About that weight loss thing...

In case you haven't guessed by my complete and utter lack of any updates about that whole weight loss thing, I am failing miserably.

I fell off the wagon a while ago when life got super crazy. I stopped counting points and my days were far too hectic to get any exercising in.

I've been able to maintain for the most part, but I'm not losing at all and I'm feeling pretty low about it.

I saw video of myself last week and wow, what a shock! I didn't realize I was that big. Yeah, yeah, yeah, the camera adds 10 pounds, I know. If you told me it added 50 lbs, then I might be comforted.

I'm close to cancelling my WW online membership. I haven't had time to track points.

I know I need to get my motivation back. I know I need to start exercising again. I had plans to run in the evening after Dh got home, so of course he's working late and getting home at nightfall. I'm hoping he'll get back into his usual work routine soon, but until then, I'm just feeling stuck.

In case you can't tell, I'm heaving a big sigh over here.

What Motivates You?

At Hebrew school, my daughters' class was asked, "Why are you here? What motivates you to come to Hebrew school?"

One girl said, "So my parents can go on dates while I'm here for 2 hours."

Another said, "So my mom can clean without us in her way."

My daughters both said, "So we can teach our parents because they've forgotten all the Hebrew they ever learned."

At the end of class they added, "And so we can read Torah."

Nice save, kids. And hey, thanks for not throwing us under the bus like your friends did with their parents.

The World Is Wonderfully Bizarre (or at least our closet is)

Remember that little girl who taped a note to her closet for us to find? Well, curiosity (and my daughters) got the better of me. I found that little girl (now an adult) and have been chatting with her a little bit.

Get this: Her husband is in the military and she has twin girls.

Should I remind you that MY husband was in the military and we have twin girls?

Isn't the world wonderfully bizarre sometimes? I love it!

In the course of our chatting, I've learned some of the stories of this house. See, this is why I prefer older houses to new ones. Old homes have souls. They have stories to tell.

True, sometimes it may not seem so romantic. Sometimes, old homes just have issues that leave you muttering under your breath.

Why in the hell is that wall there? Who thought eggplant purple was a good color for a bathroom? In what world was a tree a good idea right there? Those bears on the wallpaper are terrifying. How in the world did the last owners sleep with scary bears glaring at them every night?

For every ugly wall color, baffling shrub placement or murderous bears on wall borders, there's a story. These are stories that new owners may never know, but that those who made them will never forget. From now on, whenever I find myself wanting to ask, "Why in the world did they do THAT," I think I'm going to simply announce, "I bet there's a story behind that."

Letters From the PastTucked Inside the Closet

Yesterday, while getting ready for bed, Girl2 came to me and said, "There's an envelope taped to the wall inside our closet. Should I take it down?" She did and I opened it.

In the envelope was a letter from the girl who last lived in this house. I knew there was a young teenage girl here, but we never met her. Based on the handwriting and the letter itself, she was about 12 or 13 at the time.

She wrote about how this house had a lot of happy memories for her and a lot of bad as well. She wrote about how she hoped the new owners would enjoy it and how she hoped we would take care of her house.

This absolutely made my daughters' weekend. I thought it was pretty neat too. We've lived in this house for 8 years. How have we managed to miss that all this time? I'm glad we did, though. I'm glad it was my daughters who found it when they were old enough to appreciate it. How neat is that! This is the stuff of those sappy pre-teen novels.

Although, I must say, that note from a little girl written nearly a decade ago has me wandering our halls looking at our home with new eyes.

We planned to move years ago, but weren't able to for various reasons. Then, we were supposed to be gone this past summer, but the economy made that impossible. We find ourselves complaining about how we can't wait to move out. We have a long list of things we want (more than one bathroom would be phenomenal). We have wander-lust. We want out. We're anxious to move on. This house has become a relic from our past to which we're shackled long after it has outgrown its usefulness.

Since reading that letter, though, I find myself walking the halls and wondering if that little girl, now a woman, would recognize anything in this house. We've put so much work, so much time, so much love into this place. This was our first home.

All of our children took their first steps in this house. My children's heights are marked on the inside of the foyer closet door. My youngest was born in this house. A big "Welcome Home," banner was stuck in this front yard when Dh returned from his deployments. Hell, it was in the back office of this house where I started this blog 4 years ago.

Being a military family, we never felt at home. We moved from rental to rental, but those places were never, "Home." Some of them weren't even comfortable. This place, though, this has always felt like home. That's a huge deal, particularly to someone who lived for 20 years in the same house where four generations of her family had lived. There was never any doubt that that house was home and ever since I left, I found myself searching in vain for somewhere else that would have that same comfortable quality. This place was exactly that.

I want to thank that little girl for her note, not only because it excited my children, but also because it made me look at this house with new eyes. We're still ready to move on, but I can better appreciate that this house has a soul all its own. It was here before us. It was here for us and hopefully, it will prove to be not just a house, but a home for someone in the future.

My weekly weight loss update (a few days late and a few pounds short)

Sorry I'm late with my posting this week. With Pesach and the news about my friend's mom, I've been so busy.

This week, I was 140.8. I have now lost 10% of my starting body weight. My goal was to be under 140 by Wednesday and maybe, just maybe, that will actually happen. I'm not sure, though, because that weight was at the end of the week, not my usual mid-week weigh-in. Plus I've splurged a little bit since then. I'm going to get lots of walking in tomorrow and Tuesday and then we shall see where that takes me.

The weather is so gorgeous lately. I'm going to grab the opportunity to be out in the sun as much as possible. I'm hoping I can start working in the garden soon. I'm not much of a gardener, but it's great exercise plus then we can grow our own healthy pesticide-free veggies. Plus it's always a homeschool lesson for the kids.

Tomorrow is another big meal night, but we're keeping it simple (fish, green beans [yes, we eat kitiniyot. Dh and I are Ashekenazi, but I'm Sephardic too, so Passover is the one time of year I pretend that other side doesn't exist] and mushrooms) and we'll have a little K for P wine.

I'm keeping my fingers crossed that I can hit that weight goal by Wednesday. Of course, I have a scheduled lunch date with friends that day. We're going out for Chinese to celebrate the end of Pesach and the return of chametz. It's not even bread I'm craving (I'm actually hoping to stay pretty low-carb even after Pesach has "passed over"). It's the sushi and soy sauce. Yum!

More Bad News

Do you remember that friend's mother I mentioned? The one who was diagnosed with cancer, was unresponsive to chemo and was moved to hospice care? She passed away last night. I've known this woman since I was five years old. I absolutely cannot wrap my mind around this.

Baruch dayan he'emet

Feeling Defeated Until My Pants Start To Fall Down

I haven't lost as much as I had hoped and I've been feeling pretty let down about the whole thing lately. I was considering canceling my Weight Watchers online subscription and throwing in the weight loss towel.

Then I got dressed yesterday. The awesome super cute Target capris I got on sale were very loose--too loose to wear. So I put on a pair of jeans--real jeans, not the elastic waisted maternity ones. They were too big. *Gasp* Today, I put on the pair of jeans I wore to my oldest daughters' birthday party. Back then, I had to use my "sucker-inner" shapewear just to get them closed and even then, I had to hold my breath and lie down. Today, they closed without a problem and I was even able to get them down without unzipping or even unbuttoning them. *Double gasp*

I'm still heavier than I'd like, but this is the first time I'm actually seeing a difference in my body. I think this is the perfect motivation to keep going.

This week, I was down another pound. I'm just over 2 lbs away from having lost 10% of my starting body weight.

Pesach (Passover) starts soon. That's going to make doing WW kind of tricky (I can't find any Kosher for Passover WW foods) on one hand (counting points), but I usually lose a few pounds during Pesach just because my carbs are so limited.

I know it's going to be a stretch, but my goal is going to be 140 or less (I'm 143.6) by the time Pesach ends. Let's see how close I can get.

Bad news

I'm still here. I just have bad news.

First, I found an old college friend has Cancer AGAIN. This is the third time he's been diagnosed with it. He has a wife and a baby. I feel absolutely awful for him. He's coming out swinging, but I can't even imagine how shaken he must be.

Then, I found out the mother of one of my oldest friends was undergoing chemo for Pancreatic Cancer, but it didn't work. She was just moved to hospice care this past weekend. I'm in shock.

Any thoughts or prayers would be appreciated for these friends and their families.

Like leprechauns, only with kippot.

Proud to be an Irish Jew (Hello, Jim!)
Originally uploaded by Daniel Greene

Happy Saint Patrick's Day, everyone. Yes, we are Irish. Yes, we're Jewish. Yeah, we're a pretty rare breed, but we are not, however, alone.

Apparently, there are enough of us to warrant not only t-shirts, but even jewelery.

So, I wish a Happy St. Patrick's Day both to my fellow rare Jews of Irish decent as well as to those Irish not of the tribe. To those of you who aren't Irish, I wish a happy Wednesday.

In case you're wondering, my father's maternal grandmother was Irish. My husband, too, is Irish somewhere way down on his father's side, but we're not sure where.

I'm sure you're sick of my weight loss posts, but here we go again.

This week, I was down about a pound and a half after being up last week. Not bad since I didn't count any points at all last week (it was super busy and I wasn't often home). I'm now just about 2 and 1/2 pounds away from losing 10% of my total starting weight.

Last week was wonderful for exercise. I was able to swim and walk like crazy. I loved it. Unfortunately, I no longer have access to a pool. That's such a shame because I absolutely loved it.

So I'm definitely going to try to mix things up a bit with the exercise. With swimming, I was able to routinely get 2-3 hours of exercise a day and I loved it. It kept us all entertained and even though I gained weight, I could see the difference in my body and feel the difference in the way my clothes fit.

With the weather getting warmer, I'm going to make an effort to get out more and play with the kids.

As far as food, I've been much better with throwing together lower points high veggie foods. Artichokes, mushrooms and portobello mushroom burgers have become staples in my diet. They're tasty, they're relatively easy, they're quick and they're super low in points.

Ohhhh, pretty crafts.

This Cherry Blossom Branch is gorgeous. I'm dying to make that for my daughters' room.

From babies to big kids in 2 seconds flat

It's so bizarre how our children grow up and we don't even see it coming. It should be obvious. Growing is what all living things do. It's common sense that our babies are going to grow up. We help them blow out an ever-increasing collection of birthday candles each year. We move them from our beds to their own. We complain when we realize those brand new pants that fit them just two weeks ago are now too short. We smile proudly when they learn to write their name, then sentences then page 200 of their 500 page autobiography.

So, the other night, when my kindergartener fell asleep in my lap, why was I shocked by how big he has become? I remember putting him to the breast for the very first time. I remember smiling at the toothless grin on that little boy who took to nursing so easily. That very first time, when he fell asleep at my breast, he fit in the crook of one arm. When he fell asleep in my lap a few nights ago, he took up half the couch.

In my experience, we see them grow up, but we often don't see them. I watch them grow, so there's rarely a big jump from one age to the next. It's not until I look back at old pictures that I realize how young they looked a year or two (or eight) ago.

My oldest daughters are no longer babies, but I find that particularly difficult to believe. They're the same age I was when I started wearing a bra. A BRA for goodness sakes! Oh. My. Stars! I can't even think about my first babies wearing bras. I swear they're still toddlers. I still think of them that way even though one is now working her way through all the Harry Potter books in record time and the other is plotting ways to start a business to raise money for a laptop.

I don't think anything prepares you for this. Before you have kids, you hear people marveling over how quickly it goes and you think they're just sentimental saps. When your baby hits his/her first birthday, you may marvel at how quickly it has gone or how much they have changed (unless you have preemies. Then, if you're anything like me, when you get to the one year mark, you think, "It's about damn time!"), but even that only gives you a glimpse into how much you will be absolutely shocked by how these children grow and everything they learn.

I wish there was some way to tell mom or dad up yet again, rocking a fussing baby to sleep at 2 am that in a much shorter time then they expect, they'll relish those moments when their baby is 30+ pounds bigger and, in a very rare event, falls asleep sprawled out across mom or dad's lap.

A friend of mine likes to say, "This moment is brief," in regards to parenting troubles. She then adds, "You can take that whatever way you want." Maybe you take that as a comfort that these difficult times will end soon. Maybe it serves as a reminder that all of these moments are far too brief and we'll find ourselves longing for them in the not-too-distant future.

Up up and a weigh

This week has been a mixed bag as far as weight loss goes.

I was up just over a pound. That puts me back over my last goal. Humph! :-/ I'm not thrilled about that at all. There's no explaining it away. I ate too much of the high fat/high calorie foods. I went overboard with Purim. I know it. I probably won't be able to get myself back in check this week either because it's awfully crazy. I haven't counted points in nearly a week. I'm trying to make decent choices, but it's so hectic right now and I'm rarely home at all, so it's difficult.

The good news, though, is that I've been super active this week. Lots and lots of swimming and walking. When I put on an old pair of pants (which have been tight), they fit great. The last few times I wore them, they were tight, even after I started losing weight. So I know I must be losing inches if not pounds.

Before I started putting some weight back on, I saw a few pictures taken of me last weekend and I realized I'm finally at the stage where I don't cringe as soon as I see myself in pictures. That's a big deal. My face is one place where I put weight on almost immediately, so you can absolutely see it in my face when I gain weight. Seeing those pictures, I still look "fluffy," but not as big as I did just a few months ago. This thrills me beyond words.

Of course, I put weight on after that, so well, humph! I don't know.

I'm going to continue trying to make common sense choices and get as much exercise as I can until I can get back into my usual rhythm of counting points.

Sometimes Realization Slaps You In the Face

I asked a friend for help in dealing with my mother. Mom is an odd one and even after 30+ years, I still can't figure her out.

That friend directed me here: Symptoms of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic and I am absolutely floored. So many of those fit my mother. My jaw is hanging open. Yes, her father was an alcoholic, but so too was my father's father and my dad is the complete opposite of my mom. My mom doesn't often (really ever) talk about her father (he died from liver cancer decades before I was born), so while we all know he was an alcoholic, the details of her life with him are largely unknown. I never even considered that it would play a part in her personality issues (aka acting like someone out of their ever-lovin' mind).

These are particularly shocking for me (and right on the mark)


8 . When someone gets angry at you, do you shrivel inside?


9 . Does personal criticism make you feel as though you're under attack?


11. When things go badly, do you feel like a victim?

OMG! OMG! Go read this and then reread this little ditty: You Say You Are a Superstar. Get Off the Cross We Need the Wood.

I'm floored! This explains SO much.

Although, I just wish it would explain how in the world I'm supposed to deal with her. If every little criticism is seen as an attack, how in the world am I supposed to ever disagree with her without her hopping on the drama llama?

Parents Say the Darnest Things

I actually said this to my kids the other day and as soon as it left my mouth, I thought, "I need to blog that."

My bum is probably not the ideal spot for P.J. Sparkles' birthday party.

Weight Loss and Bad Guys With Tasty Ears

In health news, I'm officially down just over another pound. Well, I was when I weighed myself for my official weigh-in and when I weighed myself again today, I was down another pound from there.

My next goal was to be under 145 and I've made it. As a young teen, I hit 145 and for the first time ever, had high blood pressure and high cholesterol. I lost some weight, got everything back in check and swore I would never be 145 again. I have further to go, but I'm thrilled to have gotten here.

I've been playing around and managed to create a hamentashen recipe that's 0 points per serving. It's not fabulous, but not bad. It'll do. I'm going to try to play around with it some more, but it will have to be after Shabbat.

Purim starts very soon and I'm super excited. We're going to the Purim dinner after Havdallah on Saturday and the pancake breakfast on Sunday morning, so I'm going to need to plan accordingly.

The kids look adorable in their costumes. I think I look okay in mine. I didn't cringe when I saw pictures of myself in my dress, so that's a start.

Crafting for those who are NOT certifiably insane

Like I said, in times of trouble, I look to crafts to distract me.

Cool Mom Picks just posted this. It's cute, but the price tag is completely uncalled for.

Am I the only one who thinks Cool Mom Picks has really gone off the expensive deep end lately? I find myself not even bothering to check that site because the things they feature are crazy. I did buy their featured Valentines to raise money, but that's about it. I used to check every day at least once a day. Now, though, I fear they've gone crazy, so I just don't bother.

Well, that pillow is cute, but I'm going to challenge myself. I believe I can recreate it completely free with fabric from my stash.

So stay tuned and let's see if I'm actually motivated enough to do it.

When the going gets tough, the tough get crafting

Stained t-shirt recycled
Originally uploaded by ReizaRose

When I need a distraction, I tend to hit the craft blogs. I certainly needed that, so that's what I've done.

I just came across the El-cheapo Shirt Challenge and I love it.

It reminded me of this old shirt I made for TheBoy a few years ago. I took a stained t-shirt, dyed it, painted it and added outgrown legs from pajama pants to make it warmer.

It looked far cuter in person (wow, this is a really awful picture, isn't it? I'm sorry about that), but this gives you the idea. I paid a quarter for the t-shirt and everything else I had on hand.

FYI, there are lots of super cute shirts linked up, but this postcard one is my absolute favorite. How cute!

Breast Milk, Feeding Choice, Deep Thoughts, Cancer and My Husband

I have ranted about this in the past, but recent events and The Feminist Breeder's podcast on Formula Falsehoods (to which I'm listening right now) have compelled me to write about this yet again.

When my husband's father was diagnosed with cancer, I wrote "What was that about feeding choice?" Since then, Dh has lost another close family member.

So I have already fought my way down this dark road. And it is a very very dark one.

We knew my husband had an increased risk of cancer because of the fact that he was formula fed. Now, that risk is even greater. There was another death in his family last week. Now, every single male on his father's side has been diagnosed with cancer. All but one has lost that battle.

This absolutely terrifies me.

As Gina pointed out on her podcast, there are benefits for mothers who breastfeed. I've always taken comfort in the fact that I have decreased my risks for various forms of cancer (including Ovarian cancer which killed my favorite aunt when she was only a few years older than I am). Even those women who did not receive the protections of receiving breastmilk as babies can still get some benefits from breastfeeding their children. I was breastfed and I have breastfed my children, so I have been blessed by the fact that we've avoided many of the dangers of formula-feeding.

My husband was never breastfed and obviously, he doesn't have the options afforded to me in regards to breastfeeding.

Really, you should just go read that original article. I made all the points I wanted to there. This is far too much for me to wrap my mind around. Things have just become a bit more bleak for us in the face of yet another victory for cancer and loss in Dh's family.

In that feeding choice post, I wrote this which sums it up quite well,

If you were to frame the discussion by explaining, "You can do X and increase your child's risks of illness and death for the rest of his life," do you think ANY mother would willingly take that option? What kind of a choice is that?

Our World Is Shaken.

Dh's co-worker attempted suicide last week. He survived, but barely. The bullet traveled from one temple to the other. It has left him blind and brain damaged. He's in critical condition.

The man was in an unhappy marriage. They have three children. The kids were just told today about their father. The five-year-old daughter just keeps asking, "Where's Daddy?"

I never met the man. My husband didn't particularly like this man. Still, the more I hear, the more my world is shaken.

When another co-worker texted Dh with some gruesome details of his hospital visit, I ran to my husband and hugged him.

I'm constantly shocked by how many people around me are in miserable relationships. I've watched friends/family divorce. I've watched some fight and say horribly nasty things to each other. I've listened on the phone while some rant about what assholes their significant others are. I've been stunned at some of those stories, because, truly, their significant others are bigger assholes than I could ever imagine. I've had long discussions with friends who have just given up and insist they'll suck it up and go along because they promised "Forever" in their wedding vows.

Dh and I have our issues, but we're in such a different place. I'm not trying to hold our marriage up and say we're so much better than everyone else. We've had rough times too. But we've never been anywhere near with his co-worker is.

I just can't wrap my mind around it. The whole situation has absolutely shaken me. I find myself clinging to Dh and hugging him more than ever. I'm reminded of that Veteran's Day only days after he returned from his last deployment. When faced with the horror of what could have been, I hugged him and cried in his arms. This feels eerily similar to that.

That poor man! That poor family!