Wednesday, February 07, 2007

It's been one of those days all week.

I'm just in a mood today.

I'm dealing with my own issues and now lots of drama has risen up around me. I soak up other people's emotions. That combined with the fact that I'm usually willing to put myself out there and a career where it's my job to listen to people's problems makes for lots of stress. When people around me are mad/sad/stressed, I tend to pick that up in spades. Lately, everyone wants to whine to me about their situation. It doesn't seem that they want solutions. Apparently, they just want to heap their drama on top of my overflowing cup and I really can't take too much more of it. I just want to shake them all and yell, "DEAL WITH IT!" I'm more than willing to help you try to find the solution that works best for you, but I'm not in a position to take on more stress.

Couldn't sleep last night. Too much running around in my head. Then Girl1 woke up sick. So she came to bed with us. Then I REALLY didn't sleep.

That kid spent her first 8 months beside me in bed. Her sister spent her first 15 months in bed with us. So why is it that now I can't sleep at all with just one of them in bed with me?

I got maybe 2 hours of sleep last night--not consecutive. Then I had a meeting this morning. We were locked out of the building in the cold for a while. Not fun. Had to coordinate schedules so dh could get home to watch the sick one. Then I didn't have time after the meeting to go to lunch.

I got to see a good friend today who I never get to see any more. She purposely came today and announced to the group that she's pregnant (I already knew, but shhhh, it was a secret). I really wanted to go to lunch with her and do some catching up, but t'was not to be. Dh needed to get back to the office, so I had to come right home. I LOVE lunch after meetings. I hate missing that.

Add to this all that it appears dh is showing symptoms of PTSD again. It's delayed, so I really wasn't expecting it, but I've had a really difficult time with this situation lately and he just shuts down. He ignores me completely. Time to make another appointment with the therapist (strange coincidence, I found out that another military wife friend with whom I have WAY too much in common also sees the same therapist). Not sure what good it'll do since it'll only be for me and the kids have to come with me, but I need to do SOMETHING to prevent myself from climbing out of my own skin.

I realize that none of this is the end of the world, but I'm just kind of fed up lately. It's not any one or anything inparticular. It's just all of it rolled into one big stinking screaming ball of suckage.

I'm just annoyed at the world right now.

"I can't stand my life. I can't stand myself. I can't stand in these six inch heels anymore."

Well, maybe not exactly, but I thought it was appropriate for this moment in time. I'm in a mood. Come back tomorrow when I'll be more entertaining, I promise. I'll tell you how this little Jew now has a gallon of wine intended for mass given to her by a former nun. Good times, I tell ya. Much better than this shit!


Irim said...

*Big hug*, hon. I completely identify with the "emotional sponge" and friends who don't really want solutions and just need to be shaken.

As for dh, I am *so* sorry. I can't pretend to know what it's like, and I can't imagine how much harder it is b/c you thought you were in the clear. You and yours are in my prayers...hope Girl1 feels better soon too, and that you get to catch up with your friend.

And hey, with all that going on, you're doing damn well - better than most of the rest of us.

Take care, and if it'll give you even a quick smile, I answered your Bollywood question on my blog last week, and I've got a "Savage Chickens" link up.

Hang in there, hon. You've got a huge cheering section out here. Lean on us - that's what we're here for.


Giselle said...

Oh, man! Good red wine. Drink my share, please.

I'm sorry if my email the other day added stuff to your stress level.

kablina said...

Ah, the ebb and flow--just when you think you've got it under control, and all sorted, something changes. It feels like an earthquake and you have to hold on tight. And yet, relax so you don't make yourself sick.

Hope you're feeling better today (Thursday). Definitely take advantage of all the help you have available--i.e., therapist. Every little bit helps.

Lots of love to you.