The Moment I Knew

I'm taking part in e.p.t.'s "Moment I knew" blog tour.

Just thinking about that moment when I first learned I was pregnant (we'd later find out it was with not one, but two babies) makes me grin like a big idiot (a happy idiot, though).

With our first pregnancy, we were ttc (trying to conceive) when my husband was sent away. We tried to plan visits around my cycle, but with no luck. Every month, my cycle got longer and longer, so every month, I took a pregnancy test only to be greeted with a great big honking evil BFN (big fat negative). I was heartbroken.

Then September 11th happened. My husband was away and I had just found out, yet again, that I wasn't pregnant (I visited him a few weeks prior in an attempt to catch ovulation). My lmp (last menstrual period) was September 8, 2001. During the awful chaos of the 9-11 attacks, I was thrilled that I wasn't pregnant and it made me question whether I even wanted to have children given all the uncertainty in the world. Dh and I discussed it in depth and decided we still did. We took comfort in the fact that maybe we could raise children who could counteract such hatred.

It was good that we came to that agreement because, when I visited him 3 weeks later, it finally worked. He came home for good (well, as "for good" as you can get in the military) a week after that and I kept joking that I was pregnant (Would you grab an extra piece of chocolate? Oh, it's not for me. The baby wants it.), but we just didn't know. I didn't have any of the usual symptoms. In that time, the military had given us orders to move almost immediately. So we planned one last trip to visit family in the area before we were sent across the country.

While visiting, we stopped to pick up an e.p.t. I tucked it away and we went to bed. In the morning, I woke up before Dh and took the test. I refused to even look at the test until a full 5 minutes had gone by. I was terrified that it would be yet another negative.

When I looked at the test, I was shocked. TWO LINES. I had never seen two lines before. I stared at it for a while trying to believe it. Then, when I was fairly certain this was really happening, I went back into Dh who was still sleeping. I shook him and whispered, "It worked." It took him a second, but suddenly he sat up straight and I handed him the test. He saw it too.

We decided not to tell the family right away, but we had a family dinner that night. We just about floated through that dinner. We were SO happy. Giddy as can be, we had to keep our news to ourselves and pass the potatoes. We couldn't hide our excitement, though. There are pictures of us at that dinner and you can see these huge goofy grins our faces in every single one.

I still have that test. I tucked it away and everywhere the military sent us, that test came too. Nothing in the world will ever compare to the early morning when I first saw two lines.

I wrote this review while participating in a blog tour campaign by Mom Central on behalf of e.p.t and received an e.p.t. keepsake case and a $20 gift card to JustGive.org to facilitate my review.

You can find out more about e.p.t. products (including a keepsake bag which would have been ideal for toting my first test around the country) at testaccurately.com.

Mommy Moment Winner

I signed back on after Shabbat to find great news.

Woo hoo. I won. I won.

Future Mama over at Baby Makin Machine has a "Mommy Moment" contest each month (although not this month because she has quite a bit going on with her MOD fundraiser. Go help save babies.).

I entered my post "Restoring my Faith in Humanity" for September and I WON. Yay. Yay. Yay.

This month, the prize was a a diaper bag and matching changing blanket from Couturière. The timing on this couldn't be better. You remember my husband's cousin who is now due ANY DAY? The one who lost her job and was evicted? She bought a diaper bag from someone on Craig's List, but it fell apart before she even got a chance to use it. Things have gotten worse for her and she absolutely cannot afford a diaper bag even though her little boy could arrive at any moment. So I'm going to pass this along to her.

A huge thank you to Future Mama at Baby Makin' Machine and to Kayce from Kayce's Doula Journey who was this month's judge. When I saw, "Doula" in the title, I knew her blog would be right up this birth advocate's alley and I was right. I just added myself to her list of followers.

Thank you. Thank you. THANK YOU. What a fabulous way to begin the week!

Yet another fortune cookie of abstinence (aka: The Chinese Place Hates Me)

In addition to exclusively breastfeeding, we are now using condoms AND I'm temping in the morning in an effort to prevent pregnancy. Why are we going through all this trouble when getting pregnant has never been easy for us? Because a fortune cookie scared my husband. It could have been warning of a lottery-ticket-bearing Oompa Loompa*, but no, my husband feared it referred to a baby.

If you recall, there was a night last month (which turned into a whole freaking week because it terrified my husband so) where I didn't get any because of a stupid fortune cookie. At the time, I grumbled a little bit, but mostly laughed. Ha ha. That's funny how that can be interpreted to fit our current situation. By the end of that week, though, I wasn't laughing quite as loudly. It's just a freaking cookie. Get the hell over here!

A few days ago, we went to the same Chinese place and once again, we got fortunes. Girl1 and I both eyed the same fortune cookie, but she got it first. When she read the fortune out loud, my husband said, "Oh no. That one was meant for you."




Oh hell! So now, I'm beginning to seriously wonder if that restaurant has it out for me. Dude, WTF? And no, my husband has not touched me since that fortune.

Then, this morning, we opened the front door to find a box. It's yet another great big box o'WTF from my mom (see #9). It's a package, for my daughter--the one who actually opened that fortune cookie. Never in my life have I been so thrilled to get a random box of insane stuff that we neither want nor need. I don't know if that package will prove lucky for my daughter, but hopefully, it will for me. A big box of useless unnecessary stuff has fulfilled the pastry prophecy therefore leaving us free to enjoy some indoor sports. Game on!

*I'm borrowing the lottery-ticket-holding Oompa Loompa from someone on twitter, but I can't remember who said it. If you know, please post her name in the comments.

It's the Shehecheyanu-a-palooza at chez Reiza

TheBaby is our last baby. Her birth was so amazing that I would gladly do that again another 10 times, but we've agreed that four children is the perfect number for us. We had a difficult time getting pregnant every time and after my second pregnancy, we didn't even know if we'd be able to have another baby. The fact that we did and we carried TheBaby to term is a miracle. Yes, we found out after-the-fact that we lost two others during that pregnancy, but our daughter survived and she is wonderful. She has completed our family.

Yesterday, as I sat with her at my breast, I looked at her gorgeous chubby cheeks that puffed up and down while she nursed, her sweet long lashes on her delicate eyelids that were closed as she nursed to sleep, her chubby arms clutching my shirt and I felt the weight of her ever-growing strong and squishy body. I whispered the Shehecheyanu while she nursed.

I cannot be more thankful to G-d for allowing us to reach this season--this wonderful season that finds our home filled with happiness and healthiness.

I'm not getting any and it's all a fortune cookie's fault.

We went for Chinese tonight and, as is common in Chinese restaurants, we each got fortune cookies. I don't really like the taste of fortune cookies, but I do so love the fortune. I love everything about them. When my daughters each read their first ones by themselves, I took great delight. The ones that really resonate with me are kept and displayed. I got one in December that said, "Remember three months from this date. Good things are in store for you." My youngest daughter was born exactly 3 months and 1 day later. Sometimes they have bits of wisdom. Sometimes they're funny given current circumstances. Sometimes, they're freakishly true.

Today, my husband got this fortune:

Upon reading that, he screwed up his face, said, "Oh hell no," and then added, "I'm not touching you tonight."

Oh joy! I got a side order of abstinence with my moo goo gai pan. Dude, that was NOT on the menu.

Nice people ROCK!

Dh's little cousin (who is all grown up now, but was about 10 years old when I first met her) is going through a rough time. I've been pretty open with you all about the difficulties we've had this year. Well, dh's cousin is facing her own troubles and on top of that, she's pregnant and expecting a little boy in October.

I've tried asking for help for her a few times and Twitter and while I got lots of RT's (retweets), I didn't get any offers to help, until recently.

Grudgemom has put together a nation-wide baby shower for dh's cousin. You can read more about what she's going through at that link.

If you can help in any way, please do. If you can afford to, please buy something from the registry. For all my beloved Etsy sellers, if you make children's items and would like to send one their way, please do. If you're not on Etsy, but you make children's clothes/items, we would greatly appreciate your help. If you would like to donate hand-me-down clothing, please do (just remember they're in Florida, so they don't have much need for snow suits). If you'd like to do something other than the registry, please contact me (comment here or send an e-mail) and I'll help you out. I'm sending her some books, a box of nursing pads, the few newborn diapers we have (we never had many), and some boys' clothing, but unfortunately, TheBoy's newborn clothing is almost all for cold weather. Our financial situation is improving, but there's not too much we can spend, so I'm trying to pass along what I can.

A huge THANK YOU to Grudgemom and RG Natural Babies. And a big thank you to everyone who can help in any way.

Moment of silence

A friend of mine has lost a baby. I can't write. I don't feel up to bitching about little trivial things. Instead, I'm taking a moment of silence in honor of her baby.

Please send prayers and good thoughts her way.

What do I do with this?

So, we have the triplet thing out there. Now what? What do I do with this? I'm not even talking about processing the whole thing emotionally. I'm talking about how I define myself now.

Am I a mom of triplets? Do I refer to myself as such? I will never know the ins and outs of daily life with triplets, so I don't feel right doing that. It's like the woman who says, "I breastfed my children and I never breastfed in public." Then you find out she breastfed 2 or 3 times in the hospital and that was the extent of her breastfeeding experience. You define your own success, but unless you live the realities of it, you don't really understand the situation.

For the same reason, I don't think it's fair to refer to myself as such. Yes, I carried triplets, but only one survived.

At the same time, I want to acknowledge the babies. This is really the only forum where I can talk about this and I want to claim them as my own. I wasn't able to give birth to them, but we created them and I carried them. I feel the need to acknowledge them.

Do I refer to myself as a MoM (mom of multiples)? I have twins who survived (B"H) and, for a brief moment, I had triplets. What notation do I include in that?

Anyone have any suggestions? I just want to find a way to acknowledge the babies without claiming to be something I'm not.

3 It's the Magic Number. Then Again, Maybe Not

I've taken some time to process some information and I still don't know what to do with it. For the most part, we have decided not to share this with people we know IRL. I don't know why. I'm just not comfortable talking about this with most people I know in the real world (as opposed to my imaginary friends in the computer). I'm going to post about it, though, because I need to talk myself through this.

You remember my youngest daughter? She's the oh so adorable infant who came into this world in the most amazing fashion at home and completely changed our world. Remember her? Well, we found out that she was not a singleton.

She was a triplet. The other two, however, didn't make it past the first trimester.

Early on, I wondered. In the early days, this last pregnancy felt very similar to my twin pregnancy, only moreso. I was far more exhausted and nauseated than I was even with twins. Since I was so tired and sick, we put off getting an ultrasound until later than usual. We saw one baby on the ultrasound and breathed a sigh of relief. Now, though, we realize they were already gone by then.

When TheBaby was born, there was evidence of the other two. G-d bless the midwife, though, she didn't explain the signifigance of it. I had my suspicions (as dh later admitted as well), but I'm glad to have avoided the weight of that when I was busy cuddling a tiny newborn. Our amazing homebirth wasn't tainted by the knowledge of what we lost.

A few weeks ago, I asked the midwife about it. I expected her to tell me we were reading too much into it and that these things weren't an indication of other babies at all. Instead, she said, "Yeah, that's the only reason that would happen."

I had triplets. Well, I "had" them in the sense that, for a brief period, I carried them. I didn't actually give birth to them. I need to be able to own that. I need to be able to acknowledge that they were there. I can't do that much in real life.

I still don't know how to think or feel.

I know we never would have had the birth we did if I had given birth to triplets. TheBaby's birth was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. For the first time, I was able to give birth to a child in a way that did NOT put the baby or me at risk. The birth completely changed my world.

Could my body have carried triplets to term? All signs point to, "No." My daughters' prematurity was a result of my body's inability to provide for them. I never went into labor. They were cut out because I developed pre-eclampsia and my body put them at risk. Yes, midwifery care prevented the problem in later pregnancies, but my midwives couldn't have taken me on. A triplet pregnancy after 2 c-sections would have ruled out a homebirth and would have limitted the pre-natal care my midwives could have provided.

For oh so many reasons, having three babies would have been devestating.

I know full-well that this was for the best.

Still, we had triplets. For a little while, I carried two babies that we'll never know.

I'm torn between the logical and the emotional. I don't regret how things worked out. My daughter is a blessing. Her birth was a blessing. Still, I wonder.

Thursday Thirteen: Useful pregnancy stuff

In no particular order, here are 13 items I found useful while I was pregnant:

1. Blush topless undershirts. I first heard about these from a friend, but heard even more about them from a few of the mom bloggers. After I lost a few contests for them, I bought two for myself for chanukah with money my MIL sent. I LOVE them. They worked great to cover the annoying belly panel in my maternity pants at the end when I got so big my shirts no longer did it. Plus, on one occasion, I was able to wear a regular pair of dress pants and use the Blush to cover the fact that the top wasn't zipped (or anywhere near that) plus it held them up. I wear these all the time now to keep me covered when nursing. Honestly, I'm far more freaked out by the idea of someone seeing my postpartum stomach than my breast. Plus, these work great for helping to hide the belly bulge. They don't suck you in at all, but having the extra layer over it helps to cover the extra rolls.

2. Yoga pants. I believe it was Ima on the Bima who made the suggestion via twitter (see #10). After trying and failing to find decent maternity pants at reasonable prices, I sent out a tweet asking for tips or specific stores. At first, I wasn't sure about buying regular yoga pants (not maternity), but then I realized the new pair of maternity pants I had just spent a fortune on (with elastic waist rather than the panel) were really just glorified yoga pants, only not nearly as comfy as my much cheaper yoga pants had been. So I hit Wal-Mart and was shocked to find that even while hugely pregnant, the regular yoga pants (I went with Danskin) had enough give for me to wear a small. I saved a ton of money and I can still wear them now.

3. Earth Mama Angel Baby's Happy Mama Spray. I won a small bottle of this in a blog giveaway (along with some other Earth Mama Angel Baby products) and I LOVE it. The smell is wonderful and it really does help with nausea. Dh had to deal with something that had an awful smell and made him feel nauseated. I sprayed some of this on fabric and had him hold it over his face. It helped. My only complaint is that it fades quickly. Don't bother putting it on your skin. Instead, put it on clothing. The fabric holds the scent much better. I wish I had had this earlier in my pregnancy (when the morning sickness was kicking my butt). It's great.

4. Pepermint oil. I LOVE taking baths with pepermint oil. The scent helps wake you up which is much needed during the third trimester. Plus, pepermint has a warming sensation which helped with my sore muscles. Be VERY careful, though. You only need a few drops in the bath. I also used a few drops mixed with olive oil and applied directly to the areas where I was sore. Smells much better than the comercial alternatives. Again, be very very careful and only use a tiny bit.

5. SinuCleanse Squeeze. I had a netti pot, but was not a big fan. I could never hold it comfortably and it hurt. My midwife admitted she had the same problem and suggested I try this. I LOVE it. It helps so much with stuffy noses. During pregnancy, you're limited in what drugs you can take plus you tend to get bloody noses and everything irritates your nose. This helped with the congestion, it helped prevent bloody noses and it didn't bother my nose at all. The pack I got came with premeasured packs of salt which helped as well. This is SO much easier than the netti pot and it works great.

6. Funny videos. We always need a laugh, but we particularly need one (or many) while pregnant. I LOVED getting (and sharing) funny videos while I was pregnant. It didn't matter if my back hurt, if I was feeling hormonal, or if I was exhausted; I still laughed and felt a bit better.

7. Platform shoes. In the last month of my pregnancy, I could no longer comfortably reach the pedals in the car. Wearing platform shoes was the only way to do that. No, I'm not kidding. My chiropractor (see #8) said that as long as they were flat, I was fine.

8. Chiropractors. This was my third pregnancy, but the first time I saw a chiropractor and I wish I had been able to see one with my other pregnancies. I got relief for my back, pelvis and shoulders. It was wonderful. I found myself trying to will time to move a bit faster so that I could get to my next appointment.

9. Wii Fit. We didn't do individual gifts to each other for chanukah. Instead, we got a Wii and dh found the Fit (not an easy task before Xmas). I was able to do most of the yoga moves and a good deal of the strength moves all through pregnancy. It's the first time I've exercised during pregnancy and I liked it. Dh has lost 20 lbs since we got the Fit. I didn't lose any, but it did help keep me in shape. Plus, there is NOTHING as hysterical as a woman 9 months pregnant hula hooping on the Wii Fit. FTR, even while pregnant, I still made it to Professional Penguin.

10. twitter. Twitter was fabulous for getting reviews, finding giveaways, and just keeping me distracted. I was able to win some free things for the baby through giveaways I found there. I was able to try (and avoid) products after reading reviews. I found other pregnant women with whom to compare notes and share stories plus I found other great parenting-related blogs through twitter.

11. Comfortable slip-on shoes. Luckily, my platforms (see #7) were comfortable, but one pair required tying (very difficult while pregnant) and the other pair are sandals (not always useful in the winter). So I typically wore low simple slip on shoes. I had one pair that got worn to death. They were flat and had velcro, but could be slipped on easily. I also found a pair on clearance at Wal-Mart for $3.50. Yes, they were those horrid croc knock-offs (I am generally not a fan of crocs), but they're comfy and they have removable fur lining which made them warm and they could easily be slipped on and off. I took the lining out of them the other day and wore them in the yard. Anything that's cheap, comfortable and can be used postpartum is fabulous even if it is ugly.

12. Music. During labor, my playlist came in particularly handy. I found singing helped me get through contractions.

13. Birth necklace (will post picture in the morning). At my shower/blessingway, my friends made me a birth necklace. This is something we have done at every shower for the past few years. I started it when I came across the idea online and we did it through everyone else's shower even when I didn't know if I would ever get pregnant again. It truly was a blessing not only to be among friends, but to actually be pregnant and surrounded by friends. Everyone picked a bead for each of their children and added it to the necklace. I was wearing the necklace when my daughter was born. It was so neat to have something that represented my friends and their prayers and good thoughts for me.

Get the Thursday Thirteen code here!

The purpose of the meme is to get to know everyone who participates a little bit better every Thursday. Visiting fellow Thirteeners is encouraged! If you participate, leave the link to your Thirteen in others’ comments. It’s easy, and fun!

Trackbacks, pings, comment links accepted!

View More Thursday Thirteen Participants

April is cesarean awareness month

ICAN is a great resource.

I just learned discounted memberships are being offered this month in honor of cesarean awareness.

I am a VBAC mom and I cannot say enough for the differences between a c-section and vaginal birth. It's a whole different world. The c-section rates are far too high and are putting way too many moms and babies at risk.

The wee one took pity on me and decided enough was enough. No more torture for the mama. Instead, WE HAVE A BABY.

She (yes SHE) was born last week. It's a girl--a gorgeous chubby little girl with wisps of hair and bright blue eyes.

She was born at home. No cutting me open this time. My body did it on its own. I pushed her out myself (with the midwife's help) and then reached down and grabbed her to pull her up to my chest. That was something I desperately wanted--to have my baby on my chest. Every other time, my babies were whisked away from me either in a rush to the NICU or just to another room so I could be put back together. I have never even held my children in their first hours. In that time, I was always lying flat on a table while doctors sewed or stapled me back together. This time, I wanted to know what it was like to have the baby immediately come from inside me and rest on my chest from the outside. I got just that and it was amazing.

Dh cut the cord. That's something he has never done before and something I always hoped he would. This time, he did.

There were many recitations of the Shehecheyanu. I said it over and over again. I can't tell you how many times I said, "Oh thank G-d." As has been the case with all my children, the first words I spoke to my daughter were the first few verses of the Sh'ma.

When it was over, dh and I went to bed--OUR bed together, the same bed where our youngest was born. I was on my side, he on his, the baby sleeping between us and we held hands and stared at her completely fixated and in love (with her, with each other, with life).

Our baby is here. She is healthy. She had the best possible entrance into the world. She helped fullfill so many dreams and hopes.

In all my life, I have never felt so powerful. I have never felt so in awe. I have never felt so thankful. I have never felt so close to G-d.

Baby update: Torture me baby one more time

With my son, I lost my mucous plug, my water broke and my labor began all within a few hours. While I had some Braxton Hicks contractions, it was very obvious when real labor began and once it did, it didn't stop until my son was born. There were no questions, no false starts, no doubts.

Two weeks ago, the baby dropped. I recognized the pains and sensations in my hips as the same ones I experienced last time around 2 weeks before my son was born. Last week, the contractions/surges started--real contractions, unmistakable sensations. That was around 6pm. They were 10 minutes apart. We went to bed and they continued. They ranged from 5-20 minutes apart all day and night, from 6pm one evening to about 11 pm the following evening. Dh took time off work. We worked to get the house ready for the midwives. Then the contractions stopped.

Then we did a lot of cursing. As we've been doing ever since. The contractions/surges will pick up only to stop.

I've never experienced anything like this before. I'm doing pretty well working with the surges now (wasn't initially), but it's breaking my heart and frustrating me to no end to have these starts and stops.

It's one thing to work with your body when you know a baby is on the way. It's quite another thing to feel like your body is playing some sort of sadistic trick on you. My life is NOT one of the Saw movies. Please cut that out. I am 9 months pregnant. Now is NOT the time to torture me just to watch the reaction. I can assure you the reaction will involve expletives, whimpering and probably fair amounts of projectiles.

We'll Still Be Freakin' Friends

Title is from that song. Yeah, it leaves much to be desired, but I loved Daria.

I must pause to say a huge, "Thank you," to my friends (and those family members I actually like enough to consider friends). My weekend was made when I opened a card that contained a Target gift card from a friend. One friend who has a hell of a lot going on in her life right now made time to not only come to my shower, but to even make a gift. Another friend, who also has a ton going on, stepped in last minute to help plan that shower. Who thought I would get excited over diapers? When I lamented that I wanted to buy a pack of newborn disposable diapers (to get us through the merconium stage), my niece insisted I resist that urge and she sent me a pack and a half that she had left over. A friend of a friend sent me wool diaper covers. I've gotten a lot of emotional support from a select group of friends and I really appreciate that.

So a huge thank you to my real friends out there. I appreciate it more than you know.

The modesty of painted bellies

Maybe if I wore long skirts and wigs, this wouldn't be a problem. Maybe then my views on modesty would be a bit more obvious.

I am a Jew. I am a traditional Jew. I do not follow Orthodox customs of dress (long skirts and sleeves) nor do I, a married woman, cover my hair. I do, however, believe in Tzniut--modesty. My daughters do not wear bikinis. They will not wear anything that leaves their belly button beared. Generally, the most skin I show are the elbows down to hands. Some O's would have a problem with that, but I don't. It's how I feel comfortable, yet honor the concept of Tzniut.

If I wear a top that's too low cut, I hold it up with safety pins. Yes, I do carry a selection of pins in my bag just for that cause. Now that I'm at that hugely pregnant stage, I often lift my shirt up at home so that I can watch a foot poke out here to the left or see a bum roll when he/she launches off from my ribs. There, with only my immediate family, you will see my stomach in its stretch-mark glory. Well, YOU won't see it because of the rules of Tznuit. My husband and children will, but no one outside our immediate home. When my brother came to visit, I never once bared my belly. When my parents were here, I had no urge to show them. When it comes to friends, I am the same way. My belly is reserved for me, my husband and my immediately family. I am not comfortable with having it on display in any way shape or form nor do I think it's appropriate.

I have a (goy) friend who had henna tatoo done on her stomach during her last pregnancy. It was lovely--just gorgeous and it fit her personality wonderfully. It was not, however, me. It's my understanding that she plans on having that artist do my pregnant belly. I desperately want to avoid that. I very much do not want that to happen. If I say that, though, I risk hurting her feelings (I hear she's been planning this thing for a while). If I go along with it, I will be annoyed with myself. How can I ask Hashem for protection in labor when I just so blatantly ignored not only His laws of Tznuit, but also my own conscience which He gave me?

I'm at a loss and I only have a few hours to figure it out.

EDIT: I called my friend and explained my feelings to her. She suggested we do the art on my hands which is what we did. I was MUCH more comfortable with that and she was thrilled that she got to do it for me.

Dear Robeez, You're Mean.

Oh, this is simply unfair. I adore shoes. I admit that I'm a bit of an addict. I like Robeez, but I've never actually bought a pair new. I've always gotten them second-hand either as hand-me-downs or at consignment shops (RIP my favorite shop which has closed its doors thereby eliminating any chance of finding great bargains). I've bought other (much cheaper) brands of soft-soled shoes online (through co-ops and eBay), but never Robeez.

Today, I get an e-mail from Robeez featuring their new shoes. Many of the soft-soled shoes I had for my other children were loaned to friends and have since been lost. So this baby will need new shoes. Our bank account, however, does NOT need us spending insane amounts of money on baby shoes. If this was our first baby, I'd be more willing to spend the money since it would be an investment that we could use in the future. This, however, is our LAST baby and so I'm reluctant to spend the money. Man oh, man, these new shoes are adorable, though. Check these out. They are, quite possibly, the cutest shoes ever. The new Mini Shoez are my very favorites.

I'm very nearly drooling over these. Unfair--it's simply unfair. Robeez, you make adorable shoes, but you're such a meanie!

Doing the baby dance to a military beat

This realization just occurred to me: I'm having a baby. My husband is here. There are no plans for him to go anywhere.

With my first pregnancy, we got pregnant on the day we were reunited (Oh boy were we reunited!). We had been trying to conceive before that with no luck, so it was a very welcome turn of events. My pregnancy was a high risk one, so he wasn't deployed and I didn't have to worry about it too much.

Then the US went into Afghanistan and Iraq. The twins were just babies when we took them for pictures with dh in uniform. There were rumors of impending deployments for him and I wanted pictures of them with their daddy before that happened. He was gone for a few weeks for training, but that was the worst of it during infancy. We were very blessed and he stayed home until just before they turned 18 months old. He didn't make it home in time for their second birthday.

We actually started TTC earlier than originally planned with our second pregnancy because we knew he was going to be deployed yet again. We had to evaluate pregnancy, birth, early infancy, and toddlerhood to decide what point he would be least willing to miss. How awful is that? You have to decide what part of your child's life from which you're willing to be absent. Either we would have to wait to TTC until after his deployment or we needed to start ASAP so that he could be here for the birth (birth and early infancy was what we decided were most important. It was important to him to be here in toddlerhood too when the child could remember him. The girls had a rough time when they were toddlers and daddy left).

Luckily, they kept post-poning his deployment because we had a difficult time getting pregnant. Eventually, we got pregnant and he was able to stay around until TheBoy was 4 months old. Dh made it home in time for TheBoy's first birthday. Before he left, though, dh donned his uniform and took pictures with the baby. I never said it out loud, but it was, "Just in case."

This time, we were able to start trying for our 3rd (and final) pregnancy on our own schedule. Dh is still military, but he's currently innactive. For the first time ever, we didn't have to take deployments and military schedules into account when deciding when to have another baby. I've been very comfortable during this pregnancy with my husband by my side for the entire thing. Hell, he's only missed one midwife appointment (the first pregnancy, his crazy work schedule made it impossible for him to make some of my appointments and the second time around, he was often gone for training). We can plan a birth knowing that he'll be right there with me. We can look forward to infancy knowing dh be a part of it. When this child says, "Dada," for the first time, we know that he/she will NOT be refering to a telephone.

The reality of this is just now hitting me. This is such a surreal feeling. Woah!

Thursday Thirteen: Labor Playlist

I'm trying to come up with a collection of songs to put on a labor playlist--songs I can listen to while I'm in labor. Here are my choices thus far in no particular order. Jump in in the comments if you want to throw out some more ideas. I'm still on the hunt.

1. & 2. Maya Raviv's version of Avinu Malkeinu and Shalom Aleykhem (one of my very favorite songs of all time). She has such a wonderfully full voice that keeps me calm, but energizes me as well. Watch Maya in this great clip.

3. 10,000 Maniac's Verdi Cries. That's one of my very favorites. I worry that it's too slow and that maybe I'll need more drums.

4. Tori Amos' Etienne. LOVE that song. It's gorgeous.

5. Liz Phair's Rocket Girl

6. Tori Amos' Raspberry Swirl

7. Dave Matthew's Band Lover Lay Down

8. Carebears on Fire Everybody Else

9. Tori Amos Space Dog (I'm still undecided about that one, but Tori will definitely be prominently displayed on my playlist)

10. Mattisyahu, although I can't decide which one. I'm leaning towards Jerusalem, but I'm sure I'll add more from him.

11. Vienna Teng's Soon, Love, Soon (wishful thinking)

12. Vienna Teng's Eric's Song

13. Sublime's 5446 That's My Number/Ball and Chain (yes, I'm an odd duck) Be forewarned, that's Sublime, so you must assume lyrics are NSFW

I'm hoping for some more suggestions. Don't worry if your musical tastes vary from what you see here. I'm open to all suggestions.

11:57 am EDIT: I just got this all typed out--ready to jump back in the TT game, only to find the TT link no longer works. I'll try to find out information and until then, I'll post this as is.

ANOTHER EDIT: Thursday Thirteen has moved. Get the TT code here.

I'm Taking the Jewish Literature Challenge

As if I ever needed an excuse to read. :-)

This is perfect for me. I plan on giving brief reviews of the books I read for the challenge. I'll probably read more children's books than adult, but at someone's great suggestion, I have the titles of a few books on Judaism and birth/pregnancy that I'm particularly interested in reading.

Resolutions

I swore I wasn't going to make a resolution. I hate them. I think you're setting yourself up to fail.

That being said, I recently came across the Modern Mom Challenge. I kind of tagged along to a chat and then decided to sign up. Through that chat, I got some great suggestions from some fine folks about exercise ideas. You may remember that I was quite the gym rat not too long ago. Since then, my membership lapsed and then I finally got pregnant again. The sheer exhaustion from the first trimester completely ruled out signing a contract at a new gym. Now, we want to focus our finances on preparing for the future, so my 2 hour sessions at the gym are a distant memory.

Still, nutrition is particularly important during this pregnancy. I've never exercised in my pregnancies and I've always regretted that. So this time, I've been making a point of exercising. It's only 1/2 an hour of light exercise (a far cry from my hour of cardio and hour of weights every day), but it's something and it's helping.

For a while, I fell out of the habit of exercising and my diet has not been the best since the holidays. So I want to use the challenge as my inspiration to change that.

I've been feeling so very positive lately about this birth and I need to do everything I can to make sure it's a healthy one. So I'm resolving to be better about my nutrition and certainly my exercise.

Although, I'm not abandoning my standard resolution: I resolve NOT to win the lottery. Thus far, it's been one resolution I've been able to keep year after year. :-)