Friday, July 07, 2006

Shove it up your...


Add shoving rocks up noses to my kids' long list of talents.

That's it. I'm moving. I'm taking my kids and moving to the hospital. That way, the next time we need the ER, we'll be right there.

Yet another ER visit. Do ERs have frequent flyer miles? If so, I need to sign my ass up.

Hey, at least it's July now. Since our last ER visit was in June, that means I can't say, "Two visits in one month." Thank G-d for small miracles.

Way too early this morning, the girls played with rocks. I told them repeatedly to keep them away from their mouths (Remember, the DVD box incident? Girl2 has some serious oral issues). I had visions of them choking, so I told them at least four times to keep them away from their mouths.

Wait for it...

I was just getting out of bed with he who refuses to let me sleep-in (aka the Boy) when I heard Girl2 scream. She yelled that her nose hurt. Now she's a dramatic one, so I wasn't worried. It was only when I stood in front of her that it hit me. My life has turned into a freaking Home Movies episode. Yep, she shoved the rock up her nose and got it firmly wedged there.

A call to a friend lead to an attempt with tweezers, but Girl2 wouldn't let me anywhere near her with them. And so we headed out to the yellow brick road that leads to the happy shining ER (there's no place like the Emergency Room. There's no place like the Emergency Room). Luckily they were empty (it feels wrong to refer to the ER as "dead"), so we got in quickly.

I'm not sure why they thought Girl2 would let them come at her with the nostril forcepts of death and giant pinchy-looking metal tweezers (forgive me if my technical jargon leaves you confused) when she wouldn't let her own mother near her with the tiny benign variety. Their delusion didn't get very far before she pushed them away from her face (in her defense, she did really well). So off skipped the nurse in search of a tube. Moments later, off skipped the doctor, but we know not where. The nurse was surprised when she came back and the doctor was gone. She played super sleuth, though, and found him.

They squirted some saline and used the tubes to create suction on the offensive remnant of stone. Then they yanked it out. Where did it go? It flew across the room. Where did it land?

Wait for it.

On the twin sister.

At this point, the doctor said, "That's not good. That could have hit her in the eye." Apparently ours was the first time that happened. Oh joy! We're a novelty. What fun! Giddy me is clapping her hands together in delight.

Oh and it was right about here where The Boy (who was in the sling while I stood at Girl2's side) grabbed a hold of the little light thingy's cord and wouldn't let go. The doctor couldn't put it back as a result. I couldn't make the kid let go 'cause Girl2 was holding firmly to one hand which left me only a single hand with which to wrestle with He of the Super Grip.

Check, please. I'm done.

We were in and out pretty quickly and the kids were wonderful.

And hey, we have a brand new slogan for our family:

We shove more things up our noses before 9 am than most people do all day.


Pixie LaRouge said...

In my defense, I DID try not to laugh when you told me. My second instinct was to cry for you. What the HECK is wrong with that child? Girl2 is gorgeous, talented, intelligent, and can, in fact, show more ability to drive a parent nuts than any six other kids PUT TOGETHER! And it will be a REALLY funny story to tell on her at prom...

ps the word verification made me giggle: dtdsome

Kamrin said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Been there!!!!!We know some of the staff so well that when they see us put, they ask the kids how thier injury is doing. Sigh.

SLYM said... ...laugh!!!!! SOrry that is FUNNY and you now have permission and all rights to laugh at me when my kids shove things up their noses.

Julie@Momspective said...

I guess I should just be grateful mine is eating rocks and not shoving them anywhere! WOO!