Sunday, July 30, 2006

I lie awake every night. Thinking about you, I fantasize.

Title from Liz Phair's Fantasize.

No, not THAT kind. Although, I suppose they could turn into THAT kind of fantasies if I let them play long enough.

Yesterday at the gym, I tried to figure a way to help get me through my time on the treadmill. I decided to roll with a fantasy I always have whenever dh is gone for a long period of time. You see, I'm resourceful. I also know how to play the media game to my advantage. So I've always wondered what would happen if I could somehow get a pass (lately, I'm thinking as a journalist) and get my butt to dh. Although suddenly I find myself not wanting to give up the fantasy. I'm a Pisces, it's not unusual for me to get lost while I wander through my daydreams. I realize, though, that this one has the potential to be crushing. Dh isn't due home for about another 4 months. I don't want to wind up living in that fantasy full-time until then. It makes functioning in everyday life kind of difficult.

Let's not forget the emotional swings that come along with this. I can be giddy, excited and in dh's arms while I fantasize only to have to snap back to the harsh reality of no dh, screaming girls and The Boy splashing in the cat's water dish.

I'm missing dh something awful lately and I have yet to decide if wading through my fantasies is helping or hurting.

1 comment:

Pixie LaRouge said...

I hate this for you. I really, really, REALLY do hate this for you. Obviously, I worry about the BIL. Obviously I hope he's okay. But most of my worry, most of my prayers, most of the caring I have goes to you for strength, hope and love until he returns. I don't know how you do it with such grace.