Wordless (day after) Wednesday: Reward

I figured out how to reward myself for hitting my first weight loss goal. My last pair of casual sneakers (as opposed to gym ones) are in shreds (literally), so I went on a hunt for new ones. I found these at Target on clearance. I paid a whopping $4.98 for them. Go me!

Wordless Wednesday

Gooooooooaaaaaaaaaaaaaal!

Today, I hit my first weight loss goal. I'm 148.8 lbs. My first goal was to be under 150 and I did it. Yay!

That meant my points were re-evaluated. I'm down to 25 points a day (I had 26). That's okay. Lately, I'm eating much less meat, so I've had an easier time staying within my points.

I still haven't gotten back on the Wii Fit (I really should, though. The last time I used it, I was pregnant and about 15 lbs heavier. I'd love to hear that little scale congratulate me for being down. Yes, I really do care what that stupid little scale says.). I haven't exercised as much as I'd like, but I've done something and my food choices have gotten better (and easier). So that's good.

My weight loss is slowing a bit, but that's to be expected. So I'm not heartbroken.

My next goal is to lose 10% of my starting body weight. That will be when I hit 136 lbs and that's only a few pounds away from my goal (I'd love to get down to 125, but I'll settle for 130. When I was at my lowest, when my twins were toddlers, I was 107 lbs. I was also in my 20s, though. I'm not as young as I was then, so I don't know if my body will let me get anywhere near there).

I'm happy. We've been able to balance eating out on occasion and still lose weight.

This week, I discovered that friends are a great resource for recipe ideas. Social networking is a huge help with that.

So, now, what on earth should I do as a reward for reaching my first goal? I have no ideas at all. I'm open to ideas, so suggest away.

Weight Loss update

Here's the latest update from this member of the GREEN TEAM (you thought I was kidding about always typing it that way, didn't you?)

Before I lose my nerve, I'm going to post my weight right off the bat. I'm 150.8. I'm down 6 lbs total so far. Yay! I'm 1 lb away from my first goal (to be under 150). I can now fit into those pajama pants, but yeah, I totally have that fuzzy stuffed sausage thing going on. Not a good look for me (or anyone for that matter). But, hey, I can get them on now. That's one step in the right direction.

This past week was not a great one for me. We had fast food for the first time since I started this. My activity was limited too. I got more low-impact exercise in (lots and lots of walking), but not nearly as much higher impact stuff. So I need to make a point to combat that.

This week, I need to stop playing Wii Sports Resort and get back into the Wii Fit. I haven't used it since I was pregnant, but I had good results in the past. I think I need to have some more Weight Watchers-friendly crock pot meals ready so that I'm not tempted to go out to eat.

Does anyone out there have any great healthy recipes they've found that they really liked? If so, please share.

I'm going green.

I am now a proud member of the Green Team as part of Blog the Weight Away. Also as part of the Green Team (which yes, I WILL always insist on writing that way) are Stacey and Ilissa (I hope I spelled that right). We've been randomly assigned to (wait for it) the super awesome wonderfully astounding Green Team.

My goal is to lose 25 lbs from where I am now. I would love to lose more, but 25 lbs will get me down to a healthy weight. I want more energy. I want to know I'm eating healthy and in reasonable portions. There are a number of diseases that run in my family and, by being overweight, I'm putting myself at a greater risk. I want to know I'm doing everything I can to keep myself healthy. I want to set a good example for my children.

One of my big goals is to donate these damn maternity pants. I would love to fit back into "real" pants so I could get rid of the last of my maternity stuff. Plus, my mother bought me super soft pajama pants for Chanukah, but she, living far away, not seeing me and not realizing I've gotten fat, bought me a size small. I was going to return them, resigned to the fact I would never be a small again, but then I signed up for Blog the Weight Away and now I'm keeping them with plans of losing enough weight to fit into them (comfortably. I don't want to look like a bright pink striped sausage in them). Of course, this might be easier if my mother would stop sending bags and bags of baked good mixes, but that's another post for another day (Holy mixed messages, Batman!).

I have never, in my life, done this, but I am going to be truly accountable and post my weight. Please keep in mind that I am super tiny. I know many normal-sized people would love to be my weight and would be within a healthy BMI at where I am. For Keebler elf-sized folks like myself, though, this weight is super unhealthy.

My starting weight from 1/3 was 157 lbs. This past Monday 1/11, I was 152.8. I cannot believe I just told you people that. My husband doesn't even know what I weigh. The only person I ever told what I weighed was my midwife (and even then, reluctantly so) and that's only when I was pregnant and expected to gain weight (FTR, I was 161 lbs when I delivered the first two times and I was only 9 lbs higher than my starting weight when my youngest was born. She weighed over 8 lbs).

I'm trying to find a before picture, but, as you know, I like anonymity and don't show my face on here. So I may need to work my magic with that.

ETA: Here you go. Here's my "Before" shot. I didn't even need to slap anything over my face (I was going to use a Kermit face--get it? GREEN) I cannot believe I'm sharing this with you. I detest this photo of me.

WW Comeback World Tour 2010

So, I finished week 1 of my WW Comeback World Tour 2010 (it's more exciting if I give it a cool title. It's even more exciting if I insist on saying it in that deep "Sunday! Sunday! Sunday!" Monster truck voice).

Not bad. In some ways, it's more difficult with 4 kids (I have to rely on the online version since I just can't fit meetings in sans kids). The most noticeable is that fast food is no longer an option if we're out and about. In some ways, it's easier (not as much time to eat).

The news, however, is very good. There is slightly less of my fat ass. My eligibility window to apply for the role of Super Fat Ass is closing. There are four pounds less of me than there were this time last week. When I added that to my weight tracker, I found I'm just under 3 lbs away from my first goal. Yay!

Here's hoping I continue to rock on with my bad-ass self.

This Little Piggy Went to Weight Watchers.

I sucked it up and joined WW online. *exhales* Well, here we go. Now there's no turning back. And hey, I lost .2 lbs from yesterday. .2 lb loss? Hey, I'll take it!

Bulking up to what? Fat ass? Super fat ass?

Forgive me for the title. It's a South Park reference. It's a line that, for some reason, has stuck with me for years and I find a way to work into many conversations. Yeah, I'm weird. I know. And unless you're new around here, you should know that too. If you are new. Hi. Welcome. Pull up a seat and stare at the fat ass.

I saw pictures of myself from this weekend. I. am. fat. I don't fit into any of my clothes. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I feel. I went from being a gym rat who was in the best shape of her life to this. I am not pleased.

I ate well in my pregnancy and exercised. I didn't exercise as much as I would have liked (we let my gym membership lapse to save money), but I exercised more than I did in any other pregnancy (the yoga positions helped quite a bit with pregnancy pains). Our first real meal after TheBaby was born was pizza (I was so thrilled to have white carbs). It's all been down hill since then.

I don't know how much I'll be able to exercise in the winter with 4 kids, but I'm going to figure something out. I think I'm going to bust out the Wii Fit again and maybe my Pilates DVD's. Great blog reviews leave me wondering about EA Sports. I want to sign my fat ass up for Weight Watchers again. I've had good luck with WW in the past. I've never done it exclusively online which is what I'll have to do. I don't have time (or child care) to go to meetings.

So, there, I've said it and I've done so in a public forum. (stands up, looks around sheepishly) Hi, my name is Reiza and I'm a fat ass.

I need to lose 30 lbs (50 lbs ideally). I would love for my first goal to be to get me out of my damn maternity pants by February. Well, I mean I want to fit into something smaller than my strechy-waist-designed-for-having-another-person-inside-you pants (GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER), not that I want to run around sans pants.

Resolutions

I swore I wasn't going to make a resolution. I hate them. I think you're setting yourself up to fail.

That being said, I recently came across the Modern Mom Challenge. I kind of tagged along to a chat and then decided to sign up. Through that chat, I got some great suggestions from some fine folks about exercise ideas. You may remember that I was quite the gym rat not too long ago. Since then, my membership lapsed and then I finally got pregnant again. The sheer exhaustion from the first trimester completely ruled out signing a contract at a new gym. Now, we want to focus our finances on preparing for the future, so my 2 hour sessions at the gym are a distant memory.

Still, nutrition is particularly important during this pregnancy. I've never exercised in my pregnancies and I've always regretted that. So this time, I've been making a point of exercising. It's only 1/2 an hour of light exercise (a far cry from my hour of cardio and hour of weights every day), but it's something and it's helping.

For a while, I fell out of the habit of exercising and my diet has not been the best since the holidays. So I want to use the challenge as my inspiration to change that.

I've been feeling so very positive lately about this birth and I need to do everything I can to make sure it's a healthy one. So I'm resolving to be better about my nutrition and certainly my exercise.

Although, I'm not abandoning my standard resolution: I resolve NOT to win the lottery. Thus far, it's been one resolution I've been able to keep year after year. :-)

Too pissed off and exhausted to think of a clever title.

This fucking sucks! I'm so fed up and so exhausted.

The big kids aren't sleeping well. They wake up for random reasons at insane hours (2 am on Sunday-Monday night, 4 am for the past 2 nights) and they're up for good by 6 at the latest. Once they're up the first time, I have a very difficult time falling back to sleep. Even when they do, I can't. I'm fucking exhausted.

Today was fucking nuts. I had way too much shit to do and bunches of stuff went wrong. The boy just went down for a nap 20 minutes ago. I need to get him up right about now 'cause we have got to go out. When left on his own lately, he's been napping for 4-5 hours I know he needs more sleep and he's not getting it. I have to keep cutting his naps short. Shit! We ALL fucking need more sleep and we're not getting it. I'm just so fucking tired of this shit.

I wanted to ask dh to call in yesterday, but I didn't 'cause I knew he wouldn't and honestly, I couldn't stand it if I specifically asked and he didn't even consider it. So I said something along the lines of, "I wish you could stay home." HE FUCKING IGNORED ME.

Yeah and the same shit continues. Nothing I say/do makes any difference. Lots more I want to say here, but I think he might still occasionally read this and I just don't want to get into some stuff.

I'm feeling horribly unattractive, unappreciated, over-extended, burnt out and just fucking exhausted.

I tried to figure out what it is that I need to feel better today. What I want is some damn attention. I want SOMEONE to acknowledge at least a portion of what I do. And no, I'm not fishing for compliments from you people. I want someone, but I also NEED dh to acknowledge me. I would damn near kill for flowers, a card, a sweet word or a stupid trinket--anything of the sort, but it doesn't happen. The only thing he has given me is Starbucks and that was once. While I appreciate it, that's not exactly what I'm looking for right now.

I feel like I'm getting depressed. I know part of it is that I haven't had enough sleep, but damn it, some of this shit has been going on for a long time. And I don't really fucking care about the reason right now. All I care about is that I'm sitting here crying and miserable.

AHHHHHHH. There's so much I want to write, but I'm already late picking up the girls. I haven't even woken The Boy up yet. I just want to go to bed. I'm seriously considering just getting a damn hotel room, taking an Ambien, and getting some glorious uninterrupted sleep. Problem is, when dh is off, I want to be with him. When he has to work, there's no fucking way he'll take any time off so I could do that. I've considered just taking off in the night and not coming back until later the next day. I kinda wonder, though, if he'd even notice or if he would just assume I was in one of the kids' rooms and head to work leaving the kids alone. I can't take that risk. And besides, honestly, I don't think I can do that to him. Sucks since I can't say the same of him towards me.

And now I'm off to run out the door to be late for yet another fucking thing today.

SON OF A BITCH!

"I want to be cool, tall, vulnerable and luscious.I would have it all if I only had this much."

Short version of the long story:

See the title.

The last compliment I got from my husband was in September of '04.

I feel unattractive and unappreciated.

No amount of trying to rationally discuss it, working out, crying over it, or trying to avoid it all together seems to make a difference.

I've got nothing else in my bag of tricks. I have no idea what else to do. I'm really upset and that doesn't seem to matter.

I've got nothing more for ya. I've been avoiding blogging about it at all. I really don't know what to say other than, this sucks and I sure as hell hope something changes soon. While I'm hoping, I'm not betting on it.

On super powers

Shhhh. I possess super powers. It's a secret. Don't tell my husband.

I can make stuff disappear.

By "stuff," I mean yummy chocolaty cookies with creamy filling and by "disappear," I mean "eat them."

Willpower is NOT, however, one of my super powers. So I don't like having junk food in the house. Dh, however, enjoys the goodness found in Oreos. On occasion, he'll buy a pack. He thinks he's clever. He puts them up on the top shelf. I'm short, so I can't reach that shelf.

NEWS FLASH: I possess the amazing ability to climb.

And the cape goes to...

My niece. She is my new hero. Want to know why? Because she has lost 117 lbs since May.

Once I pick my jaw up off the floor, I will be applauding loudly.