How do I stay sane when this is the soundtrack to my life?

From the other room, I hear a loud thump followed by a moment of silence. Then Girl1 says,
"I guess that wasn't such a good idea."

Crashed Fairy cupcake!

Crashed Fairy!
Originally uploaded by Sandra (socake)

This just cracked me up and I had to share.

Cupcakes, fairies and a sick sense of humor--what could be better?

A recap of the hilarious soundbites from my week

"Decaf is a French word meaning, 'Complete waste of time'."(me)

"Don't put your underwear on the dog." (dh to TheBoy)

"Just go to the bathroom, already. Mama can't poop for you!" (Girl2 to TheBoy)

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
TheBoy: Soupy-heawoe.

Say what?

I just checked my stats and found some fun keywords that have brought people here.

anatomically correct love doll
Oh boy! That's not at all what I meant when I posted about the kids' anatomically correct doll. Although, I bet that person probably considered the cheese penis post a suggestion rather than simply a funny anecdote.

make a list of eight things to put on the spaceship
If you insist.
1. Alcohol
2. Chocolate
3. That aforementioned anatomically correct love doll
4. Bob Hope
5. Chilli
6. Charro
7. Gefilte Fish
8. The entire cast of The A Team

things ur husband does in target
I don't know who this person is, but oh boy do I want to. I want to have a long conversation with them too.
Random note: When I mentioned this particular phrase to dh, he was baffled and asked, "What did you write about me in Target?" When I assured him that I hadn't, he said, "I didn't think I did anything unusual there--at least not anything funny that you'd feel compelled to write about."

bath and body works intimate areas
Um...ah....WHAT?

my niece is irresponsible and pregnant
Apparently, I should start a club.

penises like dolls
This is another one to file under "WTF?" Is the searcher attempting to learn if penises have an affection for dolls or is he/she comparing someone's penis size to that of a doll? Either way, I'm baffled--highly entertained, but baffled none-the-less.

why do you need a license to cut hair
I have a photograph of a 4-year-old me with my bangs hacked off horribly short at the hands of my unlicensed mother that would help explain that regulation.

Oddly enough, these are some of my most popular entries:

Sorry For the Silence I have no clue what is in there that attracts people, but it's my most popular page

Nothing says, "Happy Chanukah" quite like ham.

It's not every day you get My Little Pony news. Yeah, I was excited by the news too, but I find it strange that it's one of my most popular entries when it's new. I guess people REALLY like My Little Ponies.

And, of course, Harry Potter and the Simulated Sex Act

Nice kids, nice kids, what cha gonna do? What cha gonna do when they come for you?

So often, we hear about the bad kids. At playgrounds, our eyes are drawn to the kids who yell, scream and kick. When someone wrongs your child, our mama sense go into over-drive. When we watch the news, we see the ones who made wrong choices, often they're so wrong that we cannot even imagine how that decision came to be.

Let's not let the bad kids eclipse the sweet ones. The nice ones may pass unnoticed, but they're out there and for that, I'm so thankful.

My friend came to visit recently. I hadn't seen her kids in years, but they were even more lovely than I remembered. They were sweet, funny, friendly, polite and self-assured.

There's a large family at shul that was formed through a series of adoptions. These children all came from vastly different circumstances and countries. And these kids are WONDERFUL. The 16-year-old boy, having grown up surrounded by other children, is amazing with younger kids. He worked for their Sunday school class and he's a counselor at camp. Both of my daughters insist they're going to marry him. His sister is about 22 and one of the sweetest people I know. When I took the kids to an event last week and the big kids weren't playing along, she came to get them and dance with them. She gladly scooped up TheBoy so that my arms were free. There are other brothers and sisters who are very nice, but those two come to mind immediately. When considering moving away, that family is one of the reasons I don't want to go. When we do move, I plan on writing a letter to them all to tell them that.

Another friend's daughter grabbed the phone to speak to Girl2 when she was having a difficult time. That friend tried to help calm Girl2 down. She was so sweet and caring. She's a few years older than my girls, but that has never bothered her. She's always willing to play with my girls and she never speaks down to them. I love that kid (and her mom who is equally amazing).

Then there are random kids that we never get to know well, but are lovely none-the-less. These are the kids who immediately come up to my kids and ask to play, the ones who hold the door open or are very polite.

I've said this once before, but I think we should all challenge ourselves to not only notice the good kids, but also to make them aware of our attention. When a child holds the door for you, make sure you let his/her parents know that he/she did it and that you appreciate it.

It's not every day you get My Little Pony news.

'My Little Pony' gets star treatment for charity

Jun 19, 11:05 PM (ET)

PROVIDENCE, R.I. (AP) - LeAnn Rimes is putting her own stamp on My Little Pony. The singer is among celebrities and artists who've agreed to design some new versions of My Little Pony, the plastic toy that has captivated girls since the 1980s.

Pawtucket-based Hasbro Inc. (HAS) will auction the special ponies for the Give Kids The World charity as part of a celebration of the toy's 25th anniversary.

The pastel-colored ponies - with names like Rainbow Dash and Daybreak - usually sport decorations on their hind quarters, often of hearts, balloons or stars. The celebrities and artists were given blank, 18-inch versions of the usually 4-inch-tall ponies to decorate, Hasbro spokesman Dan Benkwitt said.

Also designing a pony is 1980s teen idol Deborah Gibson, said Susan Storey, a spokeswoman for the charity.

Hasbro initially announced that the stars of ABC's "Boston Legal," including William Shatner and James Spader, would decorate ponies. But Stacey Luchs, a spokeswoman for the show, said Thursday that Shatner and Spader were unaware of the venture and would not participate.

Artists designing ponies include illustrator Catalina Estrada from Spain, New York graffiti artist-turned-designer Claw Money and Japanese manga artist Junko Mizuno.

A pony designed by Estrada was expected to be unveiled at a collectors' fair this weekend in Providence, Benkwitt said. The others will be unveiled during a gallery event in Manhattan in September, when they also will be auctioned.

G-d bless good music and re-issues

G.I.'s used as guinea pigs

This is absolutely disgusting.

The more I hear about the crap the military is pulling with combat veterans--particularly those with PTSD, the more my stomach turns.

This is the latest in the growing list: G.I.'s Used As Guinea Pigs

I'm not ignoring you.

I want to post--really I do. In fact, I was just going to do that, but now I have a little girl asking me to lie down with her. I'm not going to pass up the chance to snuggle especially when I get to do so in a position conducive to resting. :-)

Professional Idiot Do Not Attempt.

I saw the above warning on a commercial and loved it (the warning, not the commercial). That should be the caption for oh so many snapshots of my life/day (based on both my actions and those of the people around me).

Wouldn't that be the most wonderful subtitle for a blog?

It just made me smile, so I figured I'd share.

Oh the places you'll go.

I'm out of blog ideas, so here are some places I've visited recently:

I've been saving up my used gift cards, but didn't know what to do with them. Just today, I looked at one with the Starbucks logo and thought, "I should cut 2 out and use them for earrings." Someone beat me to it and did a fabulous job of it. Recycled Crafts: Starbucks Gift Cards

LOVE this. I'm making one for my daughters using 2 4-packs of cork boards from the Dollar Tree along with paint and fabric scraps I have on hand. Pottery Barn's $189 version or my $2 version customized to match their room? Hmmm... Decisions, decisions.

How to mind control service reps. Oh, that is quite possibly the most useful link ever. FTR, the Consumerist is an amazing resource.

Making Your Own Laundry Detergent: A Detailed Visual Guide. Cheap, uses simple items and seems fairly easy.

My kids have never actually been to Chuck E Cheese's, but this Tooth Fairy certificate (large pdf) may be the prompting we need to go. 10 tokens per lost tooth. My kids are missing a total of 9 teeth. Hmmm...

How Can I Recycle This? I love that site. Lots of great ideas.

ETA this incredible list of kids' links from Rocks in My Dryer

Sunny days sweeping the clouds away

Thus far, this morning is better then the fiasco that was yesterday.

It had the potential to be far worse, but I actually dealt with that situation with a startling degree of calm and the situation seems to have resolved itself.

I have a meeting today (with the kids in tow), so we shall see if this continues. If not, I'll have my friends around me, so at least I'll have shoulders to cry on (and people to watch my kids while I run far far away).

Girl2 has the money she got the other day from the Tooth Fairy for her latest (5th) tooth* and she asked to bring it with us to help pay for lunch. Sweet kid! I told her to bring it along and we'll stop at the Dollar Tree after I pay for lunch. While I love the joy and wonder that is the Dollar Tree, I usually try to avoid letting them buy anything there. I figure today can be an exception.

Oh and here's another happy thing that made me smile (and got Girl2 kissed). I let the kids have a little bit of morning t.v. and put on Disney. Girl2 just came out to say, "There's something else on now and I don't think it's appropriate." It was the Suite Life of Zac and Cody and while I've never seen the show myself, it's really the type of thing I'd prefer to avoid. So she got a big kiss on the head and I switched to PBS. G-d bless Sesame Street. The girls are a little too old for it, but they're not complaining. Actually, Girl1 started asking me to explain what the muppets really are, so we got to have a neat little discussion about puppeteers.

Yet another thing added to my far sunnier morning. Anyone who has read much of anything here knows I love iced coffee. My husband, however, enjoys Frappacinos, but cannot stand when his cup of coffee gets cold. He only took 2 or 3 sips of his coffee last night before he forgot about it. So I ushered it to the fridge and now I sit here alternating between blogging and sipping delicious iced coffee.

Tomorrow, a friend of mine who I adore (she really is one of the most inspirational people I know) is coming to visit from out of state. I haven't seen her in years and our kids have never met. She's SO much fun and her kids are wonderful. I can't wait to see her, watch our kids play and hit a great pizza place (which serves alcohol). I'm so excited to visit with her.

Today definitely has the potential to be a much better day. Yay.

Thanks, everyone, for the kind words and commiseration. I needed 'em yesterday.

*While Girl1 lost a tooth first and lost 3 teeth by the time Girl2 lost her first, Girl2 caught up and they were tied at 4. This weekend, though, Girl2 took the toothless lead and lost her 5th. It's so funny to see the differences and similarities between them.

Thank you, Sir, may I have another?

It just doesn't stop.

TheBoy was in fine form this morning. He's in this, "Mama do it," stage where he wants help from no one but me. That kind of sucks when I need to get stuff done. I asked the girls to help him and he threw a fit. When I tried to get him dressed, he hit me. Oh hell no! Completely unacceptable. He went into timeout and never stopped screaming.

After the gym, I was feeling much better. The kids, however, took a break from the bitchiness just long enough to stay at the nursery there, but then kicked back into brat-mode when I picked them up.

Long story, but we got back here only to find we needed to leave again. I was planning on staying in the rest of the day just catching up with the kids and giving the youngest of the brood a nap he obviously so desperately needs. Now I find we'll need to leave in order for everything to get done.

So I make plans with a friend, but when I tell the big kids where we're going, it's met with whining and complaining. "I doooooooooon't waaaaaaaaaaaaant to go there. Why can't we go to the poooooooooool?" Holy shit! Who are these kids because they're sure as hell not behaving like mine. My mantra is, "We don't get what we want when we whine." I'm pretty strict about that. So WTF is going on?

So I have to call to cancel which initiates this hugely dramatic scream-fest from Girl1. Dude, it's your fucking fault.

Let's not forget that our presence here means that things can't get done. That was the whole reason I even considered getting the hell out of dodge in the first place.

And the "fun" continues.

TheBoy scraches Girl2 in the face with sunglasses which initiates launch sequence for sobs.

Now the girls are trying to play with a game and TheBoy is objecting (loudly).

Holy shit! I need a fucking break and a drink. Send alcohol--copious amounts of alcohol, QUICKLY. Pleeeeeeaaaaaaaaase. Pretty pretty pleeeeeaaaaaaase.

Terrible horrible no good very bad morning

Holy shit, it's a bad morning! Kids have been screaming, crying and whining since the crack of dawn.

I really cannot take this. I don't know WTF is wrong with them, but I'm very close to just walking the fuck out.

WTF?