heartbroken

The stuffed animals dh sent arrived today. The girls really ticked me off today, though, so I decided not to give them the toys. I'd be shooting myself in the foot if I gave them toys when they misbehaved.

Well, then Girl2 woke up with a nightmare. So I took out the stuffed camel and brought it in her room. I asked her what it was and she said with a smile, "A camel." Then I asked who sent it for her and her whole face lit up like I haven't seen in I don't know how long. She whispered, "Daddy."

I had to leave the room quickly because I started to cry. I can't even find the words to write about it. All I know is my little girl misses her daddy. They both do. I try to help out with that, but I don't know if it makes much difference.

The Boy seems to have forgotten Daddy. I was surprised when dh came home from a short TDY (he was gone about 2 weeks) in April. When he picked up the Boy that night, he got so excited. The baby was so young that I didn't think he'd remember Daddy. By this point, though, it seems as though any memory the Boy had of dh is gone. I purposely put on the videos we have of dh with the kids the other day. The girls watched intently, but the Boy showed no recognition at all. That breaks my heart.

I don't know what to do with these kids. I try to keep the girls in touch with dh by having them write to him and draw pictures. I really want them to talk to dh when he calls, but lately, they've been refusing to speak to him. When they do "talk" to him, they just say, "Hi. Yes. Yes. I'm done. Bye." He tries to ask them more questions, but they don't answer. It's really breaking HIS heart that lately, whenever I ask if they want to speak to him, the answer is always, "No." If the Boy has forgotten, what is there for me to do? No amount of pictures or videos will help. They're just photographs of yet another stranger.

Dh is struggling over there. My kids are hurting over here. Days like today, I feel very helpless and alone.