Sunday, October 22, 2006

What dreams may come

I had a dream last night, well, actually this morning. See, I haven't been sleeping well at all. I don't go to bed until late and then I wake up during the night and can't fall back to sleep.

This morning, I woke up at 6 am (in addition to waking several times during the night) and just couldn't fall back asleep. I finally did around 7:45 or so and that's when I had this dream. Please feel free to play armchair shrink. What do you think this dream means? I checked out the dream dictionary (see my link section), but their suggestions for stairs, window, and island don't really seem like they explain it all.

I'm living on a house on a tiny island. The island is just big enough for my house which is on stilts.

At one point, I realize I don't have a boat. I think, "I should call T. (a friend) and ask her to bring me a boat," but then I think, "She has enough to do." So I don't call her. Although, apparently I had crossed the water before without a boat, but in the dream, I can't figure out how I did it.

Then I see a rather large man (large as in muscular, not fat) walking through the water towards me. He's carrying a log which I somehow know I'm supposed to use as a boat. I feel threatened, but I don't know what to do. I have the thought, "I need to save the kids," but there's nowhere for the kids to go. I decide to try to stay out on the step and play the sly, I-don't-really-see-you card. You know what I mean. Like when you're out in public and don't want to acknowledge someone, so suddenly your child/your purse/that dead bug on the sidewalk is the most interesting thing in the world from which you cannot pull your attention. Then I realize that's stupid because he's obviously coming for me. I smile at him. He smiles back, but it creeps me out.

In another part, I run down the front steps. I don't know why, but I do quickly and with ease. Then I turned to walk back up the old rickety wooden steps and I realize there's a step missing. I know I just ran down without a problem, but now I can't get back up. The distance between the step I'm on and the next one seems to grow. I'm really uneasy and scared about it. I don't remember getting up the stairs. I just remember standing there feeling trapped.

Okay, here's the worst part of the dream; It's late and night and I'm awake in the house. I hear someone at the door. There's a high window on the door that's frosted in the center with a clear rim around the edge. I can see there's a man outside, but he's hunched over the door knob. I realize I'm alone with the kids. Do I grab a weapon? Nope. I stand there at the door and yell, "Go away." Then the man looks up and his eyes are level with the clear border of the window. It's dh. He somehow got home early and surprised me (although, in the dream, there was a part of me that knew it was him the whole time). I'm speechless for a while and then I ask, "Is this a dream?" He assures me it's not and I believe him (there have been occasions where I dreamed about being with him, but I knew it was a dream the whole time).

Moments later, The Boy starts fussing. Dh asks if he can go get him. I say, "Sure," but then I have a mild inner conflict with myself. I think, "I could just nurse the baby back to sleep. If dh picks him up, it'll be difficult to get the kid back to sleep." Although, then I remind myself he hasn't seen the baby in months and I can just deal. At this point, I seriously have the thought, "Well, if I'm having this kind of conversation with myself, it must be real."

I woke up shortly after that. It took me a while to realize it was a dream and dh wasn't home.

I. Hate. That.

1 comment:

Irim said...

Hi, I'm going to take a stab at this-as I always say, take what works and leave what doesn't. Remember that symbolism in dreams is personal - the dictionaries can help sometimes, but not always.

[I'm living on a house on a tiny island. The island is just big enough for my house which is on stilts.]

A few possibilities come to mind here:

1. The ocean is a formidable force, and you are not only on an island just big enough for your house, but your house is on stilts. That indicates to me that you feel surrounded, trapped, unable to move.
Nearly overwhelmed by forces that feel beyond your control.

2. *If* we use ocean as subconscious and land as conscious, then it seems that there's just a tiny island of things you're allowing yourself to think about, but the subconscious is relentless - you've done everything to avoid having the subconscious impinge - building your house on stilts and so on - but...you're afraid that all those emotions/thoughts/memories/worries you're keeping at bay are going to overwhelm the island.


[At one point, I realize I don't have a boat.]

You realise you need to be able to navigate those feelings, etc.

[I think, "I should call T. (a friend) and ask her to bring me a boat,"]

What does T. mean to you? Why her rather than anyone else?

[but then I think, "She has enough to do." So I don't call her.]

From your blog, you're doing this all the time in real life - thinking "I can't ask for help; people are too busy." Ask - that's what friends are for. Give them a chance, and the pleasure, of lending you a hand. Some of them may sense that you're feeling helpless and don't what to do - and would be grateful if you asked!

[Although, apparently I had crossed the water before without a boat, but in the dream, I can't figure out how I did it.]

Self explanatory - you know you can do it, you've just forgotten how. It'll come back.

[Then I see a rather large man (large as in muscular, not fat) walking through the water towards me. He's carrying a log which I somehow know I'm supposed to use as a boat.]

Animus? Dynamic part of the psyche?
Someone acting as a bridge between conscious and subconscious - like Charon on the River Styx?
A log that you're supposed to *fashion* into a boat perhaps?

[I feel threatened, but I don't know what to do.]

What threatens you? That he's making you go into the ocean, taking away your safety, or is it more than that?

[I have the thought, "I need to save the kids," but there's nowhere for the kids to go.]

This will depend very much on the answer to the question above.

[I decide to try to stay out on the step and play the sly, I-don't-really-see-you card... Then I realize that's stupid because he's obviously coming for me. I smile at him. He smiles back, but it creeps me out.]

What creeps you out? What are you trying to avoid?

[In another part, I run down the front steps. I don't know why, but I do quickly and with ease. Then I turned to walk back up the old rickety wooden steps and I realize there's a step missing.]

Is it b/c you're trying to run back up without finishing your business downstairs? Steps are about a transition from one level to another - maybe you can't go upstairs without sorting out downstairs?

[The distance between the step I'm on and the next one seems to grow. I'm really uneasy and scared about it. I don't remember getting up the stairs. I just remember standing there feeling trapped.]

Cf. above.

[It's late and night and I'm awake in the house. I hear someone at the door. There's a high window on the door that's frosted in the center with a clear rim around the edge. I can see there's a man outside, but he's hunched over the door knob. I realize I'm alone with the kids. Do I grab a weapon? Nope. I stand there at the door and yell, "Go away."]

You tell him to go away, and yet, as you say, part of you knew it was dh all along. If the ocean doesn't symbolise the subconscious generally, could it symbolise your feelings/anxieties about dh's absence/return/what state he might be in when he gets back? Your hesitation about letting him hold the Boy and your tentative emotions about his return in the dream seem to point that way...

Just a stab in the dark...urrgh, I'd better get back to work. Let me know how it works for you, if at all.

Ixx