Now for the more positive aspects of my life. I read an article yesterday about how you need to focus on the positive in order to lead a happier life and overcome your fears.
That article started with the story of a woman who is absolutely terrified to speak in public. Upon reading that, I thought to myself, "I must be pretty amazing in that regard." I'm an odd mix. "Secretly I'm timid." There are times I don't want to go into a different situation or meet new people. I have this intense desire to be outgoing, but often times I'm just too timid to do it. Although, when it comes to speaking in public, I'm in my element. When I was in school, I was always the one who volunteered to go first for oral reports. I would live on stage if I could. Sure I get nervous, but I'm very comfortable speaking in public and in all honesty, I do so love to be the center of attention. :-)
I know that comfort is rare. My father is the friendliest person I know. There are no strangers to him, only friends he has yet to meet. A walk around the block with him takes two hours because he must stop and talk to everyone along the way. Yet my father refused to give speeches at my wedding or any of my siblings'. My mother tried to force him to make a speech at my sweet 16 party (yes, I'm one of those people) and he absolutely could not do it. He got the microphone in his hand, he stuttered, he turned red, and he handed the microphone off saying he just couldn't do it.
So, hey, I think it's pretty cool that I can do that with ease and I think in turn, I'm pretty cool. :-)
Another thing the article focused on was positive spin. Instead of saying, "I can't do XYZ," point out what you can do.
I tried looking at my body in that regard. There are lots of things I still can't wear. I don't know if I'll ever get back into my size 2 jeans, but when dh left, I was in a 10. Now I'm in some 8s, but mainly 6s. Before you rant about how that's so tiny, please remember I'm very short and I'm still 20 lbs over where I should be. I don't want to be model-thin. I just want to be healthy and I'm not at a healthy weight yet.
Some parts of my body may still be way too big for my liking, but I discovered recently that all my working out has given me back my calves. I've always been immensely proud of my calves. I was a dancer and had the calves to prove it. I didn't realize I lost them until I saw a recent picture my sister took. And there, low and behold, were those calves I do so adore. They're back. Woo hoo! I realize that picture looks awkward. I was sitting down with one out and one bent. Plus all identifying features have been cropped out, so it looks particularly strange. Sorry about that. Ignore the oddity of it and just celebrate the calves. :-)
I just recently changed my routine around a little. So I'll wait and see if that makes a difference. Until then, I'll be happy that I can now do 40 minutes on the elliptical machines. I've been doing an hour of cardio (instead of the suggested half hour) for the past few weeks. I usually do most of it on the bike and some on the elliptical. I realized I burn nearly twice as many calories on the elliptical, though, so this week, I did 40 minutes on that a few times. My first day at the gym, I thought I was going to die after 3 minutes on that machine. I didn't set foot on it again for weeks after that. I can now up the incline all the way and turn the intensity all the way up for 40 minutes.
I'm trying to keep my attention on what I can do now. I'm trying to focus my energy on working to do more rather than wallowing in the negative.
Now pardon me while I take a break from that to make a confession. My name is Reiza-Mara and I have a crush. I've never been one to fall for celebrities. When all my friends were absolutely in love with Patrick Swayze during the days of Dirty Dancing, I very much was not. I was the ONLY female in my class (teachers included) who was not gushing over him. It's very rare when I "fall" for a celebrity. So this is a big deal.
I have two new secret crushes. One is Gideon Yago. That's not so new. I've always been impressed by his work, but I only recently learned that #1. He's Jewish and #2. He has done far more than I ever realized. He actually spoke here a few months ago, but I wasn't able to go since I had nowhere to leave the kids. Everything about him plus the new-found facial hair has turned him into prime crush material.
This next one really is a secret. I haven't told anyone about this at all. My other secret crush is Evangeline Lilly. Watching her on Ellen, I was impressed with how cute, sweet, and down to earth she seemed. Lost doesn't do her justice. Nor do any of those stock photos that try to paint her as this gorgeous sex-pot. I thought she was absolutely GORGEOUS during her interview with Ellen. No, I don't "walk that path," but I can appreciate a beautiful woman. And so, Evangeline Lilly is yet another of my (no longer) secret crushes.