On blame, storms and sleep

The bitch who made the turn on a red light in front of me when I had the green light? Yeah, she's claiming I ran a red. She's full of shit. In her statement, she said that she had a green turn arrow and was in a line of cars turning and that I ran the red.

Um....aside from the fact that she's lying, there are other problems here. I was coming straight and had a green light the whole time. The road is flat. There are no hills, so I could see the turn lane the entire time. If she was in a line of others turning, don't you think I would have seen the others as they turned in front of me?

Oh and I'm the one who called 9-11, not her. I'm also the one who insisted on a police report. The officer didn't want to write one and tried to talk me out of it, but I insisted. If I had run a red light, would I have done such a thing?

Apparently, she had two kids with her and took them to the ER. No one was hurt, but since she did that, it's now an injury accident (even though no one was hurt) and now I have to wait until Monday to get anywhere. Granted, if my kids had been with me, I would have taken them to the ER too just to be sure. So I'm not faulting her for that.

I had no clue she had kids in the car. It was so full of junk that I couldn't tell there was anyone else. I thought I saw a carseat, but I seriously couldn't tell because her car was such a mess. I really didn't think there was anyone else in there.

I'm pissed. You fucked up. You face the music.

Now I'm wondering if she even has insurance. The card she produced was outdated. She insisted she just didn't have her new card with her, but she got a citation for failure to provide insurance information. I'm wondering if she really doesn't have insurance and is lying to get out of paying for the damage. All I know is that I'm pissed. I have no clue how long all this is gonna take to sort through. I don't believe there were any witnesses, so I have no idea how they're gonna determine blame.

Not long after I heard about all that from my insurance company, we wound up sitting in the hallway with the kids while the sirens sounded. We had a scary storm come close to us. Luckily, nothing much became of it (other than the TONS of flooding--while I was in the officer's car last night going over my statement, a call went out of a motorist in the area whose car was under water and he was stranded on top of his vehicle), but it counted as our scare for the evening.

On top of all this, tonight is my sleep study. I'm nervous and I'm hyper from current events. I really hope I'll be able to sleep. I want answers so badly. I need a plan of action. Hopefully, tonight will be my first step in that direction.

Pardon me while I take a big sigh. Where's my karma? I try to be a good person. When I screw up, I try to be honest and take the blame when it's mine. It's not something I've always done and quite honestly, it sucks to have to do it, but I really do try. So, dude, where's my karma?

Pregnant in America

This is amazing. I cannot wait to see this in its entirety. It really seems to say exactly what I’ve found through my research and experience.

Accidents happen

to me.

Today, when it was pouring, some idiot decided to turn in front of me when I had a green light. My van isn't awful, but I'm not comfortable driving it (the front is cracked and it's hissing). They'll be towing it tomorrow. Which means I'll be trapped here until we can get the rental.

Pardon me while I growl loudly.

This may be one of the strangest statements in the world.

Tomorrow, I'm going for a sleep study and I couldn't be more excited about it.

About 20 years ago, a doctor suggested to my mom that I should have a sleep study. My mother, the queen of the hypochondriacs when it comes to her kids (my oldest brother almost died as a baby and as a result, she was hyper-sensitive to the rest of us, especially me, the baby), refused to take me. She always refused that follow-up stuff which just baffles me. To be completely honest, when we were fighting my insurance company for this study (they initially refused it), I felt awfully bitter towards my mom. If she had just taken me in for that sleep study years ago, maybe I wouldn't have suffered all these years since.

Yesterday, I had one hell of an episode. I just wanted to sleep--needed it and Girl1 threw a fit. I completely lost control. It was fucking frightening. Then I really couldn't sleep last night because I felt so freaking guilty. I went in and laid down with the girls in their bed for a while. I don't know that I've ever felt that guilty and honestly, I deserve to feel that way.

When I get at least a decent amount of sleep, I don't feel like that. I don't behave like that. But this fucking insomnia is kicking my butt.

Dh leaves for training in a week. The thought of being here alone with the kids and no sleep scared me. I hate the person I become when I'm exhausted. I have no patience at all and I lash out. My kids don't deserve that.

So when they called today to tell me they got the green light from my insurance company AND they could get me in tomorrow, I damn near did a little dance. I'm so excited to finally get some answers and a real course of action. Drugs haven't worked for me. Herbs haven't worked for me. Behavior and environmental changes haven't helped. I really am very excited to see what the results will be. I'm gonna finally get some sort of answers. YAY!

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways.

I've shared with you, my (now not-so-secret) crush on Gideon Yago. That love is alive, strong, and after seeing this clip, burning even brighter.

You need a license to cut hair.

Someone needs to tell Girl1 that. She missed the memo. She apparently also missed me specifically telling her that the other day.

She now has bangs. They are not pretty. I am not happy.

This is just evil!

I'm a photography junky. I'm also a handbag fiend.

Two of my loves have come together in some unholy union:

Camera Bags

I'm in love with the Classic (black and white), My favorite outfit (blues, greens and browns) and Groovy (that one's pretty obvious).

Parading those before me is pure evil.

I so want one (or 3).

It's not that bad, I promise.

Last night's post was just a quick one because I found out yet another old friend is pregnant. That's 2 old friends I found out about in just the past 2 days. Plus I'm planning the sister's baby shower, so I've been knee-deep in cute little baby faces, tiny baby booties, and great big pregnant bellies.

Honestly, things are actually going quite well here. Dh has been home most of this week. Yay. I know some people pitch fits when their husbands are home and in the way, but I love having him around. The kids do too.

The bad news is that he'll be away again soon, but not for very long. He'll be gone for 10 days, then home for 10 and then gone again for 10. The really bad part of this news is that he'll miss the girls' birthday AGAIN. The good news, though, is that, by some lucky foresight, I scheduled their party for the weekend BEFORE their birthday (which my mother will pitch a fit about because in Italian supersticion, that's very bad luck). Turns out, he's scheduled to leave that day, but he'll leave later in the day. Yay. Daddy will be there for their party.

Girl2 pitched a fit last year when dh was originally scheduled to leave for his deployment before their birthday. She burst into tears and announced,

"NO. Daddy has to be here for my birthday. We need Daddy and cake or else we won't have a birthday and I'll be 3 forever. I don't want to be 3 forever!" (that last part was announced with tears, screams and stomping)

At the last minute, they rescheduled him and he left at 3 am the morning after their party. So lucky for them, he was here not only for their actual birthday, but also their party (where there was cake) which ensured that they would move on up to the next age.

Of course, she forgot that he was also deployed for her 2nd birthday, so by her logic, she would have never turned 3 since, while we had cake, we didn't have the requisite daddy at her 2nd birthday party.

Regardless, there will be a party complete with balloons, friends, cake and daddy. So hopefully, even though he's missing the actual day (again), that will be enough to satisfy the birthday dieties (and the kindergarteners).

Things are going well here.

Oh and I finally got new pictures of the youngest of my nephews (I love my brother, but he sucked at keeping in touch pre-baby. One would assume that having a cute little face to photograph would prompt him to write more often in order to share said cuteness. No such luck). My nephew is ADORABLE. See?



I'll leave you on that cute, chubby, blue-eyed note.

It's o-fucking-fficial

damn near everyone around me is pregnant.

Friend who got married a few months ago? Pregnant

Long-time friend who lives 2000 miles away and whom I haven't seen in over 10 years? Pregnant.

Sister who didn't want any more kids? Pregnant.

Friend who has been through a whole hell of a lot in an attempt to have kids? Pregnant.

Old dance school friend who I've known for more than 20 years? Pregnant (and a PhD now too)

About 12 freaking people from my e-mail loop? Pregnant

I'm not faulting anyone. I don't expect anyone to stop their world to wait for me. It's just rough some time. Now is one of those times.

FTR, I'm filing this under "This fucking sucks" (among other things). I do NOT mean that in judgement of anyone else. I'm not actually mad at anyone for being pregnant. I just mean it sucks that I'm stuck in the situation I am. Basically, I just mean that it sucks to be me.

Too much cuteness

Random link Tuesday

I came across this link and I just love the artwork: Kei Acedera.

I'm particularly in love with this one, this, oh, let's not forget this, and of course, this one.

Go look around. Great stuff! The full-color illustrations are great too, but I have a special place in my heart for sketches.

I'm working on an idea for a kids' book about deployments. I would so love to have her illustrate it. :::sigh::: A girl can dream (and drool over those sketches).

Prayer of healing

Mi sheberakh avoteinu mekor habrakha l’imoteinu
May the Source of strength
Who blessed the ones before us
Help us find the courage
To make our lives a blessing,
And let us say: Amen.
Mi sheberakh imoteinu mekor habrakha l’avoteinu
Bless those in need of healing With refuah shleima:
The renewal of body,
The renewal of spirit,
And let us say: Amen

Born in Germany, she survived Hitler's regime. Her family lost everything--relatives and possessions. She escaped Nazi Germany and headed to a land she had never seen. It was here in the States that she married (another who fled Germany) and raised a family.

When I first heard her story, when dh and I were first dating, I told him, "We need to name a baby after her." We're Ashkenazi Jews and it's actually not our tradition to name after the living, but there was never any doubt that we needed to make an exception. Girl2 is named in her honor.

Now we're losing her. We don't know how much time dh's grandmother has left. After years of struggling with the hell that is Alzheimer's, she has taken a turn for the worse. She's in the hospital. She's DNR. Please keep her and dh's entire family in your thoughts and prayers.

Add these to the wish list.

In case you're shopping early for the girls' birthday, I'm adding these to their wish lists. Oy vey! It's another hip mom ironic t-shirt moment. I'm sure the world will come crashing down around me now. Somehow, I severely doubt my kids' personalities or my ability to parent will be governed by a t-shirt.

Regardless, I want this and this.

In case your completely baffled as to what on earth that above rant is about, I will point you in this direction.

Nothing says, "Congrats on the tiny life inside you,"

quite like crappy figurines.

File under WTF

Why in the world would anyone want one of these? They're not cute. They're not even a very good likeness. They're scary. I don't want that creepy thing staring at me from the shelf.

What if you put it in your child's room? Oh my word! That's child abuse. Then your poor kid has that hideous rendition of him/herself (Mommy, do I really look that frightening?) from a distance, mocking the child while it quietly plots the kid's death.

Remember the clown that attacked the kid in Poltergeist? These things are SO much worse (and obviously have a much higher potential for homicide. Just look at them).

From Neil Gaiman's mind

to your stomach:

Baby Shower Food

WTF? Am I the only one disturbed by the thought of eating BABIES at a baby shower?

FTR, here's someone's graphic novel rendition of Neil Gaiman's very disturbing short story, Baby Cakes. And here's my beloved Neil reading the story.

Once more with feeling

And here's another one. I'm very obviously not a Christian, but Ann professes to be, so I thought this raised fabulous points:

Yeah, what he said.

"There's a legitimate debate to be had in this country. There are legitimate points of view on both sides of every issue...There are legitimate discussions that we need to have right now about all kinds of topics and none of them are gonna come out of her mouth...Anybody who is reactionary and who just hates because you are on the other side needs to be ignored and pushed out of the room and the discussion needs to be had by the reasonable people...."

Watch the video. I like what he has to say. I don't necessarily agree that we should make fun of her. I think we should ignore her. She's the idiot gradeschool bully who only beats people up to get attention. I think what she said was hateful (everything she says is hateful) and I don't believe in countering hate with more hate. Still, he raises good points.

Sharing timeWho are the people in your neighborhood?

sing it with me now:

in your neighborhood
in your neigh-bor-hood, yeah
Who are the people in you‘re neighborhood?
They're the people that you meet when you're walking down the street,
they're the people that you meet each day.

Yeah, I realize that will be stuck in your head all day. No, I'm not particularly sorry about that. Sit down and shut up before I bust into the opening song from Tiny Tune Adventures, that obnoxious Lambchop song or the Caillou theme.

Anyway, let's get back on track. I want to have another sharing time entry. Let me explain why.

Every day, I see this elderly man walking with his dog. The man is always decked out in clothing supporting a local college team. I see him every day regardless of the weather. He's quite the fixture around here. I've even seen him on the weekends.

Well, the other day, I pulled up in front of the gym to unload the wee ones. He happened to be walking by at that moment and stopped to chat. He's such a sweet man. Turns out, he walks 7 miles every single day. Oh and he's 91. I'll give you a moment to pick your jaw up off the floor because I sure as hell needed it. 91? And he walks 7 miles a day every single day regardless of the conditions? Someone pass the cape because he's my new hero.

So now, for this installment of sharing time, I want everyone to blog about someone. Don't just leave it in my comments, create an entry on your blog, but please do leave a comment letting me know if you played the game so I can go over and read yours. You can pick anyone that you've noticed lately. Maybe it's a new co-worker. Maybe it's another mom from playgroup whose style (and that can be in relation to clothing, parenting, or just personality) you admire. Maybe it's your best friend. Maybe it's the bag boy at the supermarket. Maybe it's the guy who stopped to let you in on the road (pardon me while I bust into, "I'd like to thank you, whoever you are, you let me change lanes while I was driving in my car." I don't care if it's your very best friend or a random person you know nothing about, but find intriguing. Just go forth and blog.

Lessons from an experienced mom

If you find a brand new super cute blankie toy at a garage sale for less than a dollar, but said toy is no longer available in stores, do NOT under any circumstances encourage your child to form a bond with said toy.

Risks associated with this behavior include sleepless nights while said lovey is being washed, irritability (in both the child and parent) due to napless days for the same reason, and endless cursing when you find people out there are those who are chomping at the bit to take advantage of other parents who do such stupid things.

Coming out of hiding.

I beat the restaurant curse. I finally outran the little old man who kept chanting, "No restaurant for YOUUUUUU."

A friend invited me to lunch on Wednesday. It was a gorgeous day. It was good food. It was great company. It was the beginning of me feeling much better.

We went out on Friday to my restaurant of choice. The food was just eh (although healthy) and I'm still annoyed that no planning went into it on dh's part (I suggested it and it wasn't anything fancy). But, hey, I'm in that "moving right along" frame of mind.

I was supposed to see the sister yesterday, but she bailed. Then we were going to see her today for my niece's party, but that didn't happen. We're supposed to go over there on Tuesday for said birthday party. I'll keep ya posted on that. Is anyone in a betting mood?

I FINALLY got a bunch of purging done for my whole simplifying thing. There's a local consignment sale and I dropped a bunch of clothes off there. Dh even put together one of the old cribs to sell at the sale. It was originally a $500 crib, so I'm hoping to make some money off that. I'm really just hoping to get some of this crap out of here. I gave some clothes away and have still others in bags ready to give away (whenever I FINALLY get to see my sister). We have plans to pair down a bunch of the furniture in this place. I just need to wait until the consignment sales are all over (there will be one more at the end of the month). Then we'll be going room-by-room. We already know we're starting with the sitting room. I can't wait to have that room purged so it's not so cluttered. I love that room, but since it's the catch all for all of our clutter (and it's the first room you walk into when you enter), it makes me ill. I'm so excited to finally get it all straightened out.

It's Purim. Yay. I love Purim. It's my favorite holiday. Lots of fun. Lots of great food. There are supposed to be lots of great drinks (we're actually supposed to get drunk), but I didn't imbibe this year. We went to the party yesterday and the kids had another one today at Sunday school. They picked their own costumes and looked very cute. I made a Superman one for TheBoy and am quite proud how it turned out. All the costumes came from existing play clothes and/or regular clothes. We're oh so creative! :-)

And now my dinner is calling, so I must bid you all fare well for the time being.