quite pleased with themselves for being so very smart. :-)

I love my kids. They may leave me exhausted, but they also leave me giggling, beaming with pride, and in awe.