Lots of stuff has happened. I'll write more on it tomorrow, but for today, I wanted to recap my last therapist session. "Last," not only as in "previous," but also as in "final." She told me today she doesn't want to see me again. I don't need to. She says I'm more than fine. She actually said, "You're amazing."
I got there a little late (more on that in another post) and of course, this is the one time she wasn't running late. We discussed some stuff from last time and some stuff that has happened with dh. She acknowledged that dh really is making an effort and she pointed out several times how much better things are. She reminded me of what I need to do. We talked a bit about other issues. She says they'll always be issues and they'll always affect me, but if I can recognize that and move on, I'll be fine. She pointed out that I've been doing exactly that on my own for years. I raised my issues with the kids. I'm not being the type of parent I want to be. I filled out a survey recently that asked if you'd make a good mother. My honest answer was that I'm not nearly as good as I thought I'd be. She really didn't give me too many tools to deal with that, but she reminded me that my kids are right on track and advanced developmentally (they came with me last week) and in a sense, she gave me permission to stand back when they need it and change plans when the need arises. She also pointed out some things she was impressed about that the kids did/didn't do.
At the end of the session (which ended early), she said I'm doing great. She said she definitely sees me going back to school in the future (I want my PhD) because I am so research-oriented. She said that serves me well. She said she definitely sees dh and me working through this, although she pointed out we may have more to deal with when he comes home. That's no surprise. I have 3 sessions left that my insurance will cover and she suggests saving them for sessions together once he comes home. I mentioned some of my volunteer work and she was impressed that I do a lot. All I kept thinking about that was, "My friends do three times what I do." She said I seem very competent and as though I can handle things that are thrown at me. Then she seriously said, "You're amazing." Woah! If I didn't have to pick my jaw up off the floor, I would have been happy dancing like crazy. It is, however, physically impossible to happy dance while your jaw is on the floor.
So today was a fabulous day. Lots more happened. Some of it is good, some really good, some scary. I'll write more later. But I'm very grateful for the propping up. I'm the type who didn't get much praise and still doesn't and so I'm thrilled to get it from everywhere and anywhere. Yes, I am a praise whore and I'm not afraid to admit it. :-)