Oh Shit! I'm Becoming My Mother.

My mother is very superstitious. She carries all her own old ethnic superstitions as well as others she's collected over the years. I can get behind one or two of them, but most of them just have me shaking my head and moving right along.

So, yesterday, when I noticed someone left the baby's shoes on the table (a HUGE bearer of bad luck according to my mother), I snatched them off and said, "That's bad luck." Wait. What? Who said that?

Girl2 turned to me and said, "You do you realize you sound just like your mother, right?"

Just you wait, child. Just you wait!

Sometimes, Kids Say Logical (and Hysterical) Things.

The other day, we saw our small black dog sporting a bandanna. After a discussion with Dh, we realized the kids were responsible. When we asked them why, Girl1 replied,

"Because he stayed still long enough for us to do it."

What Motivates You?

At Hebrew school, my daughters' class was asked, "Why are you here? What motivates you to come to Hebrew school?"

One girl said, "So my parents can go on dates while I'm here for 2 hours."

Another said, "So my mom can clean without us in her way."

My daughters both said, "So we can teach our parents because they've forgotten all the Hebrew they ever learned."

At the end of class they added, "And so we can read Torah."

Nice save, kids. And hey, thanks for not throwing us under the bus like your friends did with their parents.

Jokes From My Son

My son has taken to telling me jokes. Here are two he shared this weekend.

First, a bit of background. My daughters love that stupid, "Why did the lady throw the butter/clock out the window" joke.

My son asked, "Why did the man stand under the window when the lady was throwing butter out?" The answer was, "Because he was hungry."

TheBoy also asked, "Why did the man get in his car and drive away from the house where the old lady was throwing butter out the window?" The answer, of course, was, "Because he wanted to get far away from the crazy lady throwing things out the window."

How TheBoy Became My Favorite

Today, dh joked with TheBoy about his hair.

"You look like Spock," dh told TheBoy.
"No I don't," he shot back.
I told TheBoy, "You're gorgeous. Tell Daddy, 'I'm gorgeous.' Go on. Tell him."
My son then announced, "Mommy's gorgeous."

My dear sweet son

Today, the kids played hospital with some friends. The bigger kids took off when it was TheBoy's turn to play surgeon. So, I opted to be his patient. I told him I thought my leg was broken. Without even looking at it, he declared that was not the case. So I asked him what I should do. He replied,

"Get in your car and drive home. It's not broken."

Oh how I love that kid.

On a lighter note.

The other day, I heard proof that my middle daughter really is mine.

The three oldest were playing an aleph bet match card game. Little brother insisted on turning over all the cards to see where the letters were. This compelled his sister to tell him, "Stop that. That defeats the purpose of the game."

Oh yeah! She's mine.

Out of the mouths of babes... come the words of their parents.

The dictionary of a 3-year-old

My son has given me his own definition for the word "Dizzy." I find it brilliant and funny. You may not agree, but it's my blog, so :-p to you.


Dizzy:
diz-zy [diz-ee]
-adjective
"I spin and spin and spin and then I stop and the room keeps spinning."

Is this anything like the song about the rollerskates and key?

This evening, my husband was trying to sip hot coffee while the children tried desperately to make that not only impossible, but dangerous.

I heard dh say this to Girl2,
"I have a cup of coffee and you have a wand. Do I really want your wand waved over my coffee? NO."

I'm going to be humming, "I've got a hot cup of coffee. You have a wand," to the tune of "Brand New Key."


I apologize, but now I have this stuck in my head and therefore, I must share it with you:

My son always keeps me laughing.

Today, the big kids and I had a discussion about something or other. Girl1 asked if something was possible. I said, "I guess it is in theory." The kids then asked me to define, "In theory," and I did.

TheBoy, however, piped up with, "We live in this state (insert name of state which is particularly funny when said by a 3-year-old). We don't live in theory. We live here in this state."

Later in the day, he came to me with a broken finger nail along with the nail clippers and he asked me to take care of it. When asked, "How did you break it," he replied, "In half."

Oh, I do so love my kids.

Monsters peeing on cheese

Tonight, before bed, my son confessed to my husband that he had a nightmare about a monster peeing on cheese.

I have no clue how to interpret that other than the fact that it's pretty damn funny!

Kids say the darnest things: Questioning Existence

After my shower, TheBoy came over to kiss the baby (aka my stomach). It was very cute. Then he noticed I was topless and asked, "Is da baby in your nipple?" I assured him that the baby was not, but I pointed out that the baby would nurse from my nipple. He added, "When da baby is born."

This conversation followed:

Me: Yes. You nursed when you were a baby and your sisters did when they were babies. This baby will too.
TheBoy: I not born anymore.
Me: Yes you are. Once you're born, you can't go back.
TheBoy: I not a baby anymore.
Me: No, you're a big kid.
TheBoy(proudly): I'm a big kid.
Me: Yep.
TheBoy: I don't exist?

At this point, I asked him three times to repeat himself to make sure I heard him correctly. I had. I assured him that he does, in fact, exist.

Again, this child is 3. What in the hell am I going to do with him in 10 years?

Kids Say: Light vs. White

This weekend, we took advantage of some gorgeous weather by taking the children to a park. It's near the water where there is a light house. The big kids remembered being there in the past when we walked to the light house and asked to do so again. TheBoy got very excited by this, but we couldn't figure why. Then he became his usual verbose self and it all made sense.

TheBoy (very excited): Light house? Yeah, go to white house. I want to go see white house. We can all go. Is Obama there? We can see Obama at the white house. I want to talk to him.

The child is 3.

Let My People Go (out to eat).

On Monday, the kids and I reviewed some things on Martin Luther King Jr. They did print outs, a word search and some coloring sheets plus we talked quite a bit about the marches and the significance of our newest president.

Later that day, I caught all three of the kids marching around the house chanting, "Let my people go.". When I asked them what they were doing, Girl2 said, "I'm marching like people did with Martin Luther King Jr." TheBoy then chimed in, "I'm marching for grapes." Girl1 added, "We're Obama's kids." (they are absolutely fascinated by the fact that Sasha Obama is their age). To which her brother added, "I'm Obama's kid with a banana."

During the inauguration, chants of, "Yes we did," could be heard (yes, I admit, they were coming from my mouth). To which, my son added, "Yes we did--get ice cream."

Some of us are struck by the historical significance of the day and the eloquent words and actions of MLK. Apparently, some of us just want a snack.

I love my kids and the things they say.

Dh just sent the kids to brush teeth. When he turned around, Girl2 was still sitting on the couch. He asked why she was sitting there in the same room and her response had me absolutely rolling.

"Because the couch exists and so does the playroom."

These are SO my children.

"Happy Holidays" is not an insult.

Great post over here at ZenMom. I have yet to hear a single, "Happy Holidays." It's always, "Merry Christmas" in my part of the world. I haven't been up to responding with, "Happy Holidays," because I know it will set someone off.

My kids get it, why can't adults? Last year, when some random person wished us, "Merry Christmas," I just smiled and nodded and said, "Same to you." The big kids then hissed at me, "But we don't celebrate Christmas. Why did he assume we did? He shouldn't say that if he doesn't know. We don't go around saying, 'Happy Chanukah,' to people if we don't know if they're Jewish." I had no answer for them because they were absolutely right.

Saying, "Happy Holidays," is NOT an attack on any one's holiday. It's an attempt to show respect for all people and all holidays.

And now I'm ranting. Forgive me. I don't want to raise my blood pressure. I just want to share the link.

Gift-giving in its most adorable form

Congratulate me. I'm going to be a grandmother. Pitty me, my grandchild is being carried by my 3-year-old son and will be named Elephant Stripey Hotdog.

Oh the gift-giving joy!

Today, we continued in our tradition and picked gifts at the Dollar Tree for dh and TheBoy. This year, TheBoy made his debut with our gift-giving group and tagged along. As usual, the gifts (and the reasoning behind them) were adorable.

Girl1 got her father an air freshener. Because things should always smell nice. It's shaped like a heart because she loves him and that way, when he sees it, he will remember she loves him.

Girl2 got him pens. That's perhaps, the most useful gift of all. He uses them all the time. Her thought was that when he uses them, he will think of her.

TheBoy got him one of those things that hooks on the end of the toothpaste and rolls up. That was my doing. Dh said just the other day that he wanted, so when I saw them, I opted to just pick the gift out for him. This is after a long list of items which TheBoy insisted would be perfect for Daddy. When I pointed out, "But Daddy doesn't need that or want that," TheBoy shot back with, "I do." So I let him pick the color of the toothpaste tchotchke. The options were blue, green or pink. TheBoy opted for pink. He said, "Daddy likes pink." I pointed out, "No he doesn't." To which TheBoy replied, "But I do."

The big kids also got a pack of planet wall stickers for their brother who repaid the favor by getting two packs of butterfly wall stickers for them.

Oh and when we hit the dollar aisle at Target yesterday, Girl1 found one remaining Hello Kitty multi-color pen. My kids LOVE those different color pens, but they go through them like crazy and they're not always available in the dollar sections. So Girl1 used her tooth fairy money (she lost tooth #8 last week) to buy it for her sister.

TheBoy got a Chanukah shirt for his stuffed Elephant. What did he opt to name this stuffed elephant? Why, of course the Chanukah Elephant is now named Pass Gas courtesy of the 3-year-old. Oy vey! TheBoy told Pass Gass, "Me is preg-ant. My baby kicking. Look." TheBoy then sucked his stomach in and puffed it out while he held his elephant's hand to his stomach. When I asked what the baby's name would be, TheBoy said, "Elephant Stripey Hotdog."

Kids (who are not mine) say...

A friend relayed this story and I had to share. He went to his daughters' classrooms yesterday to talk to the kids about Chanukah. Yes, when you're the lone Jew in any area, you tend to become the token Jew in the classroom. Luckily, this guy is great with kids--not the most observant Jew by any stretch of the imagination (his older daughter was the one who was baffled by kashering), but informed and wonderful with kids.

So he briefly explained the story of the Macabees and at the end, he asked his youngest daughter's first grade class if there were any questions.

One boy raised his hand and asked, "Did dinosaurs and cavemen live at the same time?"

The best question, though, was from the very first boy who raised his hand. He asked, "How expensive was your watch?"

After I cracked up, my friend then added, "Next time, I'm going to be a little more specific when I ask if anyone has any questions."

Kids say...

Actual conversation I just had with my son.

TheBoy (in a sad voice): Daddy yelled at me. Don't wanna go to bed.
Me: Well, if you're a big kid, then you'll go to bed. It's bedtime and the big kids are all in bed. Are your sisters in bed?
TheBoy (mournfully): Yes.
Me: They're big kids. They're in bed. If you want to be treated like a big kid, you need to go to bed. It's your choice. You can go to bed or you can yell and scream.
TheBoy: Going to yell and scream.

It's a bird. It's a plane. It's my family.

In my family, there's a big love of super heroes. My husband loves them. My brother loves them. My children love them.

So I shouldn't have been surprised when my children related to current events via the Superman films.

Much fuss was made over CNN's recent use of holograms during the election coverage. This lead the bigger kids to ask, "What are holograms?" Dh and I explained that it's when it appears that someone is in one place, but they're really in another.

To which Girl2 replied, "Oh, like the bad guys who really weren't in jail in Superman 2."

Yes, exactly like that.