CNN loses its ever-loving mind.

Dear CNN,

I love you. When my husband was deployed, I damn-near moved in at Headline News. Now that he's home, I still regularly watch both CNN and Headline News. I find your reporting to be even-handed and fair. I may not always agree with what is reported, but it's presented in a balanced fashion. This is in stark contrast to your competition.

So I find it rather baffling that I need to compose a letter in which I tell you that a kangaroo kicking a zoo keeper is not news. It is normal animal behavior. Should you decide to show that video a handful of times during the day, so be it. I suppose it has its entertainment value. Although, under no circumstances should you air that footage EVERY FIVE MINUTES. You are a news network. That is not news. It's a kangaroo that kicks. This does not compare to war, famine, disease or even a freaking religious image burned into toast.

Any random idiot who happens to be holding a camera is NOT an "IReporter." They most certainly should not be refered to on the air as, "Our IReporter." They are not your hired staff. They are neither yours nor are they reporters.

While it is true that occasionally, an amateur will capture an astounding or truly important moment on camera, this is not one of those moments.

Please cut this shit out. I watch CNN and Headline News (both of which have been airing this video every 5 minutes) for the news, not to see some random kangaroo doing what kangaroos do.

13 going on 30

Forgive me for being absent lately. I'm stuck in a bit of a block.

So, instead of writing anything of substance, I will once again share kids' conversations with you.

My kids are young. My biggest kids are elementary school aged. So when they started asking me about colleges, I was more than a bit surprised.

Here, to the best of my recollection, is the conversation they had with me yesterday.

Girl2: Are there Jewish colleges?
Me: Yes
Girl2: Good. I want to go to a Jewish college. That way, I can find a Jewish boy there.
Me: Okay
Girl2: Are there Jewish colleges is Israel?
Me: Yep.
Girl2: Good. Then I'll go to a Jewish college in Israel and I'll find a Jewish boy who speaks Hebrew to marry.
Girl1: When we go to Israel for our bat mitzvah, we can look at colleges then to find one we like.

AHHHHHHHH. Wait. What? Where did these kids come from? They're far too young for this. Although, as a Jewish mother, I admit to being quite pleased with the conversation. I'm certainly not complaining. Complaining? No. Startled? Absolutely.

Quotation on parenting

I love this one and simply had to share.

"I would be the most content if my children grew up to be the kind of people who think decorating consists mostly of building enough bookshelves." Anna Quindlen

Why can't they take perfection and run?

Girl2 is forever singing. She loves making up her own songs and singing some of her favorite staples over and over again. Among her list of career aspirations, you'll find "Mermaid," "Singer" and "Rabbi."

A local congregation just got a new cantor and suddenly it hit me, that would be the PERFECT job for that child.

I sit there for a moment, thinking I'm absolutely brilliant. I'm completely in awe of the genius that is my recent observation. Then I share my suggestion with her. Dh immediately agrees.

My daughter, the singer--the aspiring mermaid rabbi singer, responds with, "Nah. I don't think so."

WHAT? I have just handed you the perfect career and rather than, "Oh my goodness! Thank you, mother. I am once again floored by your brilliance. Yes, from this point on, I will go forth and work hard at becoming a fine cantor," her response was, "Nah."

Gah! These kids! What the heck am I supposed to do with them? Obviously, not mold them into cantors.

Fox News hits an all new low.

I didn't think it was possible. I didn't think Fox News could get any lower. Then I read this from Jews On First.

You can read more here and here. You really have to see the video because you don't fully appreciate their audacity/stupidity until you actually see the assholes in action.

They altered (poorly) images of a reporter and editor who wrote negative pieces on Fox News. The ears, hair and nose on the (assumed) Jewish reporter were enlarged in an anti-semitic fashion and his teeth were yellowed. His editor's forehead was enlarged so that his hairline appeared further back. Dark circles were also added under his eyes. This was not done in a joking fashion. These were aired as actual photographs.

I'm just stunned. This is an all new low. This is absolutely disgusting.

Video commentary on the matter

On lunchboxes and customer service

I have a good customer service story to share. I'm addicted to the Consumerist where you'll often find unbelievably awful horror stories about the customer service provided by some companies. So when there's a GOOD story to share, I'm all over it.

I ordered two of the Stephen Joseph Flower lunch boxes for my daughters from Amazon. They're adorable. The girls were thrilled.

Well, after using the lunch boxes for only three days, one got a tear in the lining. I contacted Stephen Joseph directly and they immediately offered to send another one right away. The rep was friendly and very helpful.

I'm impressed.

August 3, 2008 UPDATE: I forgot to post an update sooner, but the lunch box came a week after I posted this. The newer version has a sort of grid in the lining which appears to have made it stronger. I'm happy to report that the lunch boxes made it through the rest of camp tear-free. They're in great shape. I will definitely by from Stephen Joseph again.

Other people's kids say funny things too.

A friend called to relay a conversation she had with her son and I have to share.

He asked questions about why my kids don't eat certain things. She was trying to explain our religious dietary restrictions.

She explained that we don't eat pork because pigs are "Unclean."
So he asked, "Can't they just give them a bath?"

She called to tell me and I cracked up.

Deep Thoughts from Patton Oswald

Yeah, I'm surprised to see that combo of words too. Still, his speech to the graduating class of his old high school, while a bit long-winded (he spends too much time rambling before actually getting into the heart of the message), is very interesting (in a good kind of way).

And now, the actual speech

Need a feel good story?

I love these stories of big corporations actually doing the right thing. In this case, Costco went above and beyond.

Costco Saves Christmas...In July

The brief version of the story is that a woman sent gifts to her friend. They were packaged in a mattress cover box. Someone stole the box from her porch. The theif returned the box to Costco for $170. Someone else recently bought the mattress cover (or so they thought) and found the gifts inside. Costco went out of their way to track down the real owner of the gifts and offered to expedite shipping at their own cost.

How neat is that?

I know I sure as hell needed a happy uplifting, "See, not everyone and everything is evil," story. I figured you might as well. Enjoy.

Do you speak Jewish?

I first heard about this language survey over at Jspot.

I took it and I found it fascinating. Who knew that some of my speech quirks are Jewish-related? I realize the Yiddish/Hebrew is pretty obvious (although I have several non-Jewish friends, including a former nun who use Yiddish fairly regularly in their daily speech), but even the way I compose sentences is influenced by Judaism. I had no idea.

The survey was pretty quick (It suggests 15-20 minutes, but it took me about 10 minutes). They're asking for Jews and non-Jews to take it. Some questions were specifically Jewish, but there's always a "None," or "NA" response.

If you have a moment, please go take it. It's pretty interesting. I'm curious about the results.

Does anyone find this aluring?

Why in the world would anyone want a bacon-flavored cupcake?

Ewwwwwwww.

Winner's rock!

I won a Land's End swim package from Superdumb Supervillain. It came right away and I think I'm in love.

It included a 2 piece bathing suit (the green watermelon one) which I adore. It's quick drying and it really does dry quickly. I tried a bit of a test. Girl1 wore her regular suit when we went swimming. Girl2 wore the Land's End one. Land's End's really did dry much faster.

The fit is wonderful. My kids are oddly shaped. They're low to the ground, but long in the torso. We usually don't do 2 piece suits, but I found some that provide adequate coverage this year and we had to get a size smaller than they usually wear. In one-piece suits, though, the kids need to go up 2 sizes. I checked the size chart on Land's End's website and held my breath when I opted for their actual size. It fits perfectly! It's comfortable for the kids to wear and it falls just right.

The package also contained what the website refers to as a "rash guard top". I call it a "Swim shirt." Dh calls it a "Surf shirt." They sent the bright yellow one. Unfortunately, it doesn't go with anything we have, but I don't really care. Girl1 has worn it paired with an existing bathing suit bottom and it's great. It also looks very much like their 12-year-old's cousin's bathing suit. They LOVE looking like her.

We also got a towel (the tye dye one featured). First off, it's huge. My husband, upon opening the box, referred to it as, "A big fuzzy thing." It's too big for the kids to fit in their camp bags, but it's great for a day at the pool. The colors are great too. Personally, I wouldn't have bought that one based on its photo, but upon seeing it in person, it's now my favorite towel. The colors are wonderful.

So I'm a very happy person. This package really couldn't have come at a better time. The girls needed at least one more suit for camp. I've been searching the stores, but haven't found anything I like. Honestly, I never would have bought a Lands End suit for the kids (I've been lusting after their adult suits, but haven't had the guts to buy one while I'm heavier than I'd like), but I want to now. It really is worth the price difference. I'm going to keep my eye out for a sale and grab up a few for next year.

Yet another post on kid quotations, cupcakes and fairies

Oh, oh, oh, before I vanish once again, I want to share this bit of wisdom from Girl1. A few nights ago, she lost another tooth (for those keeping score, the girls are now tied at 5 each). So we've been discussing the Tooth Fairy quite a bit. This morning, Girl1 announced, "We're all about the tooth fairy and cupcakes."

She then continued to announce that she wants a stick and some ribbon to use to make a toy for the Tooth Fairy. I informed her, "The Tooth Fairy is not a cat." My child had damn well better be captain of the debate team in a few years because, in her usual fashion, she immediately came back with, "But she can play with the cats with us using the toy I'll make."

FTR, my mother, husband and sister have no sympathy for me when I get into one of these discussions with my eldest wherein she has an answer for every possible angle of my argument. That little talent is proof that she is my daughter (as if the fact that I carried her for 7+months isn't sufficient).

Hello, hello, hello is there anybody out there? Just nod if you can hear me. Is there anyone at all?

I'm still here. I know I've been scarce and for that I apologize. Lots of chaos occurring at and around Chez Reiza. I still exist, though and I promise I will post something of more substance in the not-too-distant future.

Until then, here's a comment from the husband that struck me as funny.

"I don't believe this dog has to go to the bathroom. I think he just has a good memory and really wants pie."

Wise words from a very dear friend

I'm having a conversation (well, the internet equivalent thereof) with a friend of mine. She just told me something I consider blog-worthy. This bit of information simply must be shared with the masses. Here's the ever-so-slightly edited version,

"If I've learned anything about relationships, it's this--Choose your battles...and sarcasm goes a long way."

Oh how true!

More wisdom from the eldest

At the library today, Girl1 fell and then cracked up laughing. When her sister inquired as to her current state, Girl1 replied with,
"If I'm laughing, then I must be okay."

That elicited laughter from me and I told her that was a pretty good motto for life in general.