Tuesday, October 24, 2006

Wherein I take a stab at dream analysis

Irim took a stab at analyzing my dream. Thanks for that, but I'm not sure how true it rings.

First off, I'm a Pisces. I LOVE the ocean. It's not something frightening to me. In the dream, I wasn't afraid of the water. It was always calm and not very deep. I was afraid of the distance. I was afraid of being isolated from land. When the scary guy came, there was no way for me to get away.

My fear of the guy was because he was large and frightening. He had a creepy look on his face that only got worse when he smiled. Think of the Green Mile. The book description of the guy is actually better than the movie version. In the dream, the man coming at me was just like the physical appearance of that character, but without the gentleness. The man in the dream never spoke, but he always seemed really sinister.

Okay, here's what I think the dream is about: I think it's about my vulnerability in dh's absence.

One thing people don't realize is just how vulnerable military wives are when husbands are away. I'm not one who freaks out about everything that could go wrong, but I admit that I worry more in dh's absence.

It doesn't matter if he really could knock out an intruder. What matters is that as long as there's a male in the house, you're less likely to be a victim. People see him coming and going (particularly if he's coming and going in a military uniform) and there's the perception that there's someone there to protect you. I'm a Feminist and I don't like the idea of needing someone to protect me. I don't know that I really do, but the perception is there. If people know a man is in the house, I think people are less likely to mess with you.

Just a few nights ago, I came home from a friend's house and had to carry all the sleeping children inside one-by-one. I feel SO very vulnerable when I have to do that. I have to leave 2 children in the car while I carry in the first. Then leave another in the car while I carry in the next. Anyone who knows me at all knows that at any point in time, there is a child in that car alone while I'm doing this dance.

I can't tell many people that my husband is deployed. Then people know I'm alone and it makes me a big target for potential problems. We have lots of military pictures and memorabilia in the house, so plumbers/electricians/etc. know that my husband is military. When I have anyone in the house to do work, I have to make a point of saying my husband is "at work." We have new neighbors that I don't know. They constantly have new people over. If they have paid any attention at all to us, they know I'm alone with these kids.

So I think the dream had more to do with me feeling vulnerable both for myself and for my children.

I think the part where I easily go down the stairs, but then can't get back up may be about me feeling like I can't protect them in dh's absence. I wasn't able to get back to them. Now that I think about it, even the way I rushed down the steps and then turned around and quickly came back is similar to "Get the sleeping kids in the house" dance.

Okay, this may be REALLY random, but now that I think of it, the big man walking through the water towards me is kind of reminiscent of the images from Hurricane Katrina. I reacted horribly to Katrina. There were weeks when we didn't know if family members (who live in New Orleans) were alive. My family is from that area.

So what does that mean exactly?

As for the log he was carrying, I wasn't supposed to make it into a boat. I was supposed to ride it across as-is. In the dream, I knew I had walked through the water before, but my problem was that I couldn't get the kids across. When I saw the log, I tried to figure how I could get all 3 kids to sit on it to get across the water and I came to the conclusion that I couldn't.

As for the part where I wanted to call a friend and opted against it, I'm not quite sure what that means. Yeah, I do tend to not want to bother people, but I think that's warranted. This particular friend is one of my best friends, but she has TONS going on in her life right now. She's also pregnant, so I wonder if that doesn't someone tie into my issues surrounding pregnancy.

I'm going out on a limb here, but let's say she represents pregnancy. Maybe my brain is saying that I shouldn't even consider another pregnancy if I'm feeling unable to protect the 3 children I already have.

That's all I've got for ya for now.

Oh, as for the dh part, In the dream, part of me felt like I was saying, "Go away," just to make the person react. It was only when I said that that dh looked up. When he did come in, I was absolutely elated. I was actually really bothered when I woke up and realized he wasn't there.

Ooooohhhh, after writing that, I just realized something interesting. My mother's first husband was in the military. He was away when my brother was born. He didn't come home until my brother was 2. When he did, my brother wanted nothing to do with him. He actually told his father to, "Go away." It's interesting that I used the exact same phrase.

Hmmm...since that was immediately followed by dh's interaction with the baby, I wonder if it has to do with some unrealized concerns about how the baby will accept dh. In all honesty, I don't think I have any fears. I don't know that the baby will specifically remember dh, but I think The Boy will take to him right away. He's absolutely fascinated by men and he remembers something about dh since The Boy stares at anyone in camouflage. I think the reunion will be an easy one. But maybe there's a part of my subconscious that's worried.

Hmmm...certainly gives me something to think about.

Big thanks for the comment. It really made me take a look at the dream.

1 comment:

Irim said...

That was BRILLIANT! Ok, I got the vulnerable/isolated part of it right then, lol (all right, it was the bit that smacked me in the face, but still...).
But the whole point of my post was just get you turning things over and work out what it meant to you - and often what it's *not* will point you to what it *is*.
You're most welcome - it was a pleasure. Take care of yourself and the wee ones, and I see the counter says only 11 days!!!