There's beauty in the breakdown.

Title from Frou Frou's "Let Go" on the Garden State soundtrack.

This evening was actually lovely. The kids were wonderfully behaved. We went to the movie for library night. I still had the blanket from the 4th of July in the van, so we were able to spread that out and lay down. The Boy not only let us watch, but was in fine form. He laughed and smiled through the whole thing.

We saw Brother Bear which wasn't a top pick for me, but it's what they were showing. It wasn't awful. At one point, there's a song and dance about family. I had the girls snuggling against me and The Boy happily babbling away in front of me. Girl2 kept coming over to give him hugs and kisses and she didn't complain when he yanked at her hair.

Then we got in the van, started driving, and I broke down. I'm talking tears streaming down my face blubbering like an idiot break down.

You see, last night, I couldn't sleep and started thinking about dh. I realized I miss being touched and held. I miss his hands. I miss his arms. I've said for years that my favorite place in the world to be is in his arms. I miss that like crazy.

Then on the way home, I just got to thinking about it all. I think I've done a pretty good job of keeping life moving along in his absence. This deployment definitely seems easier to me than any of the ones in the past. Although, this evening, the gaping emptiness where he once was just snuck up on me and punched me in the face.

I so wished I could call him just to tell him through my tears, "I miss you, Babe."