Camera phones are most useful when they are near big green singing dancing dildos.

I have reached the epitome of camera phone usage. No pictures I take from here on out will ever compare to the photograph I took this weekend with my camera phone. You may ask, "Did you see something amazing? Did the kids do something cute which you were able to capture with your camera phone? Did you discover a cure for cancer using your phone? Did you photograph a new wonder of the world?"

Okay, well, it's nothing of that importance, but I did manage to capture a shot of a children's toy that looks disturbingly like a giant green singing and dancing dildo. Without my camera phone, I would not be able to share this joy and wonder with you fine folks.






Wait for it.









And so, let me present the big green singing dancing Christian dildo:



Yes, I realize it's a Veggie Tale character (hence the fact that I proclaimed the big green singing and dancing dildo to be a Christian). I thought it was a cucumber, but the tag said asparagus. I don't really care (I have no desire to watch a show about a garden salad that is bathed in the blood of the lamb--now THERE'S a visual for ya). I just care that this thing cracked me the hell up.

What's even better than green singing dancing Christian dildo? A big green singing dancing Christian dildo near this sign:



Bwa ha ha ha!

I have long since taken issue with the use of woodland creatures on devices designed for female pleasure. Seriously, people, why am I supposed to be turned on by a rabbit, duck, bear, dolphin, worm or penguin? Fuzzy woodland creatures should be NOWHERE near that general vicinity. Hell, I'd prefer if they stay outside the city limits if at all possible.

Welcome to Tangentland. Population: Me.

Aside from that brief detour through the frightening ordeal that is my mind, I hope you got a much needed laugh from my new friend, the big green singing dancing Christian dildo. No, I didn't buy him, but leaving him behind was hard. Huh huh huh huh. I said "Hard." Huh huh huh huh