My wish for the New Year

There are many things I hope 2010 brings those I love. I figured I'd take the opportunity to share them with you all.

In 2010, I hope...

• The stupid people stay far away from you.

• That if a few of those stupid people wander into your path (or if they live in your house, so you have no other choice), I hope you have a really big stick, a great aim and a complete lack of remorse.

• Should you be unable to beat the stupid people senseless, I hope you have the perfect comeback for their stupidity and that, after you slap them with that witty retort, they either change their ways and stop being stupid or they read this and FOLLOW THE FREAKING RULES.

• That your children are absolute angels

• And that if that last one doesn't happen and you're in public, I hope there's enough room to distance yourself from them so that no one realizes they're yours.

• If they disregard that angel part and you're not in public, I hope you have a padded sound-proof room to shove them into until they CALM THE FUCK DOWN.

• You have TWO padded sound-proof rooms so that you have the option of locking yourself in one if need be.

• Someone finds the secret for yummy calorie-free (kosher) alcohol and chocolate.

• Someone perfects that whole, "Beam me up, Scotty" machine.

• You laugh at an endless supply of truly funny lolcats.

• That your kids continue to supply you with an array of funny phrases.

• That when your kids say those funny things, they do so quietly and FAR away from church/shul.

• That the vast majority of your days are wonderful and you have one bad (but not awful) day a month so that you can always truly appreciate those great days.

• Those around you always let you know how awesome you are.

• That you continue to rock on with your bad-ass self.