Tuesday, March 02, 2010

Sometimes Realization Slaps You In the Face

I asked a friend for help in dealing with my mother. Mom is an odd one and even after 30+ years, I still can't figure her out.

That friend directed me here: Symptoms of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic and I am absolutely floored. So many of those fit my mother. My jaw is hanging open. Yes, her father was an alcoholic, but so too was my father's father and my dad is the complete opposite of my mom. My mom doesn't often (really ever) talk about her father (he died from liver cancer decades before I was born), so while we all know he was an alcoholic, the details of her life with him are largely unknown. I never even considered that it would play a part in her personality issues (aka acting like someone out of their ever-lovin' mind).

These are particularly shocking for me (and right on the mark)

8 . When someone gets angry at you, do you shrivel inside?

9 . Does personal criticism make you feel as though you're under attack?

11. When things go badly, do you feel like a victim?

OMG! OMG! Go read this and then reread this little ditty: You Say You Are a Superstar. Get Off the Cross We Need the Wood.

I'm floored! This explains SO much.

Although, I just wish it would explain how in the world I'm supposed to deal with her. If every little criticism is seen as an attack, how in the world am I supposed to ever disagree with her without her hopping on the drama llama?

1 comment:

Thalassa said...

i have a mom who can't be criticized, either. and she shoots off at the mouth like yours (from the linked story) does. we basically have to avoid discussing issues of any depth. my strategies are diversion, diversion, diversion and avoidance. if she expresses an opinion that i think is crap, i make non-committal sounds, claim i've not really given it thought, put it off, etc. she can't and won't have a rational conversation about anything like that, so we just don't have those conversations. it means you have to settle for a pretty shallow relationship, but it's better than a llamaful relationship, in my experience. :)