I'm living in a zoo.

The whole dryer situation has me a bit overwhelmed right now. The washer and dryer aren't a luxury for us. They really are a necessity. We have 4 kids & 4 pets. We need a working washer and dryer.

I mentioned the 4 pets on twitter and that was a smack in the face. FOUR pets? When in the world did my house turn into a zoo? Well, one could argue that it always was.

When I remember how each of our fuzzy children found us, it doesn't seem quite so overwhelming. When you shove them all together and count them, though, yeah, that'll shock ya. That will probably injure you too since they don't get along together in a group setting. Yeah, that's putting it mildly.

Cat1 & Funnel Face were shelter rescues. We were newly married when we adopted Cat1 as a companion for a cat I brought into the marriage (who was the most wonderful pet in the world and has since passed away). Problem was, MyCat hated Cat1 with a passion. So, for dh's birthday the following year, we adopted teeny tiny Funnel Face as a companion for Cat1. They got along wonderfully.

Okay 2 cats. That's not bad. 2 cats isn't an insane number of animals.

Then we adopted a dog. The Nutless Wonder is a consequence of the "war" in Iraq. He was about 6 months old when his owner (a friend of dh's) was sent to Iraq. Unable to care for the dog, he gave him to us. This dog has given our family the gift of countless hours (and therefore posts) of funny dog-related comments.

2 cats and a dog is starting to be a bit much, but still within reason, isn't it? Particularly given the manner in which said dog found his way to our family.

The 4th addition to our family is PresidentCat. He is my sister's fault. Her husband drove home from work one evening and heard a baby crying. After some searching, they found that baby was actually an approximately 4 week old kitten that had ridden home in his engine. How he survived, I know not. Upon washing off the filth, my sister found the kitten looked similar to the then departed MyCat. The sister played foster mom for a short while and then he came to live with us. He is not my cat. He is my daughters' cat. He adores them and only them. He tollerates the rest of us.

When you look at them each individually and see how they came to us, it seems bearable. When you look at them en mass, though (and the havok they wreak in the process), it's almost enough to make you run screaming. Then again, maybe that's just me.

The not so wordless Wordless Wednesday: The evil dryer from hell

6/17 UPDATE: No new washer/dryer for me. Home Depot made it absolutely impossible to change the order, so I had to cancel the whole thing. No new washer/dryer. Oh hell. Now what?

If you follow me on twitter, you've read my endless string of complaints about my evil dryer from hell (yes, that is it's technical name and it must be referred to as such at all times).

The last straw was when it ate an entire load of clothes. Each t-shirt had about 20 scorch marks/holes. I have a postpartum body and not many clothes into which I currently fit. I have very little spending money. I have no patience for this. I can't deal with this.

The evidence of the evilness of the aforementioned evil dryer from hell is presented below.

Oh dryer, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways (and holes and scorch marks).

2 holes and 1 and 1/2 scorch marks.

3 holes and a scorch mark

3 holes (there's a small one on the far left plus the big one and smaller one on the right) and 2 scorch marks (the one on the left is difficult to see).

3 holes

1 hole

1 scorch mark and 1 hole

That last one is my daughters' dearly beloved Lands End bathing suit. I was very upset over that. It's by far our favorite bathing suit, but we can't afford to replace it right now. Well, the WONDERFUL people at Lands End read my tweet wherein I mourned the bathing suit (and two companions). They contacted me and offered to replace it. AHHHHHHHHHHHH. I could kiss every single person at that company.

My mother offered to buy us a new dryer AND a new washer as an anniversary gift (while it's true the dryer recently started sounding like an epileptic robot was trapped inside, the washing machine has done a wonderful imitation of a helicopter for months. When my midwife washed our towels and sheets after TheBaby's birth, the noises emanating from the washing machine scared the hell out of her. "Are you sure that's okay? Are you REALLY sure? That sounds bad.") . Yes, this is the same mother who has been out of work for 6 months. The new NOT evil washer/dryer from mom will be delivered on Monday.

Yeah, my Wordless Wednesday wasn't so wordless. Whoops.

Again, 6/17 UPDATE: We are NOT getting a new washer/dryer.

I'll stop the world and melt with you.

I'm going to post some frivolous things, but before I do, I have to point out that my thoughts, my prayers, and my heart are still with my friend at this awful time. I don't want anyone to think that I'm being flippant by continuing to post about mundane things. That baby has touched my heart and my soul and I will never be the same. She is gone, but will never be forgotten.

I'm trying to be here for my friend as best I can. If I could stop my world to wait for her, I would.

I'm going to resume posting, but not because we're "Moving on." I'm doing it as a distraction.

Moment of silence

A friend of mine has lost a baby. I can't write. I don't feel up to bitching about little trivial things. Instead, I'm taking a moment of silence in honor of her baby.

Please send prayers and good thoughts her way.

Home is...

This post is written in response to Twitter Moms' Away We Go Contest: Tell Us What Home Means To You and Get Prizes!

We were, until fairly recently, a military family. We have been moved around. Some of our things still have moving ID stickers from 2 moves ago. We have been dropped in areas where we have no family. We have had to split up our family for deployments and training. We have had to create our own definition of home.

Before dh and I married, home was the same house where I and 3 other generations of my family lived. If you look in my father's high school year book (the same high school I attended), you see the same address listed under his name as you find in the back of mine 37 years later. Home was the same town and house in which I had always lived and I had deep roots there (literally).

I had a difficult time feeling at home anywhere once I left that house. We moved into an apartment when we were first married and I liked it, but it wasn't home. It was exciting when we rented our first house, but I was never comfortable there. When the military moved us, that was the most awkward of all.

Before we had children, when my husband was away & we didn't know where the military would send us next, my husband told his friends, "Home is where the wife is."

We had children, the "War" started, and my husband left. He eventually came home to much older children who could do so much more than when he left. He came home to a house completely redecorated. He came home. He would leave again for training and not too long after, he left for yet another deployment. Each time, he was welcomed home.

Right now, "Home," for us is our house with our family. Home is the bedroom where our youngest daughter was born. Home is where our children took their first steps. Home is where we cuddle under the blankets and listen to the rain fall.

But take away this house and we know we'll still be able to find home. As a child, "Home," was that house. As an adult, a mother, and a military wife, I've come to realize that home is not always one specific place. Home is a feeling of comfort, familiarity and safety.

"Where we love is home--home that our feet may leave, but not our hearts."-Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

I've got all my sisters and me, but unfortunately, it appears one of us missed out on the common sense train.

For those keeping score:
Sister Sunshine: 3. Common Sense: 0

Yes, oh yes. I got ANOTHER theft or a religious idol in an attempt to gain wealth.

Oh yes. We've been here before.
Submitted for approval of the midnight society are exhibits one and two.

This e-mail contains a picture of the "Sacred Angel," (let me remind you, yet again: Me-Jewish. Sister Sunshine-Atheist) and promises

"If you have passed it on, your wish will come
True and money will come your way shortly. "

FTR, "Money" is highlighted in red in the forward. I didn't do that just to point out that, once again, we have an e-mail that bastardizes a figure from someone else's religion in the hopes of monetary gain.

I hope your wish isn't to keep your friends because forwarding crap like this will make them run screaming from you. I'm related to Sister Sunshine, so I don't have that luxury.

The chain mail urges you to

Send this to all your good friends online to show them
You are friends.

Sending this to all your good friends will not show them you are friends. It will show them that you are an asshole.

If you get this back from:
1 person - you are lonely
2 people - you have a couple friends, but not many
3 people - you have a few friends...
4 people - you have some friends...
5 people - you have several friends!!
6 people - you have many friends! !!
7 people - you are SOOOO loved!!!
Remember, no man or woman is a failure who has a friend!

You are, however, a failure, if you continue yanking the chain and send this thing on it's horridly lonely quest to Spamalot. If you get this back from 7 people, it's not proof that you are "SOOOO loved." It's proof that you are friends with idiots.

If I could sit on the porch with G-d, the first thing I would do is thank him for you....
Author unknown

If I could sit across the porch (from) you, I'd smack you and tell you to cut it out with the freaking chain letters already!

I have no idea why I keep taking pictures of the baby's eyes

but here's another random one.

Lullaby and good night GO TO SLEEP little baby.

The yellow brick road in SwaddleBlanketLand has lead me to the Miracle Blanket. I really wanted more information on the Puckababy, but I wasn't able to find any reviews online. I found that they have a twitter account (I found them when they sent me an @reply on twitter), but I can't find one single review of the product anywhere. I asked on twitter and got no responses (not even from the Puckababy twitter account).

So, I gave up and instead, turned my ruby slippers towards the Miracle Blanket. It arrived today (THANK YOU, G-D) and I have the baby in it now (she's asleep). I want to try it for a week and see what I think.

My initial review is that it seems a bit cumbersome, but I think it will solve my problems. It has fabric flaps that hold the arms down. Baby Houdini easily got her arms out of the Swaddle-Me blanket no matter what we tried, so here's hoping those flaps help. It looks like they will. I was afraid TheBaby would feel too restricted that way, but she smiled at me after I wrapped her arms up. The bottom is quite a bit larger than the Kiddopotamus blanket we were using. That was the other issue--she was too tall for the other blanket. This addresses both of our big issues, so here's hoping TheBaby sleeps soundly tonight (me too, please).

Of course, after I bought the blanket, I found that Dealiciousmom has a Miracle Blanket giveaway. Figures! I entered anyway. It seems like a great baby gift and lots of people are pregnant right now. Thanks to that link, I found a video I can watch to be sure I used it correctly. It's simple enough, but it is a bit more complicated than the Swaddle-Me.

I'll give you an update in the morning. Keep your fingers crossed.

Book Review: Obama: The Historic Journey Young Reader's Edition

Thanks to Mother Talk, I received a copy of Obama: The Historic Journey. It's 96 pages of information and wonderful pictures for young readers (9-12 years old).

It was a bit "old" for my biggest kids (2nd grade), but I read it to them at night and they ate it up. They asked for this book repeatedly at bed time. Even tonight, when I grabbed it to write my review, they asked me to read it again.

I cannot tell you how amazing the photographs are. The most recent ones from the election are gorgeous. The front and back inside covers have wonderful collages of pictures as well. Many of them, I've never seen before, so they weren't the same old recycled ones the kids have seen over and over again. These are so bright and crisp and really lend quite a bit to the story.

I must say, there were some photographs with which I was disappointed. My daughters are fascinated by President Obama's family. They specifically wanted to see pictures of his sister Maya. There are no clear pictures of her. In his family tree, they use a photo of her, but she appears to be blowing a kiss, so her face is blocked. There are no pictures from President Obama's father's side of the family. The other photographs were so wonderful and unique. We just wish that could have been the case for every one.

It was so interesting to learn more about President Obama and his family. Did you know his mother's name was Stanley because her father wanted a boy? She later went by her middle name. I didn't know that until we read "Chapter 1 A Skinny Kid With A Funny Name." My daughters loved that little tidbit too. They also loved the two-page spread on pages 68 and 69 which listed some more information on the President. We looked at the great candid photos and we read about his shoe size, his exact height (down to the 1/2 inch), his favorite movies, food and hobbies.

The book gets far more in depth than I expected for a book geared towards children. There was quite a bit of coverage given to President Obama's political career and particularly the recent election. Personally, I skipped some because it was a bit too much for my kids, but it's something I know we'll go back to when they're older. Although, even when it was over their heads, they were still able to take a lot away from the book.

Quotations from President Obama were scattered throughout the book. I LOVED that. I'm not sure the kids appreciated it much (When I stopped to read one, I'd hear"Yeah, but what happened next?"), but I certainly did. I read them all and found them absolutely fascinating.

One of the most unexpected things (and my daughters' favorite) was at the end. There, you'll find a section titled "Dear Sir Obama: Presidential Advice." It's an excerpt from "Thanks and Have Fun Running the Country: Kids' Letters to President Obama." There, we poured over letters and portraits by children. I think it's the perfect ending.

This is a book and a keepsake. What a wonderful way to explore this amazing time in history with your children! This is the type of book that also serves as a fantastic keepsake. How neat will it be for my daughters to show their children this book in the future!

Obama: The Historic Journey (Young Reader’s Edition)

On a lighter note.

The other day, I heard proof that my middle daughter really is mine.

The three oldest were playing an aleph bet match card game. Little brother insisted on turning over all the cards to see where the letters were. This compelled his sister to tell him, "Stop that. That defeats the purpose of the game."

Oh yeah! She's mine.

Out of the mouths of babes... come the words of their parents.

What do I do with this?

So, we have the triplet thing out there. Now what? What do I do with this? I'm not even talking about processing the whole thing emotionally. I'm talking about how I define myself now.

Am I a mom of triplets? Do I refer to myself as such? I will never know the ins and outs of daily life with triplets, so I don't feel right doing that. It's like the woman who says, "I breastfed my children and I never breastfed in public." Then you find out she breastfed 2 or 3 times in the hospital and that was the extent of her breastfeeding experience. You define your own success, but unless you live the realities of it, you don't really understand the situation.

For the same reason, I don't think it's fair to refer to myself as such. Yes, I carried triplets, but only one survived.

At the same time, I want to acknowledge the babies. This is really the only forum where I can talk about this and I want to claim them as my own. I wasn't able to give birth to them, but we created them and I carried them. I feel the need to acknowledge them.

Do I refer to myself as a MoM (mom of multiples)? I have twins who survived (B"H) and, for a brief moment, I had triplets. What notation do I include in that?

Anyone have any suggestions? I just want to find a way to acknowledge the babies without claiming to be something I'm not.

We shove more things up our noses before 9 am than most people do all day.

Some pretty heavy posts on here as of late. I figured we could all use a break, so I'd like to direct your attention here:

Shove It Up Your...

Despite the suggestion of vulgarity, it's actually about my kids and the ER. That was while dh was deployed. Stuff like this ONLY happens when dh is deployed. The baby I refer to in that post is actually my preschool-age son. Wow! What a flashback!

I can laugh about this now. I can actually laugh pretty hard at this whole situation now--3 years later. Hopefully, you can too.

Did you know: Disposable Diapers

I found out about this when my twins were babies and I've realized that many are not aware of this little bit of information. So I'll share.

Did you know that if you use disposable diapers and have a problem (leaking, tabs breaking, etc), you can call the number on the package and get either a free package or a check (depending on the brand)?

Keep the package until all the diapers/training pants are done because if you have a problem, you'll need the phone number and the identifying numbers from the package.

It's usually a very quick call. They take your information, ask about the problem and then issue compensation of some form.

When my daughters were smaller, it was a much more detailed call. The phone reps asked the weight of the child, where the problem was specifically(if it leaked from the leg, the back, etc), if you had any suspicions about what caused the problem, etc. Lately, though, they just take your information, apologize and send either a free pack or a check.

We use cloth most of the time, but we use disposables at night and on some rare occasions. Plus TheBoy sleeps in disposable training pants at night. Usually, there are no problems, but when there are, we know what to do.

“We can survive functional illiteracy or shattered windows of vulnerability, but not the demise of The Decent Cup of Tea”

There's a military-related topic I've always wanted to blog about, but never have. Honestly, I have no idea why. So I'll do that now.

I don't think civilians have any idea how vulnerable military wives are when their husbands are away. We often have no family in the area and our husbands are gone for long stretches at a time.

When we had an exterminator come to our house during dh's first desert deployment, the exterminator looked at the photos on the walls and commented on dh being in the military. For a brief moment, I was terrified. Here's this stranger in my house and I'm one step away from letting him know I've been alone for months and will continue to be. I choose my words carefully and, while not outright lying, didn't mention the deployment and made it sound as though he was working at the local military instillation rather than carrying a full load of armor and guns in the desert.

I was sensitive to any sign that we were a military family. Anyone with even the slightest amount of common sense could put two and two together and figure out that we were defenseless and alone and would remain so for a long time.

Now, I'm a feminist. I don't need a man to take care of me. Still, when your husband is across the world, particularly when your husband is across the world and you have small children, you're left feeling very vulnerable.

I know many mothers teach their children to call 9-1-1, but there was an urgency and vulnerability to making sure my daughters knew how to call for help. Should something happen to me, the only way the world would know is if a set of toddlers could call for help.

When I went into the attic, I had to call my sister beforehand to let her know and instruct her, "If you don't hear back from me in 15 minutes, call to check on me." I sometimes wondered, if I got hurt, how long it would be until someone even noticed much less sent help. With three small children (at the time), that was far more frightening.

Another thing that leaves you feeling vulnerable is that you can't do anything for your husband. I recognized the signs of PTSD pretty early on in his last deployment, but there was nothing I could do. I tried every option I had, but in the military, there's a fine line between getting help and getting the spouse in trouble. Plus, even all these years later, PTSD still isn't taken seriously. I cannot tell you how many times I was asked how long we had been having marital problems during that whole ordeal. We weren't. It was the deployment that was causing problems. I can fix damn near anything, but when the higher ups choose to believe you're just a silly little dramatic wife, there's nothing you can do. You're a world away and completely helpless while you recognize the signs that your husband is morphing into someone very different. There's nothing you can do. Well, you can scream and cry, but you and your husband both are vulnerable to the system.

People have their own ideas about what it's like to be a military family. There's quite a bit of coverage on the news and in articles. Yet, I've never read anyone even touch on that vulnerability and that can be a very big part of the experience in oh so many ways.

On a quest for the perfect swaddle blanket

I'm on a mission, not from G-d, but an important one none-the-less.

TheBaby sleeps fabulously when she's swaddled. The problem is that, from a very early age, she channeled Houdini and got out of the blanket. So we bought the small cotton Kiddopotamus Swaddle Me wrap at Toys R Us. That worked well until fairly recently.

Now, TheBaby is too tall and her legs get cramped. She has also rediscovered her inner Houdini and can get her arms out no matter how tightly she's wrapped.

When she's swaddled, she sleeps through the night. When she's not, she's up every hour. You see why I NEED A FREAKING SWADDLE BLANKET.

Someone suggested the Miracle Blanket. Does anyone else have any suggestions? I'm open to any and all ideas right now.

3 It's the Magic Number. Then Again, Maybe Not

I've taken some time to process some information and I still don't know what to do with it. For the most part, we have decided not to share this with people we know IRL. I don't know why. I'm just not comfortable talking about this with most people I know in the real world (as opposed to my imaginary friends in the computer). I'm going to post about it, though, because I need to talk myself through this.

You remember my youngest daughter? She's the oh so adorable infant who came into this world in the most amazing fashion at home and completely changed our world. Remember her? Well, we found out that she was not a singleton.

She was a triplet. The other two, however, didn't make it past the first trimester.

Early on, I wondered. In the early days, this last pregnancy felt very similar to my twin pregnancy, only moreso. I was far more exhausted and nauseated than I was even with twins. Since I was so tired and sick, we put off getting an ultrasound until later than usual. We saw one baby on the ultrasound and breathed a sigh of relief. Now, though, we realize they were already gone by then.

When TheBaby was born, there was evidence of the other two. G-d bless the midwife, though, she didn't explain the signifigance of it. I had my suspicions (as dh later admitted as well), but I'm glad to have avoided the weight of that when I was busy cuddling a tiny newborn. Our amazing homebirth wasn't tainted by the knowledge of what we lost.

A few weeks ago, I asked the midwife about it. I expected her to tell me we were reading too much into it and that these things weren't an indication of other babies at all. Instead, she said, "Yeah, that's the only reason that would happen."

I had triplets. Well, I "had" them in the sense that, for a brief period, I carried them. I didn't actually give birth to them. I need to be able to own that. I need to be able to acknowledge that they were there. I can't do that much in real life.

I still don't know how to think or feel.

I know we never would have had the birth we did if I had given birth to triplets. TheBaby's birth was the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. For the first time, I was able to give birth to a child in a way that did NOT put the baby or me at risk. The birth completely changed my world.

Could my body have carried triplets to term? All signs point to, "No." My daughters' prematurity was a result of my body's inability to provide for them. I never went into labor. They were cut out because I developed pre-eclampsia and my body put them at risk. Yes, midwifery care prevented the problem in later pregnancies, but my midwives couldn't have taken me on. A triplet pregnancy after 2 c-sections would have ruled out a homebirth and would have limitted the pre-natal care my midwives could have provided.

For oh so many reasons, having three babies would have been devestating.

I know full-well that this was for the best.

Still, we had triplets. For a little while, I carried two babies that we'll never know.

I'm torn between the logical and the emotional. I don't regret how things worked out. My daughter is a blessing. Her birth was a blessing. Still, I wonder.

Leg Huggers Review

I was recently (okay, not so recently, but having a newborn makes getting a quick turn-around difficult) given the opportunity to review Leg Huggers.

Leg warmers like these are popular lately for good reason.

• Protect crawling toddler's knees.

Before TheBoy started walking, his knees used to be absolutely filthy after he spent time in the gym nursery.

• Great for Elimination Communication

A friend of mine who does EC pretty much only puts her baby in leg warmers, no pants because it makes it so much easier.

• They make potty training easier and more comfortable for everyone.

While nakedness worked well for potty training, all of my kids were trained in the winter. These would have made it so much more comfortable on the child without the hassle of having to quickly get extra clothing out of the way.

• Inexpensive way to help extend the life of certain clothes
  

My daughters got a big kick out of being able to wear their favorite short-sleeve t-shirts even when the weather was cooler because they wore these on their arms.

• Great alternative to tights.

Since these are made with bamboo, they're thermal regulating. That way, when worn under a dress in chilly weather, legs stay warm and with shorts in warmer weather, they wick moisture away so that legs stay cool.

• Make great dress-up clothing

Okay, maybe that's just my kids, but they got the biggest kick out of using one as a psychedelic tail by tucking it into the back of their shorts, being one of Dumbo's brightly-colored techno elephants on parade by holding it on their face as a trunk and wearing them over their own ears as animal/alien/monster ears.

I got a chance to try the Leopard Pink print. Now, I must say, when I saw these online, I didn't think I liked the patterns. After seeing these super cute ones in person, though, I realize the pictures on the website simply don't do the prints justice. The print looks much cuter than it appears on the official site. The colors really pop.

These are made of bamboo which thrilled my little heart. The more I hear about bamboo, the more I love it. Bamboo can grow 15 feet in 7 days, so it's a sustainable resource. It's more absorbent than cotton (the cloth diaper community is raving about how much better bamboo is than cotton for absorbency). It's anti-bacterial. It provides protection from UV rays. Bamboo really does seem to be ideal for children's clothing.

I wondered how they would hold up after wear and washing. My kids did an awful lot of stretching, but these came through the wash looking brand new.

I compared these to a no-name brand of leg warmers I have and these were a bit bigger and MUCH softer. When compared to a major name pair of leg warmers, these were the same size and a bit softer, but these Leg Huggers kept the kids far more comfortable. The kids' legs quickly got over-heated with the major name alternative.

These aren't just for babies. I actually found these to be too big for my newborn, but my bigger kids loved them. My son is 38 inches tall and 30 lbs. My older daughters are 47-48 inches tall and 45-50 lbs. These worked great for all of them.

Here's a rumpled-looking Girl1 (the bigger of the two) wearing them with shorts.

Here, you can see TheBoy wearing one with shorts.

I really wish they had some more traditional boy patterns, but he really didn't care about that. He loved these just as much as his sisters.

Leg Huggers is a part of the Free Hugs Movement. "Free hugs is a real life controversial story of Juan Mann, A man whos sole mission was to reach out and hug a stranger to brighten up their lives. In this age of social disconnectivity and lack of human contact, the effects of the Free Hugs campaign became phenomenal."

If you're on Facebook, you can become of fan of Leg Hugger's page where you can find news, deals and discounts.

Wordless Wednesday: EYE see you

Wordless Wednesday May 20

Chick's Chat & I Laugh

I don't know how I missed this, but since I finally found it, I must share it with you.

Stesha (@iamstesha) is is one of the blogging moms I've found via twitter. At that time I "met" her, we were both pregnant. She was expecting twins. I was waiting for my singleton. Through twitter, I found her blog (Hot Chocolate Caramel Mocha) which is hysterical.

Somehow, I missed this video entry from April. I found it today and I love it. First off, she looks fabulous. She had twins, people. Secondly, I love what she has to say and I adore her closing.

Go watch her video. It's quick and it will make you laugh.

Life, Death and Nourishment

Welcome, Carnival of Breastfeeding readers!
Make sure you take wander through the links to other carnival participants.

August 8 2009 edit: This post is being entered in the Breastfeeding Awareness Mommy Moment Contest.

I've mentioned this experience in an earlier post and I considered mentioning this in the recent discussion about unexpected benefits of breastfeeding, but I thought this would be best explained in a post all its own.

On the first anniversary of my brother's death, I nursed my daughter while praying and I will be eternally grateful for that experience.

My brother was given six months to live. He never made it that far. Cancer stole him from us the day we found out we were pregnant with twins.

In the Jewish tradition, you recite the Mourner's Kaddish on the anniversary of the death of a loved one (the yarzeit). This, however, can only be done with a minyan. You cannot stay home to pray. Kaddish must be said within a community of Jews.

So, I struggled to sit through services with two tiny babies, but without my husband (the military sent him away for training). Just before Kaddish was said, Girl1 got fussy. My initial reaction was, "Why now of all times?" I was annoyed, sad and overwhelmed, but my baby needed me. She helped pull me out of my misery and forced me to focus not only on what I lost, but on the remaining blessings I held in my hands, literally and figuratively. When it was time to stand for Kaddish, she was still nursing. I stood, clutching my daughter, and prayed.



While reciting those words for my brother, I stared into that tiny face of the child he never even knew existed. He was gone. Nothing could change that. Yet, while mourning that loss, I was effortlessly nourishing this new soul. It was such a simple moment, yet so profound. I was reminded that the world continued. Yes, there was death and destruction to be feared, but there was also love, beauty, and sacred simplicity to be cherished.

Breastfeeding does so much more than simply nourish my child. In that moment (and in others since then), breastfeeding fed my soul.

####

For other great breastfeeding stories, visit these other Carnival of Breastfeeding Participants:

Hannah's Weaning at Strocel.com
Weaning a Toddler from Laura's Blog
How Breastfeeding Changed My Life at a Mother's Boutique
Sticking With It: Our Breastfeeding Story at So Fawned
Breastfeeding Failures and Success from Grudgemom
Flying Breastmilk at And All The Sazz
Baby Carriers Down Under by Kandy
Ben’s story: The best breastfeeding advice, from the least likely source at the Massachusetts Friends of Midwives
The “I Told You So” at Blisstree.com
Breastfeeding is not easy, but it's definitely best for baby at Chronicles of a Nursing Mom
Story week post #1: "They said the latch was fine." at the Motherwear Breastfeeding Blog
Breastfeeding Made Me The Mother I Am at Breastfeeding Mums Blog
Can Early Public Breastfeeding Sightings Shape One’s Future Breastfeeding Practices? Breastfeeding Moms Unite
Celebrating my...chest! Zen_mommy
A Found Memory by Crystal Gold

How Breastfeeding Saved My Life

No, it's not what you think.

Last night, my house may very well have burned down, but breastfeeding saved us all. Feel free to laugh at my expense and/or stand in awe of the power of breastfeeding.

TheBaby absolutely refused to wake up to nurse when I went to bed. I tried to sleep, but was too engorged. I grumbled a whole host of expletives while I hauled my tired butt out of bed to go get the pump. I had to go through the kitchen to get it. When I did, there sat our cheapy coffeemaker staring at me with one bright red eye.

Our cheapy coffee maker is not nealry sophisticated enough to have an auto off feature. It's also very different from it's more expensive counterparts in that, when left on, it does not continue to brew the coffee, it just burns. If left long enough, it has the potential to ignite. That single red eye, yeah, that was the "on" button.

I set it up to brew before I went to bed with plans of turning it off before I did. Unfortunatley, I forgot all about it. It had been on for over an hour by that point. If not for the necessity of pumping, the whole house could have burned down as a result of my need for caffeinated goodness in the early morning hours.

Now there's a benefit of breastfeeding I'll bet you never read about in text books.

Anyone else out there have any other "off label" benefits you've found to breastfeeding?

Robots and toddlers and phone calls, oh my!

I must direct your attention to this blog entry because I have lived the exact same situation far too often myself (although, mine usually involves cursing).

Screw you, robot. Don’t you speak frazzled mother and toddler?

Oh, how I know that feeling! If you need a quick laugh (and to be reassured that you are not alone if you've ever been on the phone with a robot at the very same time a toddler demands your attention), head over there.

Sunday meme

My creativity is apparently on a long vacation. Unfortunately, we are not. I actually have a great product review to share, but every time I feel compelled to write it, someone cries or falls or needs something washed.

So, instead, I'm going to do a meme. I found this one here.

1. How did you come up with your blog title OR what does it mean?
Here's the entry which inspired the title: Notes From A Former Military Wife.
In While They're At War, Kristin Henderson writes about returning to civilian life after the military,

"And then one day, you go back to Earth, maybe just for a visit, maybe for good, and as you step off the spaceship, all around you in the spaceport, you hear a Babel of voices, over the loudspeaker, passing you in the concourse, speaking in some strange foreign tongue, and all of a sudden, it hits you – that’s the language you grew up speaking. In conversations, you sometimes find yourself searching for a word, a word you should know. Sometimes, you dream in Martian. Your time on Mars has gifted you with a new way of speaking, a new way of looking at the world. And it has robbed you of the easy comfort you once felt in your mother tongue.” pg 131


2. What are your general goals for blogging?
Initially, I wrote to give people a fuller picture of what military life was really like. There was so much coverage of the goings to and coming from "War," but nothing that showed the horror and everyday issues that happen during deployment and after.

Now, even though dh is no longer active duty, I blog for the same reason. Although, I think my focus more recently has been on religion--teaching and learning.

My main goals are probably to connect with other bloggers and learn from them.


3. Do people “in your real life” know that you blog and do they comment on your blog OR is it largely anonymous? How often do you post (x per week)?
Only a handful of people I know IRL are aware of this blog. I try to be as anonymous as I can be. My posting varies, but lately, it's 3-5 times per week.

4. How often do you read other blogs (x per week)?
Oh my word! I'm always reading other blogs. I have hundreds on my Google Reader, but lately, I have fallen WAY behind with those. I used to clear out my reader every day. Now, though, I rely more on twitter to stay connected to a few specific bloggers. I still check their blogs regularly, though.

5. How do you select blogs to read (do you prefer blogs that focus on certain topics or do you choose by tone?
Often, I find a focus with which I connect (breastfeeding, birth, Judaism, multiples, etc), but there are a few I follow simply because I love the writer's style.

6. Do you have any plans to copy your blog entries in any other format, 0r do you think that one day, you’ll just delete it all?
Haven't given this much thought. I wouldn't delete them, but I have no plans to bind them all together in a coffee table book.

7. What are the things you like best about blogging?
I love all the new people I've been able to "meet" through blogging. I also enjoy having a place in which to publish all the stories my children will probably hate me for sharing in 10 years or so.

8. What are the things you don’t like about blogging?
The fact that I have to try to stay anonymous. The internet seems to suck the empathy/sympathy/common sense from some folks. I would love to be able to share more details without the fear of someone being a PITA about it.

9. How do you handle comments?
I don't quite understand what the question is asking.
For negative comments, I prefer not to censor. I leave them here and take part in the discussion. I don't think I've ever removed a comment.

When someone new comments here, I try to repay the favor, but especially lately, I haven't been able to do that. That's a shame because I've found some wonderful blogs through comments left on here.


10. Do you have any burning thoughts to share on blog etiquette?
Common sense, people. The use of common sense makes the blogging experience so much better.

11. Any desired blog features?
I could probably create a list that would go on forever, but I won't.

12. Have you suffered blog addiction?
Yes.
(slides chair aside and stands up) Hi. I'm Reiza and I'm addicted to far too many blogs.
FTR, Twitter just makes it worse. It's a gateway drug. I've found so many more blogs since I started on twitter, but since I'm on twitter, I don't have time to read as many blogs. AHHHHH, vicious circle!

The dictionary of a 3-year-old

My son has given me his own definition for the word "Dizzy." I find it brilliant and funny. You may not agree, but it's my blog, so :-p to you.


Dizzy:
diz-zy [diz-ee]
-adjective
"I spin and spin and spin and then I stop and the room keeps spinning."

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

I love twitter. I just asked there for tips on dealing with a situation we're having with family and someone there helped get to the bigger issue. Of course, I still don't know how to deal with the smaller symptom of the bigger issue. I'm open to any advice.

I need tips on dealing with my father-in-law. He seems bothered by the fact that we keep kosher. My mother-in-law actually called the Pesach restrictions, "Stupid," in front of my kids during Passover, but my father-in-law is more vocal and persistent about his distaste for keeping kosher. Yes, we do, but no, we don't beat anyone over the head about it. We've never asked my in-laws to do the same. The only thing we've ever asked is that they not bring treif in our house. We never discussed keeping kosher with them, but my FIL feels compelled to bring it up.

He often feels compelled to tell us, "You know, those rules only exist because pork wasn't safe to eat back then." This last time, he added, "If I told you not to eat something, you'd tell me to go to hell,' but if I say, 'G-d says you shouldn't eat something,' you do it." I replied, "Actually, no. You tell me G-d told me not to do it and I'm going to read up and consult with others who are more educated on the topic than me before I make a decision." Well, I started to say that, but he cut me off and talked over me.

When I asked for advice on twitter, someone suggested not discussing it and showing respect. My first reaction was to be slightly offended. "But we TRY to show respect. We don't want to discuss it. My FIL just won't stop." Then it occurred to me that we do show respect, but my in-laws often don't. Oh, the stories I could tell you. There have been SO many times when they have done rude things and we just quietly let it go rather than creating a scene. When it's necessary, we speak up, but for smaller things, we try to be respectful and let it go. Unfortunately, that respect is not mutual. From what I've been told (by dh AND his parents), that lack of respect has always existed.

How do you deal with a situation where there's no respect for your family? We've tried having discussions with them. We've tried asking politely. We've tried getting the point across jokingly. We've tried ignoring it (which isn't really an option once you have children who can understand). There was one point where, at a family seder (before we had kids), I got up and left the table (they were making racist jokes AGAIN and I absolutely refused to sit there through it). I much prefer to deal with things less dramatically, though.

We're in an even rougher position because of my FIL's health issues. I can't stand to deal with the lack of respect, but at the same time, I'm now reluctant to get into anything because we never know when it could be the last time we see my FIL.

Luckily, they don't live nearby, so we haven't had to deal with this often. Still, I'm open to ideas and suggestions. How do we deal with this in general? Any tips on what to say to make my FIL stop voicing his distaste for keeping kosher? I'd also appreciate any tips on what to say to stop them from saying rude things in general in front of our children.

Happy Mothers' Day

I hope all my mommy follower had a happy Mothers' Day. For any followers dealing with infertility who are not yet mommies, know you're in my thoughts and prayers.

This morning, the family brought me breakfast in bed--real breakfast cooked by the husband. So I was able to avoid the joy that is burnt toast. :-) Dh bought me the 7th season of Gilmore Girls. Yay. The absence of Gilmore Girly Goodness in my life has been very apparent recently. I miss the wit and wisdom shared by Rory and Lorelai (and the occasional great lines thrown in by others in Stars Hollow). There were a few episodes I missed, so I'm thrilled to get the DVD's. We went out to lunch and then got coffee.

I'm glad I have this blog, because it allowed me to take a walk down memory lane with the ghost of Mothers' Days past. Oh, I am SO glad that this year has been very different. Bigger kids (and a complete set of kids which I didn't know if we'd have back then), a husband who is not deployed, and sleep--GLORIOUS sleep.

"You ought to be happy a whole heaping lot for the places and people you're lucky you're not." Yeah, we're the same people, but I'm thrilled we're not in the same position.

Despite some frightening health issues, my mother is still with us. Bubbe's Alzheimers has worsened, but physically, she's healthy. Plus, I hear that now, she smiles all the time. She has moments where her old self shines through, but overall, she can no longer remember the past, which for her, means she no longer lives with her fear from Germany. This is a blessing.

This Mothers' Day, I'm thankful for the little things; hand-made cards and kisses and I'm thankful for the big things; health, memory, and home.

Sister Sunshine Proves My Point.

We have another in the long line of WTFable e-mails from everyone's favorite sister.

If you recall, I have already established that my middle sister is on crack. Let's check the track record here: in that entry, I pointed out that my (Atheist) sister sent me (Traditional Jew) a forward featuring an animated Jesus in an attempt "Hear what (she's) been waiting to hear." What the hell (no pun intended)? Sure, go ahead and steal a depiction of someone else's deity for your own personal gain.

But she wasn't done.


Wait for it.




Today, I got this:

From: SisterSunshine@WTF.com
Date: Tuesday, May 5, 2009 7:52 AM
To: Whole bunches of people who really don't want another stupid forward
Subject: (no subject) There's never a subject with her. I have no idea why.



Money Goddess
This is a Money Goddess Lakshimi. Pass it to 6 of your good friends, or family and be rich in 4 Days. Pass it to 12 of your good friends or family and be rich in 2 Days.
I am not joking. You will find an unexpected windfall. If you delete it, you will never know!

SHE WORKS SHE REALLY WORKS

Oh my stars and garters!

I'm adopted. Please tell me I'm adopted. If I'm not, would someone PLEASE adopt me.

Mothers' Day gifts

On the radio today, I heard a number of moms call in to share either their favorite Mothers' Day gift or what they want this year. The answers ranged from a house keeper to one mom's wish to watch her favorite t.v. shows at the actual time they're on rather than having to record them to watch later.

It doesn't take me any time to decide what my favorite Mothers' Day gift is.

When my daughters were in the NICU, we went to visit them on Mothers' Day and found notes taped to the top of their incubators. The nurses there had left gifts for all the moms. They typed up a poem on pretty paper and stamped each babies' feet on the side.

This was a time when I didn't feel like a mother at all. I wasn't able to parent my babies. The doctors and nurses made all the decisions and did all the baby care. We were only able to hold our children twice a day. I wore my hospital ID bracelets long after I was released because they had given me one for each of my babies to identify me as their mother. I had to leave without my babies. Whereas other moms around me pushed babies in strollers, wore them in slings or carried them in their arms, my arms were empty. Those bracelets proved I was a mother since I had no babies with me to do that.

So that little poem was even more important for me. I needed to know that people saw me as a mother. I needed to be reminded that my children still relied on me as their mother, even when I couldn't do the typical motherly things.

That gift cost nothing, but I don't think any Mothers' Day gift will ever be more important or more profound.

Get A Job--revisited

DH GOT THE JOB!

Yippeeee. We're thrilled. The starting pay is about twice his average pay lately (he currently works on commission, but this has a flat rate). It goes up after two months and then if he advances (which the interviewer told him they believe he'll do quickly), there will be even more income.

This really is an answer to our prayers. We can breathe (and save) again.

A huge thank you to everyone who prayed and thought good thoughts.

Forget April showers. April fans are more fun.

I just read about this and I think it's so neat. April is tell 'em you're a fan month.

I realize I'm very very late to this party, but I want to do a round-up of my favorite blog links. Unfortunately, the kids aren't going to let me do that right now. So I will leave you with the neat idea and the promise that I will be back before the end of the month (which gives me a whopping 3 days).

Get a job!

Dh is at his in-person interview for that job right now.

Think good thoughts, people. We need this.

2pm UPDATE: He was gone for 3 hours. He took 3 tests and did 2 interviews. He should get a call some time today letting him know if he was picked to continue on. If so, there will be more interviews tomorrow. Keep sending good thoughts.

4/28 UPDATE: He got the call and went today for the second and final portion of the in-person interview. We should hear if he got the job by the end of the week. If you've been holding out on us, please please PLEASE send prayers/good thoughts/job vibes now. Tell your friends about us and ask them to do the same. Tell strangers about us. Have a direct conversation with G-d and plead with Him (or her depending on your religious beliefs) to help us out.

What not to say

I came across a great post that I must share with you: A few things you should know about Army Wives....

I posted something along the same vein a few years back (Was it really YEARS ago? Our last deployment was years ago? That seems so wrong. I don't know that I'll ever get used to that).

Sit right back and you'll hear a tale...

I really like the "Please don't," list posted though. The DOD should issue that to all military spouses and I wish they'd send a copy to all civilians out there too.

Thursday Thirteen: Useful pregnancy stuff

In no particular order, here are 13 items I found useful while I was pregnant:

1. Blush topless undershirts. I first heard about these from a friend, but heard even more about them from a few of the mom bloggers. After I lost a few contests for them, I bought two for myself for chanukah with money my MIL sent. I LOVE them. They worked great to cover the annoying belly panel in my maternity pants at the end when I got so big my shirts no longer did it. Plus, on one occasion, I was able to wear a regular pair of dress pants and use the Blush to cover the fact that the top wasn't zipped (or anywhere near that) plus it held them up. I wear these all the time now to keep me covered when nursing. Honestly, I'm far more freaked out by the idea of someone seeing my postpartum stomach than my breast. Plus, these work great for helping to hide the belly bulge. They don't suck you in at all, but having the extra layer over it helps to cover the extra rolls.

2. Yoga pants. I believe it was Ima on the Bima who made the suggestion via twitter (see #10). After trying and failing to find decent maternity pants at reasonable prices, I sent out a tweet asking for tips or specific stores. At first, I wasn't sure about buying regular yoga pants (not maternity), but then I realized the new pair of maternity pants I had just spent a fortune on (with elastic waist rather than the panel) were really just glorified yoga pants, only not nearly as comfy as my much cheaper yoga pants had been. So I hit Wal-Mart and was shocked to find that even while hugely pregnant, the regular yoga pants (I went with Danskin) had enough give for me to wear a small. I saved a ton of money and I can still wear them now.

3. Earth Mama Angel Baby's Happy Mama Spray. I won a small bottle of this in a blog giveaway (along with some other Earth Mama Angel Baby products) and I LOVE it. The smell is wonderful and it really does help with nausea. Dh had to deal with something that had an awful smell and made him feel nauseated. I sprayed some of this on fabric and had him hold it over his face. It helped. My only complaint is that it fades quickly. Don't bother putting it on your skin. Instead, put it on clothing. The fabric holds the scent much better. I wish I had had this earlier in my pregnancy (when the morning sickness was kicking my butt). It's great.

4. Pepermint oil. I LOVE taking baths with pepermint oil. The scent helps wake you up which is much needed during the third trimester. Plus, pepermint has a warming sensation which helped with my sore muscles. Be VERY careful, though. You only need a few drops in the bath. I also used a few drops mixed with olive oil and applied directly to the areas where I was sore. Smells much better than the comercial alternatives. Again, be very very careful and only use a tiny bit.

5. SinuCleanse Squeeze. I had a netti pot, but was not a big fan. I could never hold it comfortably and it hurt. My midwife admitted she had the same problem and suggested I try this. I LOVE it. It helps so much with stuffy noses. During pregnancy, you're limited in what drugs you can take plus you tend to get bloody noses and everything irritates your nose. This helped with the congestion, it helped prevent bloody noses and it didn't bother my nose at all. The pack I got came with premeasured packs of salt which helped as well. This is SO much easier than the netti pot and it works great.

6. Funny videos. We always need a laugh, but we particularly need one (or many) while pregnant. I LOVED getting (and sharing) funny videos while I was pregnant. It didn't matter if my back hurt, if I was feeling hormonal, or if I was exhausted; I still laughed and felt a bit better.

7. Platform shoes. In the last month of my pregnancy, I could no longer comfortably reach the pedals in the car. Wearing platform shoes was the only way to do that. No, I'm not kidding. My chiropractor (see #8) said that as long as they were flat, I was fine.

8. Chiropractors. This was my third pregnancy, but the first time I saw a chiropractor and I wish I had been able to see one with my other pregnancies. I got relief for my back, pelvis and shoulders. It was wonderful. I found myself trying to will time to move a bit faster so that I could get to my next appointment.

9. Wii Fit. We didn't do individual gifts to each other for chanukah. Instead, we got a Wii and dh found the Fit (not an easy task before Xmas). I was able to do most of the yoga moves and a good deal of the strength moves all through pregnancy. It's the first time I've exercised during pregnancy and I liked it. Dh has lost 20 lbs since we got the Fit. I didn't lose any, but it did help keep me in shape. Plus, there is NOTHING as hysterical as a woman 9 months pregnant hula hooping on the Wii Fit. FTR, even while pregnant, I still made it to Professional Penguin.

10. twitter. Twitter was fabulous for getting reviews, finding giveaways, and just keeping me distracted. I was able to win some free things for the baby through giveaways I found there. I was able to try (and avoid) products after reading reviews. I found other pregnant women with whom to compare notes and share stories plus I found other great parenting-related blogs through twitter.

11. Comfortable slip-on shoes. Luckily, my platforms (see #7) were comfortable, but one pair required tying (very difficult while pregnant) and the other pair are sandals (not always useful in the winter). So I typically wore low simple slip on shoes. I had one pair that got worn to death. They were flat and had velcro, but could be slipped on easily. I also found a pair on clearance at Wal-Mart for $3.50. Yes, they were those horrid croc knock-offs (I am generally not a fan of crocs), but they're comfy and they have removable fur lining which made them warm and they could easily be slipped on and off. I took the lining out of them the other day and wore them in the yard. Anything that's cheap, comfortable and can be used postpartum is fabulous even if it is ugly.

12. Music. During labor, my playlist came in particularly handy. I found singing helped me get through contractions.

13. Birth necklace (will post picture in the morning). At my shower/blessingway, my friends made me a birth necklace. This is something we have done at every shower for the past few years. I started it when I came across the idea online and we did it through everyone else's shower even when I didn't know if I would ever get pregnant again. It truly was a blessing not only to be among friends, but to actually be pregnant and surrounded by friends. Everyone picked a bead for each of their children and added it to the necklace. I was wearing the necklace when my daughter was born. It was so neat to have something that represented my friends and their prayers and good thoughts for me.

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Money-saving tip

Here's my money-saving tip of the day: When in need of a replacement for baby gear, double check the old item before buying a replacement.

Remember, while I was pregnant, I asked about replacements for a destroyed stroller and a bouncy seat that didn't vibrate (a feature I like to call, "Rumble Bum"). A bouncy works well enough as a place to deposit a child, but without that rumble bum feature, no child of mine would ever fall asleep in there. When it vibrates, though, that's another story entirely.

We've been using the old bouncy just as a plain old seat since the vibrate feature didn't work. Just for the hell of it, dh added new batteries (we emptied the old ones out before we stored it) and tried it. It works.

I'm not sure what happened in those 2 and a half years or so it was in the attic. Maybe the rumble bum fairy came to visit. I don't know. All I know is that it stopped working shortly after TheBoy was born even after trying new batteries and now, it works.

I don't need an explanation. I just need a bouncy seat with a rumble bum feature that actually works. Bouncy seat WIN.

It's a baby, not a disease.

Dh and I had a date night tonight. It was our first in a very long time. We won a gift certificate to a nice restaurant, so we left the big kids in capable hands, grabbed the baby and went. We freaked the hostesses out in the process.

Now this is a nice restaurant, but it welcomes families. They have high chairs and car seat slings available. This is not a ritzy, ridiculously expensive, no high chairs for miles kind of place.

I usually prefer to put the baby in the sling, but when we go out to eat, we usually bring her in her car seat because she tends to fall asleep and she can nap there which leaves me free to get close enough to the table to actually eat.

So we walked in, dressed nicely, carrying the oh so cute baby in the car seat. The two hostesses' eyes went wide. They looked horrified. One couldn't turn fast enough to grab the phone and pretend she was talking on it. The other ignored us. Someone else had to come up from the side to seat us.

I thought I may have misinterpreted their reactions, but when I mentioned it to dh later, he said he saw the same thing.

WTF? She's a baby, not a disease. She's a cute baby too. The few patrons there (it was far from busy) commented on how cute she was. So why the hell did the staff have such an issue with her? I understand the childless movement. I'm obviously not a member of it, but I completely understand why some folks don't want children. I also understand that there are places not at all suitable for children. This was not one of those places. This was the same restaurant where my entire family went when the twins were just 2 months old. This is the same restaurant where dh and I celebrated an anniversary with the twins when they were a year old. We've never had a problem. The whole thing was so bizarre.

The cute little baby won't bite your head off, I swear. I, however, just might if you don't cut that out.

Because apparently, your good vibes and prayers are pretty potent.

I'm asking for some more good thoughts/prayers/vibes. Dh did well on his phone interview. He has an in-person interview on the 27th. If all goes well, he'll have another one the following day.

We absolutely need this.

Think good thoughts

Dh has been applying for jobs left and right, but hasn't heard anything from anyone. A few weeks ago, he read about an opening that would be perfect, but the ad said qualified applicants would hear back in 3 business days. We never heard back.

Well, we did today. Dh has a phone interview scheduled for tomorrow. The higher paying position is too far away, but even the lower paying one is more than he makes now (which lately, isn't difficult to do).

Please please PLEASE send good vibes, good thoughts and/or prayers his way. We need this.

Think alcohol causes strange dreams?Try the matzah-induced dreams

I had a dream that my family was at Ian Ziering's house. He made dinner for us. It was some sort of soup with pasta in it. At one point, I looked over and my daughter hadn't finished hers. I asked her, "Aren't you going to finish your pasta?"

Suddenly, I was horrified to realize that it was Passover and we had just violated the dietary rules...at Ian Ziering's house...by eating some sort of pasta soup...prepared and served by Ian Zeiring.

I was absolutely panicked. It was one of those dreams where it takes you a few moments to realize it was a dream and then when you do, you are SO thankful to know it didn't really happen.

Some people dream about falling. Some people go home and dream of spiders. Some people dream of losing their teeth. Me? I dream of violating halacha with Steve Sanders. What the heck is the deeper meaning hidden in that?

To that, all I have to say is, "Dude, WTF?"

Puberty, girls and the not-too-distant future

Lately, my sister is complaining about the age of her children. She loved having a 7-year-old step-son when she had a baby (she also has a little girl sandwiched between the oldest and youngest), but she has just come to realize that means she'll have a 9-year-old boy when the baby hits the terrible twos (which is only a month away). You see, the oldest boy has been demonstrating some tween attitudes lately ("I don't wanna wear the hood. I'll look like a dork." So he slams the door and refuses to wear the hood in the rain only to come home complaining that his hair curled when it got wet and looked, "Stupid," for the rest of the day).

That made me think about how old our oldest girls will be when this youngest one is 2. It just occurred to me that they will probably be in the early stages of puberty. They will be the same age I was when I started wearing a bra. Please give me a moment while I pick my jaw up off the floor.

The thought of my teeny tiny baby girls--my first borns, in bras scares the hell out of me. It makes me want to hug them close, smooth their hair and insist they can't grow up.

For the first year of their lives, my premie twins were so tiny and so developmentally delayed. I wanted nothing more than for them to grow and do new things. As our children approached their first birthday, other moms got nostalgic and weepy insisting their babies were growing up too fast. Not me. I glared at them urging them to gain a few more pounds; catch up developmentally and just grow, damn it. At a year, my preemies were 14 and 15 lbs, couldn't stand unassisted and didn't crawl (although they did low crawl).

Now, we're standing at the edge of puberty and I find myself in a very different (which I just accidentially typed as "difficult," hmmm...maybe not so much of an accident) situation. It suddenly occured to me that my little girls will one day be women.

When we found out the twins were girls, my husband was so excited. He loved the idea of two little girls. He comes from a family of boys. I told him then, just you wait until they hit puberty. Just wait until you have two moody pre-teen girls getting their periods. He laughed at me and shook his head.

We have no idea what we're in for. I want to be one of those cool moms who respects her daughters' privacy (no big red balloons or party hats that say, "Yay, you got your period."), but at the same time, celebrates with them when they hit that milestone. I just don't see how I can when I'm a blubbering mess at the thought of it.

Clean up. Clean up. Everybody everywhere...

I have 4 kids including twins, a pre-schooler and a newborn. I need to win this.

Clorox Wipes Decor Canister

UPDATE: I won TWO. Yippeee.

Baby pants

I want to make these so badly. I absolutely love the idea and the final product.

100 money-saving tips

I think this article is fascinating: Little Steps: 100 Great Tips For Saving Money For Those Just Getting Started.

I've seen quite a few of these, "Save money," articles and overall, haven't been too impressed. That one, though, is another story.

And because I believe in giving credit where it's due, I want to let you know that I found that link through this week's Top 5 Friday at The Giveaway.

Another side effect of the bad economy

You all know my mom lost her job. It's only now that we're realizing one of the negative side effects.

Every year, one of the companies she dealt with would send her a package of kosher for Passover candy. She would send that on to us.

This year, no job means no K for P chocolate.

Pardon me while I pout like a 3-year-old.

Ooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh mannnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Screw Folgers...

The best part of waking up has nothing to do with coffee (pick your jaws up off the floor. I know you must find it shocking that I, of all people, made such a statement). The best part, is in fact, waking up to a smiling baby beside you.

She's only 4 weeks old, but the baby (who I guess should be TheBaby since her big brother is TheBoy) has started smiling. I didn't believe it could be intentional, but she's doing it quite a bit and has started smiling more just this week. They range from cute little grins to those funky-looking, but oh so adorable huge open-mouth smiles.

She's my last baby, so this is the last time I will witness first smiles. I LOVE baby smiles. There's nothing quite like them.

Although, this doesn't mean I've given up on coffee. I'll still take a cup if you're offering. :-)

When the cleaning gets tough,the tough eat snacky foods

Dear internets,
Thus far, my Pesach cleaning has consisted of repeatedly telling dh we need to start cleaning for Passover and eating all the snacks under the guise of ridding the house of chametz.

For this, I'm very very sorry (about not doing enough cleaning, not about the junk food).

Sincerely,
one bad (but not hungry) Jew

April is cesarean awareness month

ICAN is a great resource.

I just learned discounted memberships are being offered this month in honor of cesarean awareness.

I am a VBAC mom and I cannot say enough for the differences between a c-section and vaginal birth. It's a whole different world. The c-section rates are far too high and are putting way too many moms and babies at risk.

Home is where the school is.

We had a great few days thanks to unschooling. Now, ours isn't really an unschooling family. We use some more traditional things (work books, print outs, spelling tests, etc), but we have an unschooling flair. I like to take a natural learning approach to school.

On Sunday, I went shopping. Many items were half off. We've dealt some with fractions and multiplication, but we haven't done division at all. Still, both girls were able to accurately and easily tell me what the items would be at half price. They did it over and over again as they brought me item after item of (what they deemed) cute clothing and asked me to buy them because, "It's half price, so it's only...."

We have a map of the U.S hanging on the wall. They like to look at it to see how to spell the states and then they put them into a song and end with the Postal Service's abbreviation (don't ask. I have no idea why they do it, but they like the song). Today, Girl2 noticed the scale on the map and asked what it was. So we busted out rulers and measured how wide certain states are. Then we measured the distance between different states and translated that into miles. We looked at the map and talked about the Pacific and Atlantic oceans. Girl2 studied Mississippi which she adores even though she's never been there. When I asked her why she likes it, she said, "Because it's pink on the map and because it has lots of s's and i's. I like those letters."

Very neat and took almost no effort on my part. That's a good thing with a new baby in the house.

Oh and Girl1 was moved into a different class in Hebrew school a few weeks ago. She's in the group doing lessons 2 years above where they currently are. This is the child who doesn't read English as well as her sister, so I'm floored to hear her read Hebrew. Some of her homework simply involves reading the word to an audience and she has read every single word correctly ever since she was put in that class. I've mentioned before how I feel about them learning to read Hebrew, so my daughter has made me very proud.

The few. The proud. The Jewish. The chocolate.

My kids don't eat chocolate. For the longest time, they never even tasted chocolate. The girls are wonderful about it. The staff at Sunday school likes to give out chocolate for snacks or rewards, but the big kids always tell their teachers they can't have chocolate and they help find a healthier alternative. I've been so proud of how they handle it.

As the kids have got older, we relented and agreed they could have chocolate for two occasions, Chanukah (because the gelt was overwhelming. There was no way to avoid it) and then we added Purim (because, well, I really like Purim).

Well, now we're about to add one more holiday to the mix. Next week, there's a chocolate seder at shul. Last year, we just skipped Sunday school that day. This year, though, the whole family is invited to stay. Family events are near and dear to my heart. So we'll all be going and yes, the children will get to consume chocolate.

And so, our children are thrilled to be Jewish because if not, they'd never get chocolate. :-)

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways (and eat the cookies).

My husband rocks. He has been on super daddy duty ever since I had the baby. I lost a lot of blood and was put on bedrest. He's home for 2 weeks to help. I'm not supposed to leave the bed/couch for much of anything. On the few occasions I've tried, I've gotten very tired and sore very quickly.

He's done all the laundry even though it has taken forever (again, please vote for us so we can get a new washer and dryer), he's taken the baby when she wakes up in the morning so I can get some more rest, he's handled the late night diaper changes, he's had to make all the meals, he's kept the kids corralled in the playroom so that I could rest, he's done all the running around, he's done all the food shopping, he's done all the cleaning. He's doing it all.

On Sunday, he went food shopping and came back with my favorite candy bar (remember, I was on the GD diet during pregnancy, so I wasn't able to have sweets). Later that day, I woke up to him handing me a cookie--a freshly baked cookie he made from my favorite cookie dough he secretly bought and not only did he bake the cookies for me, he even saved me some dough too (my favorite). Oh and he did all this while holding the baby so that I could get a nap.

I'm typing now with free hands because he's cuddling the baby.

We've been through some really rough times together, especially when he came home from deployments. So I'm particularly grateful to see this side of the man I love. I realize how truly blessed I am--how blessed we all are.

Dance of the 7 Veils

Vote for #7. Please please PLEASE. We desperately need this. Our washing machine completely conked out today and the dryer isn't much better. It takes putting things on high 3 times to get them dry. Today, dh had to take out half the small load because it wouldn't start. We have fallen SO far behind in laundry since the baby was born because these bloody machines don't work and we can't afford to replace them.

So PLEASE, go to MomCentral and vote for #7.

Please ask your friends to do the same.

I've been very frank with everyone about our financial situation. We cannot afford to replace these machines, but at the same time, we now have 4 kids, including one in cloth diapers. We need to be able to do the wash.

Please vote for us, pretty pretty please.

March 18th update: THE WASHING MACHINE IS COMPLETELY BROKEN. I have a load in there now. It filled with water and then just stopped. It did that yesterday and we were able to get it to work eventually, but not today. It's filled with towels, diapers, kids' clothes and baby clothes. ARGH!

PLEASE vote for us and ask others to do the same. I'm getting my butt kicked.

You've Got the Cutest Little...

I don't like posting pictures of my kids. It's just something I don't do. However, I am going to make an exception in the case of the newbie. I can't keep all that cuteness to myself.

Yeah, what she said.

This post in response to the Case Against Breast-Feeding is wonderful. It's a bit long because it has much to address and it's worth the read. I'm too tired and other-wise occupied to write a response, but I don't think it's even necessary given that Emily has already done a phenomenal job of it.