Tuesday, June 30, 2009

" I will name him George and I will hug him and squeeze him…and pat him and pet him…and rub him and caress him… and he will be mine, my George"

Parenting books and articles can suck. They can contain out-dated information or just generally piss you off. Every once in a while, though, they can strike a nerve and help you out.

Months ago, I read a brief little article about a mother who hugged and kissed her children often. When they were growing up, a family member pointed it out and wondered if it wasn't weird. The mom assured her it was fine and continued to do so. Now, as adults, her children report that the affection let them know they were loved.

This made me wonder if I hug and kiss my kids enough. I kiss the baby all the time, but the bigger kids, not so much.

Today, after hugging and kissing the baby, I thought about that and went in to do the same for the bigger kids. The hugs and kisses were returned.

Then it occurred to me that I must be doing something right. They didn't recoil. They didn't ask, "What was that for?" So I'm assuming that the fact that the kids accept it so readily as a normal occurrence is a good thing. I don't feel the need to slather them with kisses and suffocate them with affection all day every day. I do, however, want to make an effort to show them they're loved and to make sure that stays a normal part of their lives.

1 comment:

TheFeministBreeder said...

I'm trying really, really hard to make sure I still give my older boy all the affection I'm giving my younger one, but that is especially difficult because my older boy has never been attached to me the way the younger one is.

He's always like "get off me Mama!" - and the younger one clings to me like I'm his entire source of life.

My older one NEVER had separation anxiety when he was a baby. We kept waiting for it, but it never happened.

Now I blame the cesarean/early separation and the lack of breastfeeding for our distance. I try really hard to compensate for it, but my child is just not interested. It could be his personality, but it makes me sad either way.

So, I do what I can to be affectionate with him, but there's only so much I can do in the end.