Sunday, May 31, 2009

What do I do with this?

So, we have the triplet thing out there. Now what? What do I do with this? I'm not even talking about processing the whole thing emotionally. I'm talking about how I define myself now.

Am I a mom of triplets? Do I refer to myself as such? I will never know the ins and outs of daily life with triplets, so I don't feel right doing that. It's like the woman who says, "I breastfed my children and I never breastfed in public." Then you find out she breastfed 2 or 3 times in the hospital and that was the extent of her breastfeeding experience. You define your own success, but unless you live the realities of it, you don't really understand the situation.

For the same reason, I don't think it's fair to refer to myself as such. Yes, I carried triplets, but only one survived.

At the same time, I want to acknowledge the babies. This is really the only forum where I can talk about this and I want to claim them as my own. I wasn't able to give birth to them, but we created them and I carried them. I feel the need to acknowledge them.

Do I refer to myself as a MoM (mom of multiples)? I have twins who survived (B"H) and, for a brief moment, I had triplets. What notation do I include in that?

Anyone have any suggestions? I just want to find a way to acknowledge the babies without claiming to be something I'm not.


Pixie LaRouge said...

I have no words of wisdom. Let it hurt when it hurts, but don't let the hurt take away the pleasure of the darling babe. After losing the twins, I really struggled with shutting out my other children in loss and longing.

Peace and healing.

Krissy said...

When people ask if ds is my first, I always say he is the first I carried to term. Obviously the wording would be different for you. I don't really go into details with people outside my "circle", but I don't feel it's right to act as though my first child never existed because he did to me.