AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I'm pissed right now and I can't quite explain it. But you know what? I'm gonna try. This isn't for your benefit. It's more for mine. Although, please feel free to come along for the walk down WTF Lane.

While trying to get laundry washed and folded, my sister called. She's 9 months pregnant and her husband is being a pest. After I got off the phone with her, I called dh to rant about my BIL (Dude, she could have YOUR baby at any time. STFU and inflate the damn birth pool).

When I called, Dh was out with a bunch of people. I don't want to fault him for having a good time while he can, but DAMN IT, I'm jealous. I know I can kick into bitch mode pretty easily over stupid shit, so I tried to keep myself in check. When I had the chance to go away with friends, I went out and had fun too (although the only time I did that post kids was for a work function 3 years ago. Granted, it was with Kamrin, so it was cool as hell, but still, it was THREE YEARS AGO and it was for 2 days, not 20-some-odd days). Still, that's not dh's fault.

It is, however, his fault that he has had NINE FUCKING DRINKS. Dh very very VERY rarely drinks. He used to drink back in the day, but he hasn't had more than a few in about a decade. So this pisses me off on so many levels.

I was shaking when I got off the phone with him.

I don't know which part of the whole ordeal pisses me off the most.

#1. He had NINE FUCKING DRINKS when he hasn't had more than a few in ages. I don't mind drinking. Hell, I drink far more than he does. I'm mad that he had so many drinks all of a sudden. He's out of practice.

#2. He's doing this when I'm not around.
#2a. I'm not there. I know full-well that I don't need to be on patrol. He's a good guy. I don't have to worry about what he's gonna do, but still, I wanna be there anyway just 'cause I'm like that.
#2b. I'm not there. He even made the comment, "I'll do this now when I can and then I'll be back to my normal self when I come home." Why the hell does he have to be the straight-laced guy at home? Why can't we ever have a few drinks together when he's here?

#3. I'm stuck here trying to get all this house cleaning done, I haven't eaten dinner or lunch today because the kids didn't give me a chance, I'm trying to keep these kids alive, I'm scared about why MY FUCKING FACE, ARM, and TONGUE ARE NUMB and he's out drinking. WTF?

Let's review some important points: I have to wait 3 weeks for my appointment with a neurologist (which dh will NOT be here for). For those who don't know, we lost one of my brothers to brain cancer 5 years ago. No, I'm not trying to be dramatic. I don't think I have cancer. I am, however, TERRIFIED of WTF is going on. My body is out of control. My brain is doing strange things. I'm scared. And yes, I have explained that to dh. Until a few minutes ago (when I called my sister to rant), dh was the only person I told about how this scares me.

And my husband is out having 9 drinks.

WHAT THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK IS GOING ON?

You know what? I hope he wakes up with one hell of a hangover tomorrow and hopefully, when he does, he'll find some damn sense (hidden somewhere amid one bitch of a migraine).